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Relationships

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What on earth has happened to my libido?

5 replies

SexProblem · 20/02/2012 15:49

Me and DH used to be proper sex maniacs. When we first met it would be several times a day, of course it wasn't like that forever, but we were solid four times a week sexers, with about once every two weeks having a mega night of passion. We had short breaks for things like late pregnancy, illness, etc, but that was more or less how we were. We did pretty much everything.

Now we seem to have gone wrong somewhere. I take ages and ages to get warmed up, and if I'm not actually gagging for it when he actually gets inside me then I lose my enthusiasm really quickly. But if I am gagging for it then I don't take long, then I am left with him plodding away and again I get bored. He takes ages to ejaculate, and if he doesn't take ages he apologises, even though I have told him a million times that I prefer it that way - that way it feels like it is because he is aroused, rather than some kind of workout.

I try to give him foreplay, but I seem to have lost the knack, and whereas before we could spend ages teasing each other and just enjoying ourselves, now it kind of feels mechanical. It doesn't help that he keeps saying things like it is the best blowjob he has ever had when I know for a fact that it isn't.

I've totally lost the desire for anything unusual too - the toys haven't come out in months, we haven't done anything like tying each other up, sex outside etc, and in fact the idea just leaves me cold.

I still really really fancy him - I get horny just looking at him. I love cuddling and flirting and even a bit of a grope, but as soon as it looks like there is sex on the cards I just freeze up.

I still masturbate, but not as much as I used to, and it is nearer a quick scratching of an itch than anything.

Help!

OP posts:
SexProblem · 20/02/2012 15:59

Oh dear, that sounded a bit trolly - er, penguins, moldies, nice ham, etc.

OP posts:
ANewPseudonym · 20/02/2012 16:10

How old are you both? How long have you been together/ living together/ married?

Anything on your minds - stressed with work etc? Bereavements? Recent babies?

I think there's natural peaks and troughs. Could it just be a phase?

Have you experiemented so much, it feels like there's nothing else exciting left to do?

salamanda · 20/02/2012 16:33

How long have you felt like this? It could just be hormones fluctuating (and they do this for no apparent reason). The situation you describe happens to us too and I've just decided to accept that these things go in phases and that there's no need to worry if you're not consistently shagging 4+ times a week. A 'boring' phase will last anything up to a couple of months for us, then we'll get back into it again (so to speak :)

salamanda · 20/02/2012 16:34

(we've been married a couple of years, together for 9)

ANewPseudonym · 20/02/2012 16:48

I agree salamanda, I've been with my DH for 15 years and married for 9. In that time, there's definitely been phases.

Low points for me have been:
stress with work
bereavement
moving in together spoilt it for while (didn't like that it was on tap all the time, was used to grabbing it whenever we saw each other).
Trying to concieve, sex got boring and felt 'enforced'.

High points:
After we got married (was less worried about pregnancy).
After my DD was born (in a similar way it was not on tap all the time).
Lately it's just sky-rocketed and I think it's my age, plue we are so used to each other and our likes/dislikes etc.

I'm sure my DH has gone through similar phases, but I don't think it's been so obvious as he's generally up for it anytime I would want to.

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