Can you change your Social Worker if you feel she is not listening to youor helping you?

[M0naLisa]

Posted in here last week Here yes i did post under an alias but i cant be bothered to go change my name again!!

My friend has got SS involved, her SW treats her like something she has trodden in - like most SW in this area - (One of the countries worst areas for SW getting involved when theres no need and them taking children into care for no reason)
Anyway friend spoke to her SW supervisor and ask to change her SW to different SW who came out with her original SW a few weeks ago.
Friend was told she can not ever change her SW and at this time in the investigation she wouldn't have been able to anyway if she was given that option.

Can you change your SW if you feel that she is not helping you or co-operating with you?

Friend is desperate!!

Also said friend is at a meeting in March and has asked me to go along with her to take notes and for support as her fiance wont go as he feels they are going round in circles with this SW as she is not listening to what friend is saying to her.

Well having just read the other thread, what is the problem with the SW? Sorry but I really hope that SS would not allow her kids back with her in the situation she is in. That should be the wake up call she needs to get rid of this man out of her life.

The SW cuts her off mid talk, never turns up when she said shes going to turn up then lies that no one was in. Last time the social worker was turning up i was there as we had left college and i went back to hers, SW was due at 4pm, i left at 5.30 and she had still not been. The next day at college the SW rings friend and tells her that she missed her last appointment as she turned up at 4.05pm and no one answered. Friend said she wasnt there as we were in and waiting. She isnt helping her in the ways you would want a SW to help you. She feels lost, last time she saw her she said the SW wouldnt let her ask questions as she kept cutting her off. And when friend asked first time why the SS were involved as the children were not at risk, the SW turned round and said to her 'No and neither was Baby P according to his mother'

Surely a SW cant treat you like shit like that?

I know but she loves him.

Its easier said than done for some isnt it!?

Loves him???

Lilac i know i have asked her apart from love what is there and she couldnt answer me :(

Your friends seems to be very much in denial. :(

I know it is easier said that done, and I am not sure really what to say to you. You havent known her very long, and I hate to say it, but is it possible that she may be not being entirely truthful with you too? I feel sorry for her situation, but it looks to me like the help is there but she doesnt want it. How anyone can give up their children over a man who beats them is beyond me, and I speak as someone with experience of DV.. I can understand women who are too scared to leave because of their kids, I can understand women who run away and are too scared to take their kids because the abuser is the father.. but your friend sounds like exactly the sort of woman who does need intervention from SS and is not likely to take kindly to them.

I am sorry, I know I sound harsh, but I doubt that SS are going to look in the wrong in this situation if she does try to do anything.

Surely she loves her children more? Be a mate, give her some confidence. When she says she loves him just remind her that sadly he doesn't feel the same, he wouldn't act so badly if he did. Tell her she would manage on her own, Would you help her out a bit? Any family nearby to offer support?

Try to quickly make her realize that she needs to get rid of him.
She is damaging her children knowingly just by exposing them to this.
The social workers obviously and rightfully need her to sort this out quickly.
Whilst she wallows in pity her children are around this cretin that she loves(?)

He has obviously done enough damage to her self esteem, if she was on the ball she wouldn't put up with this, Hence the hard act from social workers.
Your friend has responsibility to put the welfare of her children first.
It's not happening by the sounds of it. They have the interests of the children at heart. It is their job and they have to do it i'm afraid.

How old is your friend? You say you are both at college??

Well, I'm not defending the social worker - who should behave professionally and courteously - but your friend needs to understand that the social worker is not there as a support service for her, but to protect the children. If the sw feels that your friend poses a risk to her dc, then no, she won't be co-operative or helpful. And the social work manager won't see why she should reshuffle workload around the team to accommodate your friend's wishes. In fact, they will prefer not to do this because it will disrupt the process of assessing the children's needs and deciding what to do next. Think about it: if parents could demand a new social worker every time they didn't like one, that would be a very effective way of stalling the entire process.

I'm sounding harsh, but I'm not actually unsympathetic to your friend. But I think she needs to get her head around the reality of her position. THE SOCIAL WORKER IS NOT THERE FOR HER! She urgently needs to show the social worker that she is concerned about the impact of her current situation on her children's wellbeing and willing to create positive change. If she won't leave an abusive partner then the social worker may conclude she can't and won't protect her dc from the consequences of DV.

What does your friend want more - her partner or her children? Because she may have to choose.

