What kind of therapy should I go for? I am seeing a person centred approach counsellor at the moment which is very nice but not sure it's helping!

[BeattieBow]

I have had a recent (last couple of years) crisis in my relationships with my H and with my mother and thought that a bit of counselling would help me make sense of these. (I think my mother is narcasistic at the least but only realised when I was 40 and my H and I separated recently).

I have had 2 sessions with a person centred counsellor which I find nice because I get to sit and talk about myself, but I'm not sure it's what I want or need. I thought I wanted someone who could also tell me what the issues are (with my mum/my marriage/myself/my relationships) and help me come up with solutions to deal with these. I wanted some input from them too I suppose not just an empathetic person who sits there metaphorically patting me on the back. My counsellor is nice and i do like him, but I think I need more from him.

Does anyone have any advice about what a counsellor can/should provide and what I should be looking for?

(I will also post this on the mental health board I think).

It sounds as if you would benefit from CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). The therapist will (usually) work with you to increase your awareness of your behaviour and others behaviours and then create a plan of how to address these in between sessions. In this way it is perhaps a bit more proactive. It also focuses more on present behaviours and how to change them rather than only reflecting on the past. Have a google to read more about the approach.

Good luck.

Personally I would seek a relationally based therapist of some kind eg gestalt or psychodynamic. If you are paying to see someone privately I would also recommend interviewing three or so therapists and picking the one whose style you like the best. No therapist worth their salt will mind this. They should also be registered with UKCP or an equivalent accrediting body. If person centred/ this therapist doesn't suit then don't stick with it. Can I ask what area of the country you live in? I have done a lot of therapy (this is also my area of work) and my current one is an absolute godsend.

I think the problem with councelling/ person centred theraphy is that it encourages rumination and emotional introspection. Thinking about what is bad makes you stressed and more unhappy.

I suggest you try some self help books and see what other approaches offer. Ie. CBT, human givens, mindfulness to name a few. I also think you need to think what you are hoping to achieve. Ie. living a happy life in a present rather than reflecting on what you can't change. Depending on what approach appeals to you then you can pick a theraphist.

I'm in London Worldwithwings.

I'll have a look on the UKCP website (I found my current one on the BACP website but went with him because he sounded nice in his blurb and also he lives close to me!). I'll also look into CBT. All of the jargon on the different people's entries on the BACP website completely confused me!

I think the most important thing is that you already like him, feel he is empathetic towards you, think he is being supportive - all of these will mean you can form a therapeutic alliance with him.

The BACP website is fine for finding a therapist, a lot are registered with UKCP and BCABP too.

He won't tell you what your issues are (neither will anyone else) as YOU already know and he will help you decide how you want to deal with them - again not by telling you how to but by helping you identify how YOU want to.

What most people don't realise about therapy is that no one tells you what to do but instead helps you identify them for yourself and then helps you remove the obstacles for growth.

For example (a famous example from a well known therapist before anyone accuses me of breaking confidentiality) - the therapist noted that the client was having difficulty in stopping stealing small items from shops, the client talked about it a lot (at no point did the therapist say they should stop or tell them what they were doing was wrong - but did ask what they thought were the consequences if they carried on). The therapist gave the client $50 and said that when the urge came upon the client to steal they should pay for it out of this money instead.

In this (extreme) example the therapist helped the client identify they wanted to do something, let them identify the issues and consequences and then when they were having difficulty offered them a possible solution.

There are many things going on in this encounter but perhaps some of what stopped the client stealing (and they returned the $50 after a month as they had no use for it) was that their therapist showed them an alternative, trusted them that they didn't need and could stop (even when they didn't 'know' it fully themselves) and invested in them when they thought they couldn't.

This therapist helped them remove this obstacle for growth - and lots of obstacles can be achieved by talking about it when the client identifies what there issues are and what they want to work on.

In a roundabout way I'm saying that it really matters that you find a therapist you like - and it doesn't matter so much what their approach is (I use different techniques depending on the client)

You'll have lots of choice in London. Might be worth trying CBT plus some other models and see which suits best. At the first appointment you'll get a good feel for the kind of person the therapist is and what they'll offer you. I would generally go for someone with UKCP accreditation over BACP because the requirements are more stringent. For CBT I think the accrediting body is sometimes BABCP or BPS if it's a psychologist. I interviewed three therapists of different orientations before I decided on my current one. I felt safe with her and her advice has been spot on for what I have needed and very stabilising.

The first person I'd have the conversation with is your current therapist about what is helping and isn't helping

This is a really comprehensive page about counselling and the different types
www.mind.org.uk/help/medical_and_alternative_care/making_sense_of_counselling

I would not agree that you are likely to get a "better" therapist with UKCP. I've sat in with many different types of psychological practitioner as I have worked as an NHS interpreter and it just wasn't that cut and dried as to which type and which accrediting body was best.

If you are looking at something which is time limited, want to work out patterns and have some input back from the therapist, you could also make enquiries with a cognitive analytical therapist. In the NHS CAT tends to be used for people at the more severe end I've found but I think it is a very comprehensive and helpful intervention.
www.acat.me.uk/page/how+does+cat+work