Can I trust him?

[therapymumsy]

Get comfy and have cuppa to hand cos sorry but this is longwinded ...
Exactly three months ago I found evidence ( lots of it ) that my much adored and loved H had been leading double life ... Even before I met him over fifteen years ago.
He's admitted it. He's moved out on my say so. He's desperate to get back together.
This double life , of which I didn't have a clue , lead him to join numerous dating and adult sex websites, set himself up as escort, meet and have sexual relationships with men , have two year relationship with friends GF , have a wonderfully busy FBook account and much much more. All except friends GF was with an alias. I shan't bore you with the humiliation , hurt and anger I have experienced including a degrading trip to have STI check.
Anyway .... Still living apart three months later, he begs for forgiveness everyday and whilst I'm ok to be friends I can't do the husband and wife thing again. He was my best friend and soulmate. For him though he only wants us to be back together as friends is not enough for him......added to the above he claims he didn't feel he was unfaithful as it was under an assumed name .... Mmmmmmm
Anyway I'm 99% sure I'm not going there again! But he's wearing me down. Advice or virtual slap needed !!

He'll be telling you it was 'just sex' next. But he loves you and that's different. Quite frankly I'm amazed you can be anything like civil towards him.

You will see lots of threads on here from women who have been advised, rightly, that a partner has quite alot of work to do on their issues for forgiveness and return of trust to happen, over time.

He isnt even on stage 1 of at least 20, is he?

If he doesnt even consider a secret double life of any kind, never mind big scale infidelity, to be unfaithfulness, then what hope is there? Really?

God help us, its hard enough when they do see this, I should know! Been there, done that, with a fraction of what you have found.

Quite frankly I think you are still in shock, and may benefit from some therapy about how you got here.

Whereas of course it's understandable you want to hurt him sometimes, hurting people is bad. You don't want to hit him and be in big trouble, or set a dreadful example to any DCs you may have. So stay away from him and you won't be tempted!

Still about the "not cheating if you don't use your real name", and wondering what excuse he had for the friend's GF when she knew who he was! Maybe it's only cheating if it's with a stranger?

I am so sorry he put you through this but this man is not your friend or soulmate, the man you thought he was doesn't exist.

There are many many lovely men out there although this may be the last thing on your mind at the moment.

You and your dc deserve better.

claims he didn't feel he was unfaithful as it was under an assumed nam

He will never be faithful to you, sorry.

If he did that to me, he'd better move to another planet.

Can't thankyou all enough for giving me a virtual hug, bollocking or wake up call!!! I'm not sure why I had little wobble but am glad you all gave strength to gain that 1% back!
Am back on track today!

Hooray!

Well done OP. Stay strong and have nothing to do with the tosser