How do you split the house chores?

[puggirl]

I live with DP with no children but a dog and 2 cats. He will empty and load dishwasher( as I do too) however has yet to clean bathroom/ vacuum/ polish/ mop floor/ take any interest in washing machine.

In the sumer he will mow the lawns but will not trim the edges or take any responsibility for weeding the large-ish borders.

We have been together nearly 10 yrs and living together for nearly 4 yrs. It has always been a source of many a disagreement but it becoming ridiculous now.

He tells me he does the big house jobs ie decorating/ maintenance but actually these are occasional while cleaning is weekly.

I find the resentment mounting as I try to keep the house in a clean and presentable state while he lies in till 11am at weekends then takes root on the sofa watching anything from cricket/ football/ bloody snail racing.

Have spoken to a couple of friends but they are happy (?) to do all domestic chores while their DHs surf the net.

What does everyone else do? (slopes off to quietly sob while looking at state of kitchen and hope for some replies...)

After 5 years (will discount the years before we actually bought a home together) we have settled into a general:

him:
bathrooms (although he doesnt 'do' glass or the floor)) once a week or so
bins
ironing (only his shirts get done - so he does them)
mopping the floors (once in a blue moon - but more than I do it!)
any gardening stuff except mowing which we both do.
getting up in the morning for the 5 yo.

me:
cooking
bathrooms (floor and glass and everything else, but only once every few months :0 )
laundry
washing up (which I hate, but I do it all)
general cleaning (like dusting etc)
any DIY
any household finances
getting up in the night for the toddler
getting up in the morning with the toddler
bathing the kids
making the beds.

both of us do:
tidying up
kitchen cleaning (although he likes to request praise for his contributions LOL)
vacuuming (he probably does it more than me)
shopping
dishwasher (although its mostly unloaded by me)
homework and reading.
looking after the kids at the weekends (either together, or separately)

We are literally a 50/50 split, I think. The only job 'he does' is the bins on a Monday night; although whilst he takes them out, I change the bed and stick the sheets on a wash. So that's fair, I think.

Otherwise, there are no set jobs and the house stays absolutely spotless, but only because DH really steps up to the mark and puts in the same amount of effort I do.

I am very fortunate to have a DH who realises it is hard graft, and I think it is partly just the way it is, but also partly because I handed over one month of mat leave over to him whilst I got back into work (post PND so I had a LOT of time off), and I think it hit him like a ton of bricks how hard it is. He recognised being a SAH parent (and keeping the house clean) as a full tile job the first day I came home from a day at work at 5pm, to the house a bit of a tip and a sobbing DS, and I gave him that 'look' right back. The one that says 'what have you been doing all day?' The same look I got from him for 6 months. Karma's a bitch, ain't it?!

I do everything. I have always done everything.... even when I worked full time in a 60hr/wk job. By everything I mean abso-bloody-lutely everything including the lawns, wood cutting, and other stereotypical man jobs. This is why I no longer work, in the employed sense.

What winds me up is he actually says to my face 'the house runs itself, so you should be doing 8hrs a day in the garden'. It is a stupidly huge house, that requires a stupidly huge amount of cleaning.

Bitter. Much!!!

(He has redeeming qualities )

It was a bone of contention until DH read a book about taking care of babies and realised how much household work I did, and how hard it would be once we had a baby. If it helps this is how it breaks down for us:

Now that I'm pg he usually does the washing. Before, we sort of took turns or did it together. I don't iron, he does when he has to.

We both tidy, but only when we know company's on the way, or DH starts to feel twitchy. I tend to clean the downstairs loo because my eyes are better and I see the grime. Ditto cleaning countertops. Hardly use upstairs loo. DH hoovers and sweeps.

In summer he mows the lawn... I do the weeding (a bit!). In winter he shovels snow and cleans ice from car 75% of the time (not in UK). He takes the bins out (we sort of take turns when I'm not pg). I do household organising, he does all DIY with me helping when he calls.

DH usually does dishwasher (unload we both load it as the day wears on). I cook the meals, bake, make the tea and toast in morning, etc. Though pg nausea has thrown that off a bit atm i mostly prepare things in bulk and he helps himself.

I do all the shopping, though he frequently comes along to help with lifting things/to watch trolley whilst I vom in ladies'.

It works for us. I feel he does a bit more than me on balance... I do more daily stuff, but he does the more tiring/annoying things imo.

Article in the Observer here about this.

Just noticed there is a 3+ week gap between posts on this thread.

I want to know how the spreadsheet went OP!