Just left my P

[daiawnti]

After 6 years I have had enough of him and his ways. Now how do I rebuild my life?

Do you have children? A house together ?

Luckily no children as I couldn't have brought children into our very turbulent relationship. Now have moved back home, am at a loss really bt p is not making it easy.

If you've left him and have moved away, how is he able to be 'not making it easy' for you to get on with your life?

Constant phone calls, texts emails etc. Nasty messages left on the house phone.

When did you leave him? Today?

Is he trying to persuade you to go back to him?

Even though it is the right thing it still hurts.

Izzy, try being a little compassionate? Hm?

There are all kinds of ways he could be making it harder. Emails and texts etc.

Late last night.

X Posted SEE IZZY?

Telling me such things as you can't trust your friends I know all about what o get up to when you o on a night out etc. Texts with such things as I can't live without you.

Calling me and leavin messages calling me a slut.

Can you block his number? Or change yours & change your email address?
Sounds scary
you could write down all contact & the make a complaint to the police

He has been quite controlling, never realised how bad til now.

What is the point of your unnecessary comments, Selyna?

I was merely trying to establish in what way the OP's ex-p is preventing her from getting on with her new life and, FWIW, there are numerous ways in which an ex can attempt to blight their former partner or spouse's new life.

You're best advised to send him one message stating that if he doesn't desist from harassing you forthwith, you'll report him to the police and then block his calls/emails/texts and save all/any messages he leaves on your house phone. .

If he continues to harass you after you've given him fair warning, daiawnti please don't hesitate to go to the police because he may crank it up to a point where you'll find him on your doorstep or stalking your movements.

You may still entertain some fond feelings for him and the above advice may seem harsh, but if you don't take action to nip his unacceptable behaviour in the bud it could escalate into an extemely unpleasant situation.

What you've described is typical of a controlling and abusive individual who is unwilling to accept that their victim has escaped their clutches and is no longer available to be tormented on a daily face to face basis.

He'll stop when he finds another mug unsuspecting female to focus on but that could be way in the future and, in the meantime, you shouldn't have to put up with his crap or allow it to prevent you from living your life to the full.

When you say you have moved "back home" do you mean with your parents?

If so, what do they have to say about the abusive messages?

You can call BT or whoever, block them, or even call the police- it's harrassment.

Yes back home to parents, they are away at the moment but knows I am here.

Does he know your parents are away from home? When will they be back?

Monday, yes he does.

If he knows your dps are returning on Monday, he may stop calling your dps' house phone but he's unlikely to stop texting/calling/emailing you.

In any event, I'm sure you don't want your dps returning from what most probably a very nice break for them only to to discover they're caught up in this unacceptable state of affairs.

Send the abusive knob one text or email saying that if he continues to harass you, you'll report him to the police - and give them a call on the police non-emergency number if he doesn't stop bothering you.

Hard as it is, ignore any contact from him - change SIM card and e-mail address if necessary. And don't hesitate to report him for harassment to the police. Seriously. Abusive and controlling men don't let their prey go unless a force they are scared of tells them to knock it off. And he won't be impressed by anything you say; your opinion and feelings don't matter to him.

Now as to rebuilding your life: contact friends. Make new ones (hobbies, after-work drinks, etc). Do something symbolic that makes you feel that you are in control of your own new life now - like getting a new flat, new clothes, new furniture, new haircut, whatever.

Take time to grieve the relationship you wish/thought you had. Get angry, too. How could he be such a knob to you? etc. Do the Freedom Programme to help you come to terms with being in a relationship with an abusive and controlling partner, and help you avoid falling into a relationship with yet another one.

Stay single for at least a year. Only consider a new relationship once you're so secure and happy in your single life that a new bloke would really have to enhance your life to be let into it.

Have fun.