Devora well said.
Maybe show her the threads that you have made? She urgently needs some perspective. I understand that she is suffering atm, But so are her children and they didn't ask to be in a bad situation. Maybe if she see's that she is able to get help and support she will find the strength to do the right thing.
Bitching about someone that has been appointed to watch over the welfare of somebody that is failing as a parent is avoiding the issue, surely you see that? Can you get your friend to see that too?

It's very unhealthy and emotionally damaging for children to witness abuse. Arguing the way you describe is not normal and it does sound like there is more to this.

She needs to get her head out of her relationship before they take away her kids. He is not going to change, as if by magic one day.
It sounds like she expects him to though. Real life isn't a fairy tale, crap men never change. Ask her if he is worth losing the kids over. You sound like a good friend, I hope you manage to help her.

We are late 20s.
It's a shame cos shes such a lovely lass.

SW is intrusive, involves confronting people on various concerns and sometimes children need to be removed from home for a time. This makes people resentful and ticked off with even nice and reasonable SWers. So no, generally they are not taken off a file by request - think of all the swapping around that would take place. Nothing would ever get done.

She needs to get rid of the abusive man, because it is neglect for her to have her children around him. However, the social worker should also behave professionally and you can help her with that. She needs to make an official written complaint listing all of the things you have said above with dates and times to the manager of the SS team. She should also take a dictaphone to all meetings with SW so that they can't get away with saying dodgy things 'off the record'. It sounds like she does have problems (and as an aside, why do people who are having trouble coping already then get puppies which just adds to the things to sort out? It's really odd, it's not like a pregnancy which can be unplanned, you do have to actually make an effort to go out and buy a dog- sorry this is really off topic but it just confuses me every time I see it), which she needs to sort out, but there is no excuse for social services making comments like that about baby P (and you can bet they'd be whining if someone started saying 'well and look how social services failed in that case' back to them), or not turning up and claiming they did. Like with any other complaint you need to keep records of each situation and exact times and details.

You cannot change SW for no good reason. You can ask for all appointments to be confirmed in writing, you can request a meeting with SW and their manager, you can make a complaint but you can't just change because you don't like them. The new baby is certainly at risk I this situation and ot's pretty naive of her to suggest it isn't.
She sounds in very great danger of putting an abusive man over her child/ren and this cannot be ignored by the SW.

She needs to leave him. Re. the visit though, you could write to the head of SS, copying the SW in, making it clear you were in and waiting for her, what time you arrived and left etc, and asking for it to be kept on file. I'd go for being confused though, rather than accusatory.

What exactly does your friend want the SW Dept to do ??

i'm very glad ss are involved. your friend is in complete denial about the situation she is in... that's sad but she's an adult and that's her choice... but her unborn baby has no choice and on the basis of what you've told us would almost certainly be at risk of signifcant harm. does your friend realise where this could end up? if she doesn't make some difficult decisions and act on them sharpish she shouldn't be suprised to find ss saying this baby cant be safely cared for by her when its born....

I can perfectly well understand your friends frustration with SW's. The first thing your friend needs to do is get rid of foresaid man! then she can collect herself and develop her role as a mother again.
My experience of SW was that she actively victimised me and discriminated against me, employing a heavy bias simply because I have bipolar disorder and let my son down on ONE occasion in seven years when I simply could not cope. I have been a wonderful mother to my son with sooo many happy memories and photographs of our time together during those seven years. Unfortunately because of the actions of one cruel ignorant SW and the twisted lying Paternal Grandparents I have not seen my son for a month and neither have my parents been allowed to. We have made police complaints on two occasions re. the abusive hate crime behaviour of the Paternal Grandparents. My mum and I have both made formal complaints about the inexperienced SW who ignores everything that the Paternal Grandparents do including physical violence towards me in my own home in front of my son. The social worker ignores their abuse and indeed on several occasions has withdrawn contact from entire maternal family because of the 'family dynamics' negatively affecting my son. IN other words: she reinforces and rewards the Paternal families abuse even though she has seen evidence. How she can live with herself I do not know. I only hope that we can swap this waste of space with someone with a logical reasonable head on their shoulders. Someone who can appreciate the risk to my sons emotional development and physical health if he stays living there. We go to court in late April and my parents and I are putting forwards proposals that my son lives with either them or with my mum and I together at my house. I hope we have a good judge who can see the reality of this awful mess the SW has made

This is an old thread.