Is it a bad thing to fall out with people?

[PinkAndPurplePirateGirl]

I'm thinking it's not, but I don't know if I'm being too harsh.

Basically I posted on here a few months ago about feeling no one likes me, and saying that I was going to have a real trim down of people that I considered to be friends. I had a lot of people that I thought were friends but not many close friends and decided I wanted to really in a way give up on friendships and concentrate on myself. I've been having counselling. My self esteem was very low and in the past I have just accepted anyone and everyone as a friend, regardless of how they treated me. I've really taken a step back and have been letting people come to me rather than making any effort.

I really feel I am making some progress now and I'm finding that the new me is meaning that some people don't like the changes and can't accept that I won't accept anything and everything. I have fallen out with a few people (that I know separately rather than in a group). I wasn't nasty, just assertive and refused to conform to doing everything their way and they didn't like it. One of them repeatedly spoke to me badly and when I pulled her up on it recently we had a big argument and she has apologised so we are ok but I am very wary of getting back into a friendship with her and would rather treat her as an acquaintance now.

What I'm trying to say is, is confrontation bad? Or is it good that I'm being true to myself? I used to feel bad if I'd argued with anyone or fallen out with them and would analyse it and beat myself up but with these people I'm not particularly bothered.

Potentially good I would say. You certainly cant expect people to like it if you pull them up...and possibly suddenly changing the boundaries of an existing friendship will cause some to run. It sounds like you are aware of who is wheat and who is chaff tho so just tred sensitively with the wheat I'd say. For instance, I have a couple of lovely friends who hardly ever call me, I do the leg work, but I do still know we are good mates. Its just their wierd communication style! Dont necessarily reject on those grounds alone.

I have had many culls over the years, and I dont have loads of mates, but the ones I have are sound

Thank you oldernotwiser, you have hit the nail on the head for me. I know what you mean about wheat and chaff. To be honest, the only ones I consider to be wheat are those that have never let me down or done anything to upset me. I think I've been guilty of over-friending really, and just having too many friends, most of which are just hangers on out for themselves.