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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Any Linkedin experts out there- it IS relationship related.

9 replies

contactedinerror · 19/02/2012 16:00

This Is relationship related, so please bear with me.

I've been on Linkedin for years and when I receive invitations to be "connected" I assume the other person has personally generated the invite.

Recently- a few months back- I was told by a professional colleague, that LI had changed its default settings so they could send your details to 3rd parties without your knowing. I went into my settings and changed mine back to how they were.

Before I knew about the new default settings, I received an invite to "connect" from a significant ex. I posted about him a while back, asking if I should contact him after he dumped me, and I never spoke my mind to him about the "U" turn he made and how he treated me badly. I didn't contact him, so you can imagine my surprise when I received a LI invite from him.

I emailed to ask if he had sent it- a very brief, matter of fact email- and he denied it. He also started his email with "And a happy new year to you too." This was I expect a snipe at my lack of friendliness in the email- as if he has/had no idea how his "U" turn hurt me.

I queried the LI invite again, saying I'd no idea how it was sent without him generating it, and he continued to deny he had. he said if he wanted to contact me, he would. Thanks.

Could LI have access to his email addresses and have sent it - which is what he seems to think?

OP posts:
garlicfrother · 19/02/2012 16:04

I'm more interested in why it's bothering you. If I accept an 'invitation' without meaning to, I just log in and disconnect (or block).

Bproud · 19/02/2012 16:05

Why does it matter? Just decline and move on.

Trills · 19/02/2012 16:05

Why email to ask if he had sent it? Why not just ignore it?

SimoneD · 19/02/2012 16:06

Yes, you can click and it just sends invites to everyone on linkedin that is also in your email contacts. It happened to me without me realising.

contactedinerror · 19/02/2012 16:07

It's bothering me because it was very much over with this man. I walked away with dignity considering his behaviour. I decided not to rant at him when he had a complete change of mind about our future life together,( which included buying a house together- his idea) but decided if he ever contacted me again, I would tell him exactly what I thought of him.

OP posts:
Trills · 19/02/2012 16:09

I doubt it sent it without his permission, but it may have sent it without him specifically wanting to ask you - as Simone says it's easier than it should be to say "send invitations to everyone in my email contacts".

contactedinerror · 19/02/2012 16:10

Thanks SimoneD that is what I thought. I know you have to click something, but I also know that it's just possible to do that without realising what you've done. He is not a stupid person so I'd be surprised if he hadn't spotted that.

OP posts:
SimoneD · 19/02/2012 16:17

Im not a stupid person either contacted but as Trill says its very easily done to clink on the send invites button.
You seem very uptight about such a trivial thing

Vicky2011 · 19/02/2012 16:19

Yes I think the only way this can happen is if you let it request to connect to all your outlook or other email contacts. So it is possible that he didn't go the process of individually inviting you but has done so inadvertently. The other thing it might have done is listed you as a "person you may know" and he has clicked on that unthinkingly, but this is less likely obviously. As far as I know, there's no way that LI would send an invite as a spam - in fact it would completely negate the Ts and Cs which expressly say you should never invite someone to connect who you don't know. I know this as I had my account suspended once for requesting contact with a few people LI said I may know, I didn't actually know them, but we were former colleagues (from a v large business) so I requested to connect and 24 hrs later my account was shut down.

Definitely the wrong call to email him but then you know that now.

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