This has scared the shit out of me.

[LovelyLizzie]

A while back I met a guy on an online dating site, nothing came of it he wasn't my type. We exchanged a few emails then I let it drop. He didn't, he sent a couple of emails saying "is your email down" and "could you let me know if you aren't interested", but I didn't get round to it.
Today I get an email saying:

Lizzie,
did you know if you google this - (my email address)
or Lizzie in (my town)
you get this- (link to my full postal address)?
And that leads you to this- (link to google earth showing my house)?

This creeped me out completely. I rang the police for advice but they said he hadn't done anything wrong. I am scared now for myself and my kids.

I'm overeacting aren't I? Please tell me I'm overeacting.

You've done exactly the right thing - ignored him. Continue ignoring.

Be extra careful about locking doors, windows etc and try not to worry. He'll lose interest if you continue not to react at all .

Thanks Pickgo. I was wondering whether to send him a quick mail saying I wasn't interested but am scared I'll make it worse. Will take your advice.

Definitely don't reply. He may well be trying to scare you somehow and although you shouldn't dismiss it as a threat it's worth bearing in mind that people are much braver behind their keyboards than they are in real life.

Wow sounds like a total knob a nutter. He's obviously just trying to scare you.

Don't know much about dating sites but can you email their admin and let them know this guy's a creep?

Agree with the others not to email him back, it will just be fuel to the fire.

If he's found your address, it would seem he's gone a tad further than the average search.

What results do you get if you google his email address and/or his name and town?

Definitely email the dating site and tell them about this man, he sounds like a proper nutter.

Getting that email must have been scary but don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that it has had any effect on you. Don't respond but do block him from sending you any more emails.

Would it be worth saying something like - you don't think I'm stupid enough to give you my real name do you? And report him to the site owner. Unless people think this will provoke him more..

Thanks everybody, I am scared but you all have convinced me that ignoring him is the right thing to do. I'm not sure about contacting the dating site it might just add fuel to the fire. I just want him to leave me alone. I've not met him or even spoken to him.

The dating site won't contact him and tell him you've reported him for being a knob, they will simply suspend his account. Do it, stop him from harrassing some other woman who may be even more frightened than you are.

Keep the email he sent you and log any further contact (there probably won't be any, but just in case) so you have a case for any action that may need to be taken against him.

thanks . I should report him really I suppose. I do really hope this is the end of it.

It probably will be, Lizzie, he's most likely a geeky IT nerd who is just showing off how clever he is , and thinks you will be impressed, rather than terrified.

Change your email address so all your real friends have your new one.

Keep your old one just in case so you can log any other new messages.

In future just get a free gmail address that you can keep for online forms so your not using your "real" addy. The if you ned to you can bin it & get another. Useful for using when internet shopping too, stops you getting mailshots in your inbox. The SPAM filter on gmail is pretty good too.

Ta bossy, may just do that.

Do you know his full name? Could you reply with something similar?

Someone did the same to me on a dating site and yes, it really freaked me out. I hadn't told him my name, but had emailed a document and it had my name in the footer.

Lizzie, does your email address contain your full name? You should really have one with a nickname instead - make sure you don't enter your real name when it asks for it, though.

Unfortunately my email lets the recipient know my full name when I send an email to them. I never noticed that before.

I think I would have to write to him. I couldn't let it go. He is scaring you and he'd have to be a complete idiot not to know that.

"Dear X

I'm sorry I didn't let you know I wasn't interested in going out with you. I was really busy with personal issues and by the time I remembered to write to you, I thought it would be too late.

Do you realise how your last email came across? It may seem interesting to you that you can view where I live without my inviting you here, but I think anyone else would think it bordered on stalking.

Please don't reply to this.

Y"

Ignore him but take the rest of the advice given in the replies so far about changing your email address etc.

I had a slightly creepy experience with a work contact many years ago. We'd got on well and he'd asked me out and I'd declined. he lived on the other side of the country from me, and this was many years before the days of google & facebook.

didn't see him for months after that. The next time I ran into him, he said "hi greatdomestic - followed by my full name" - which almost noone knows other than my family. He then asked me if I was still going out with my then ex bf - gave his full name too.

It freaked me out as I kept wondering how he could possibly know these things about me and why he had invested the time in finding them out. But it was just to make me feel uncomfortable, which he succeeded in. It creeped me out a bit but I never heard from or saw him again. Hopefully if you don't respond you won't hear from him again either.

Lizzie just disengage. He will take any response as encouragement. You have said No. No further negotiations are required.

I think you should have let him know you weren't interested, but the fact that you didn't in no way excuses his weirdness! I like Imperial's email - maybe use it if he contacts you again.

Handdived, she hasn't said no - I think this guy feels there is still a chance (although god knows why he thinks scaring someone would make them interested!).

Just been thinking about this and would be very tempted to find a way of discovering his name. Fake profile?

If you are going to change your e-mail I would leave your old one active otherwise he will know you have changed it. That may prompt him to try and find your new e-mail address. If your e-mail address is still active you can check it and see if he carries on e-mailing or becomes more threatening and take it from there. Basically there are lots of stalker red flags here. He isn't taking No for an answer, he has found your address. Disengaging is pretty effective to minimize their affect on you and helps prevent any potential escalation.

No you're right eeyore. Sorry misunderstood the OP. In that case tell him no once (without conditions e.g. not ready at the moment) then disengage. ImperialBlether's suggestion for an e-mail is good.