I have namechanged and never posted in this topic before:
Since DS was born, DH has tended to sleep on the sofabed in lounge (not always, but mostly) and maybe this is the root of the problem.
He's never really complained about this - I have asked, but he's always said he's fine and that he gets a better undisturbed night's sleep. He's always sad he loves me and that sex isn't everything in a relationship. We do still have sex, but probably not as much as we used to (we do have 4 DCs so, it sometimes need military precision planning!). Up until now, I have mostly felt reassured, happy and cherished. Since having kids, I'm aware that our sex drives are not equal, though.
Anyway, a few nights ago, I came downstairs to lock the door and I found him watching porn on tv - he'd obviously heard me coming downstairs and was fumbling with the remote, but it was too late and I saw what was going on. I felt bad for intruding, and I underatnd that he masterbates, but I was troubled, I suppose, with him watching what he was watching.
I spoke to him about it in the morning (I had discovered a few years ago that he'd been looking at a few sites on the computer - and we'd had a big argument then) and told him I felt a bit replused by it all, but he told me that sometimes it just 'helped'. We then started talking about the fact that he needed to have a visual stimulus and would sometimes fantasise. OK - I sort of get this - but I asked him who he fantasised about and he snapped 'That's none of your business!'. And whilst that may be true, I wasn't expecting that response and was a bit surprised by it. He then went on to say, 'I'm sure you must fantasise about your previous sexual relationships'. To be honest, this has just made me feel a bit sick. We've been married for getting on for 10 years and now I feel under pressure to have sex more (though I've got all this going round in my head) or if we don't and if he masterbates, I either have to put up with him watching porn, or accept that he's thinking about his past girlfriends.
How would you handle this?