I believe my friend (call her Sue) is in a relationship which is heading headlong into being abusive.
She is already taking responsibility for his issues i.e.: he is a gambler, but but but he only loses when he drinks. So if he spends all their money it's her fault for 'letting' him drink too much.
One of the times he did this she was in A/E with her demented Grandmother who had just fallen.
The time before was our first 'girls' night out in over 10 months.
In other words she shouldn't be going out. .
Any other nights I had tried to arrange were derailed by him either a family issue (his family) or him accidently arranging something for the same night. (one/twice bad planning 4/5 times. . . deliberate).
The last time he got pissed she caught him on a gambling site ; he threw the laptop at her (as far as I'm concerned that is a form of physical abuse. I mean I've thrown things at OH slippers/ books on one occasion a wellie, but nothing that could cause serious hurt and never in anger).
From all accounts he didnt 'just' sweep the laptop off the table he closed it and flung it at her so there was thought in it.
But he didn't mean it; she didnt approach him the right way.
The noise of their fight was bad enough for one of the neighbours to call the police, who I have to admit, were very good.
They Sue and wanker live in a verythick walled detached house I admit the neighbours house is very close but there had to be a lot of noise for them to (a) hear it (b) be bad enough to call the police.
I believe that the only reason that I know about this is because the police encouraged her to call someone for support and in a moment of clarify she called us. We of course went straight over. The police couldn't remove him as although the laptop was shattered and she was upset there was no evidence of anything other than an argument.
He; policeman I spoke to, felt that while nothing had happened it was a case of when rather than if.
The wanker had turned on the waterworks the minute the police pulled up outside. they did ask her several times if she wanted him removed from the property, but of course with the tears she fell back in to the habit of feeling sorry for him.
And at 2 points out of his ear/eye sight that I was aware of they asked if there was anything thing else she wanted to report.
We persuaded her to come home with us, while I was grabbing some of her things from the bathroom he had followed me and asked me what I was doing. I very calmly said I was getting stuff so Sue could come home with us. He squared up to me and muttered 'Who the fuck do you think you are?'
Now I'm a big girl and he is a weedy little fucker even with the male/ female strength imbalance I could still give him a hiding.
Not that that is the point, the thing to me that even though he knew that there were 2 police officers who were itching to take him in, he still thought it was ok to try to act verbally aggressively towards me.
I told her this once I'd got her calmed down in my house, trying to impress on her how potential dangerous he was, she took this as proof of how abnormally he was behaving, because apparently he really likes and respects me. . .
I did point out he was meant to love and respect her but thought it was ok to throw a laptop at her.
I really want to shake her and tell her to wake up to look where this is going,
Last time we spoke I was so angry at her to the point of shouting at her that this was an abusive relationship. Her comeback was that women like us don't get abused, she's not a victim and he didn't hit her.
I want to cry. She is so deep in and I'm afraid that I've fucked up and she won't tell me if anything else happens.
At this point there is nothing else I can do is there, I've read enough threads on her to know that until she is ready to acknowledge that this is not healthy nothing I do is going to matter is it?
(Just to add to the cliche all his ex's are nutters. . . they rushed in to living together in another village well away from all her friends and family at his suggestion. He wants them to have a baby, he doesn't see his other children because of his 'mad' ex's. He's a great one for big expensive gestures but she's had to borrow money to pay for petrol to get to work, oh God this is going to at the least end badly isn't it)