hes been found out

[lizma]

i have been married for 33 years we have had ups and downs i have 2 grown up children living at home, we have grown apart but i have just found out he is having a relationship, with someone i thought of as a friend,( not the first time ) his previous relationships have also been with so called friends of mine, the i thought something was going on even had an idea who with. I feel that i have done what i can he says we have not been right for years he now feels very depressed and crying all the time, he hasnt said the relationship will end. i have been to see a solicitor for advice i think i want a divorce he wants to wait for 6 months to get his head together.

I found out when i found a keyring in his pocket with her photo in, at the time he was more upset about me going through his pockets, which i didnt do.

He sits upstairs on his computer at every opportunity he gets, on the webcam he even puts locks the door, he does work full time does nothing in the house, he is very selfish. He gets as much freedom as he likes for golfing and fishing.

Maybe i have been to soft, i have no friends, i feel very lonely. i know i am overweight and have a few health problems.

I do still love him i dont know whether i should wait to divorce or go for it now i am very angry.

I think you should file for divorce immediately. He does no deserve the luxury of 6 months 'to get his head together'.

You have been treated very badly.

he's taking the extreme piss wanting you to make allowances for him.

you do what's best for you. he's screwed up, big time. make the right decision for yourself and dont allow yourself to be manipulated by his emotional tactics.

He knew full well what he was doing. Rather than address any problems in your relationship, he has chosen, AGAIN, to piss around rather than focus on his marriage.

If it was me, he'd be long gone. sorry, for my harshness, just feeling very angry on your behalf!

It doesnt sound like there is any way back from this. Save your dignity, dont afford him the luxury of thinking time and ask him to leave. Arrange yourself some counselling asap - apart from finding a good solicitor this is the best thing you can do.

It is a lonely place, a bad marriage. The sooner you are out of it the better. You can move on, make new friends and not be dragged down by someone who treats you so badly.

Good luck. It will be a hard road (I am on it myself) but ultimately you will be a lot happier.

lizma I am pretty much in the same situation. This time there is no going back. I am going to find a rotweiler of a lawyer and take my H's sorry arse to the cleaner's. I cannot forgive him ruining our entire future.

I wouldn't give him six months. He may be using that time to hide any money &/or hide/sell any assets that he can cheating you out of what should be yours.

It's kinda what I'm doing. My H has spent so very much of our money on his wants/himself while I've been very frugal trying to save for my retirement which of course doesn't work very well when he spends it. I want a divorce but he will get half of all my remaining frugal work. But, I'm trying to be patient on filing in order to slowly hide money protect my financial future.

In tears and asking you to wait six months while he 'gets his head together'?

Seems to me that the cunning little selfish fucker hasn't entirely been wasting his time behind closed doors on t'internet and he's discovered that you won't be able to divorce him for adultery if you wait longer than six months after his most recent legover with an ow adulterous act because if you fail to file for divorce within this period, you will be regarded as having accepted his adulterous affair.

I suggest you get back to your solicitor and instruct him/her to file your petition for divorce on the grounds of his adultery asap. If so minded, you can withdraw it at a later date - but I sincerely hope you won't as, notwithstanding the very long length of your marriage, it seems to me that there's very little in it for you.

What Izzy said.
You will feel better once you start being pro-active, and start calling the shots.
Take no notice of his selfish tears , the only reason for them being is that he has been found out, not guilt!

thank you all for your messages i have taken on board some of this advice and have been to the solicitor to get things rolling thanks once again

holy cow, he's got a nerve.

So glad you are getting support in here and have been to see a solicitor.

It might feel as though you still love him but it's more likely that you feel attached out of sheer habit and that when you separate (please tell me you will leave him) you will start to detach, you will have to, and then your true self can begin to surface.

Take care of yourself in all the sensible ways - sleep, nutrition, exercise, support (counsellor, call on any friends or kind people you know, self-help books) - and it will start to fall into place. And the more that you fall into place, the further you will move from him.

Your life is beginning again!

Well done. It can be very scary but you are not alone. Keep posting for advice and support, there are hundred of women here who have been where you are now and their help will be invaluable to you x