Need advice on what to do about bullying father.

[MoneyWhereYourMouthIs]

Backstory: DF remarried a Kenyan prostitute when i was 22. To begin with a was utterly supportive but she turned out to be extremely unpleasant so i haven't seen her for 12 years. My Dad does whatever he can to keep her happy and has lost most of his friends over her.

She lives in the UK and he is mainly based in Australia as he travels extensively and she hankers over the Oxshott WAG lifestyle. She now has a British passport as it was one of the deals he made when she threatened to leave him and take their daughter (my half sister).

He has bad form in relation to me: always puts his second family first, said he'd pay for my wedding and didn't, went on holiday with DSM and DSis when my DS had been admitted as a Code Blue to intensive care and we were staying with him in Oz. We get on brilliantly when it is not to do with money nor his new family, if these issues come up I am relegated to down the back.

Something has clicked recently. He agreed to rent our house in Sydney then demanded an outrageous reno once he was in to make it up to standard for his wife. He called me up when i was pregnant to scream at me when it looked like it wouldn't be finished in time for DSM's annual visit. Anyway, when she found out it was our house she refused to stay in it anyway and made him pay for a hotel over the holidays. They are seriously minted BTW.

Anyway, after Christmas DF said that's it, he's moving out (email said "Frayd so, sorry o" when i asked for confirmation). He's breaking the contract justifying it with a spurious reason "My wife's a smart cookie and said etc".

I AM BEYOND FURIOUS at his lack of guilt and support. He says he wants to pop in to see us on his way to the UK and meet his new granddaughter but i really don't want to see him. He's left us with $18,000 bill because of his demands and moving out early. I'm considering serving him with a writ if he doesn't pay the break penalty (which i know he won't).

He is a bully, very unpleasant if he doesn't get his own way but do i rob my children of a chance to spend time with their GF?

The irony of it all is that she cannot stand him and only wants him for his money. It would also suit her if i backed out of his life as she wants to alienate him from his children but I don't want to fight to be in his life anymore if he can be such an arsehole.

Anyone be through similar? Did it resolve? Did you tell your dad what you were feeling? Did it help?

Dear god - how long is that!!!

Serve him that writ! Your relationship doesn't mean a thing to him and your DCs presumably need clothes and things so you need your money paid back. It will also send him a strong message that he's gone too far this time and if he wants a relationship in the future he's going to have to do the running. Your DCs will not be missing out on knowing this person - I have made a similar decision myself and can only think that I've saved my DC a lot of scares, upset and boredom!

Thanks Art i'm new to this really. How did you deal with your parent?

I think that you should serve him with a writ, also. However now that you are an adult he does not owe you any finacial support.

So it is quite right that his new wife and DD, whilst she is under 18, comes before you.

His marriage, as hard as it is, is his choice and nothing to do with you.

OK but what do i do about the possible impact this will have on his relationship with me and really, more importantly, his Grandchildren?

Weigh up the equality of the relationship and in the future could this be damaging to your children.

Think about if you would be happier keeping a distance. Or if you can manage an occassional meeting without is bothering you.

Is your father likely to promise your children things and then let them down, in the way that he did over your wedding (which i agree he should have contributed to, at least).

I would always welcome your half sister, in the future, though.

agree with Art.

Why should he have a relationship with your children? Is he a good role model? Kind and compassionate person? No? Then they won't be losing out.

I didn't mean to sound harsh but sometimes it can eat you up if you think that you are missing out on something that you should be getting.

Better to rationalise it out and decide that you can manage to be independant, ask or expect nothing,it makes you happier in the long run.

I just don't contact that person. I have told family members upon pain of death to not give him my telephone number or address and as time passes him and his wierd family have got the message.

I also realise that by doing this I have forfeited any right or expectations on any inheritance or anything at all really. Its hard at the beginning though because some people can start talking about "blood being thicker than water" and taking it upon themselves to pass news or information but you just have to stand firm. I'm lucky because I feel no guilt or obligation - I probably once did though... time is a great healer!

Thanks all. Firstly for reading it and then for posting! I'm going to have to take a deep breath over this i think. So sad.

I like the saying someone said on here recently that blood being thicker than water just means it makes a bigger mess of the carpet.

Another one was, "blood is thicker than water, but then so is shit".

"blood is thicker than water, but then so is shit"

I love that one. Its so rude!

Why on earth would you want your lovely children to have a relationship with this.....this....tosser who tries to masquerade as your father and their grandfather.

For goodness sake - he's absolutely horrible.

Please, you have to accept he will never be the Daddy you would have like to have had (and deserved) - and he is never going to be a good role model for your children either.

Sue his ass off! That will certainly get his attention!

nightmare. what a role reversal eh? he's like a selfish teenager trashing his parents house and expecting hand outs

is your mum still around or is he all you have left?