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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

bum - my relationship seems to have turned, think it's the beginning of the end

24 replies

Mascaraohara · 26/01/2006 13:43

I'm not really sure what's happened, a few months ago I was posting on here about how it would be nice to get married as it seemed like it would tie up all the loose ends etc and now all of a sudden I feel like we have entered the 'beggining of the end' phase and I'm not really sure what to do about it. I know that he doesn't even realise and I'm tired of talking and him not listening. Have been really ill lately and haven't got the energy to keep making an effort (which I think has made me realise that it is always me making the effort). Not really sure why I've posted this but better out than in and all that. Our relationship has never been plain sailing but now I just can't be bothered and that's a really bad sign isn't it.

OP posts:
muma3 · 26/01/2006 13:45

i have a thread running similar . i feel the same hun . no advice to give but can sympathise and your not the only one
{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

cod · 26/01/2006 13:47

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 26/01/2006 14:00

Sorry to hear you're going through the same thing muma3, I'm not really feeling anything at the minute. Don't feel sad or angry or anything, just complete apathy.

Hi cod, yes, have had a very flu-type/stomachy thing. GP has been useless haven't been able to get an appointment or speak to them on the phone and not had the energy to argue with iron-lady receptionist. I've lost my internet access at home as well so have only been posting on days I've dragged myself to work out of obligation. Up side is that I've lost 7lbs and am feeling better today.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 26/01/2006 14:02

Sorry things are not working out MOH. Didn't you have probs with his sister/friends as well?

cod · 26/01/2006 14:04

Message withdrawn

Bettikitten · 26/01/2006 14:09

Maybe you are just down with your run of bad health just lately, am sure you will perk up and so will your relationship.

cod · 26/01/2006 14:11

Message withdrawn

cod · 26/01/2006 14:12

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harpsichordcarrier · 26/01/2006 14:34

ah MOH sorry to hear this
if you have been ill then yes that is probably what is making you feel like this
is there any way you can make somet ime to talk when he will listen? get some time alone together?

prettyfly1 · 26/01/2006 14:44

hi moh, i hope your feeling better and i do remember how hopeful you were a couple of months ago. are you sure your not just drained cause of how ill you have been???

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 26/01/2006 15:23

lol @ cod, yes he's prob got tired of hearing me flushing the toilet all night and getting back into bed freezing cold.

He just doesn't listen really full stop, may well be feeling like this due to illness actually - maybe should wait until I'm feeling better to discuss. Although he never listens anyway, think the difference is I'm normally nagging him to come in at a reasonable time or do something with me and at the minute I've stopped caring what time he comes in or where he's been.

I know he lied to me about where he was Friday night and I care so little that I haven't even bothered mentioning it let alone tripping him up about it. This is a really bad sign - right(?)

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 26/01/2006 15:42

MOH you sound really down. Why don't you care anymore? Sounds like something has changed in your head or else you are just too poorly & tired to be interested in anything.
Why did he lie to you about Friday?

sunchowder · 26/01/2006 15:58

Mascara - wish I had something good to say, just wanted to let you know that I agree with the others, maybe it is because you have not been feeling well. When are are feeling more fit, maybe try a weekend away to get some perspective. I would not try to talk about much to him in until you are really feeling more like yourself, but of course, it is up to you.

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 26/01/2006 16:01

Oh he's always lying to me about stupid things like where he's been etc.

Just feel really worn out Bugsy2. I think things have been changing in my head for a few weeks. Told him a couple of weeks ago that I thought he was treating me like a mug. Then I got sick and have been up and down since - give him his dues he's been pretty helpful whilst I've been ill but he still goes to the pub every night before he comes in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mascaraohara · 26/01/2006 16:03

thanks sunchowder - posts crossed.

tbh I can't even be bothered to talk to him about it. Have got to the point where I don't care if he's there and I don't care if he isn't

OP posts:
Original poster
Mascaraohara · 26/01/2006 19:19

Finally have fixed my internet connection.

Do you know what made me realise that things were changing, it was when I nearly ran out out petrol a couple of weeks or so ago and when I thought of who to call he wasn't the top of the list.

OP posts:
eemie · 26/01/2006 19:57

Mascara, sorry you feel like this but if you've been really poorly it can change your whole perspective so drastically.

Also, don't know if this applies to your relationship, but I'm really hopeless when my husband is ill, I don't feel sorry for him, I just feel angry. I make an effort to look after him but with gritted teeth. Took me years to understand why - to do with the anxiety - if anyone else is ill I'm fine.

Other people on here have posted about how particularly dreadful their partners are (not just seem) when they're ill - one of sobernow's posts sticks in my mind.

Why don't you focus on looking after yourself and getting really well, and put everything else on hold? Really we should be advising you to do that anyway regardless of other circs

cod · 26/01/2006 20:24

Message withdrawn

eemie · 26/01/2006 20:57

So coddy, what's the answer?

Are you ebing a nagg y cow?

You can tell us, you know.

cod · 26/01/2006 21:23

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 27/01/2006 09:23

Yes cod it's little lies like that but they don't always add up.

Think I must be a naggy cow.

Have asked him to stay at his this weekend so I can get some space and get my head together.

OP posts:
cod · 27/01/2006 10:10

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 27/01/2006 12:09

..and he whinged something along the lines of "If that's what you want" then carried on as normal.

dd was, this morning, refusing to go swimming without him though on Sunday. Told her this morning he was going on a little holiday for a few days so she could say bye etc

OP posts:
lemonstartree · 27/01/2006 12:10

Also, don't know if this applies to your relationship, but I'm really hopeless when my husband is ill, I don't feel sorry for him, I just feel angry. I make an effort to look after him but with gritted teeth. Took me years to understand why - to do with the anxiety - if anyone else is ill I'm fine.

That is EXACTLY how I feel, exactly

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