This is long and to be honest I havent really told anyone my predicament and just want to get things off my chest, and to see it in black and white might help me decide what to do. Please dont judge me.
I have been with DH for over 20 years, married for over 10 and we have one child. We are very similar in some ways ie we are both independent, work and earn enough to get by most of the time. Over the last few years though our sex life has totally died and i can count on one hand how many times we have got close since 2009. This really bothered me for a long time, i approached the subject in various ways with DH but it would often end in an arguement. Most recently I mentioned the lack of any affection there is now between us and how horrible it makes me feel but he turned it round and made it out that i was being spiteful, that he could no longer "seal the deal" with me and it was all down to my appearance :(. Im no model but I am also not vile. THis really cut deep and made me feel really bad about myself. However a few days later this insaitable lust came over him and he will now not keep his hands off me. The only thing is I feel like the spark has totally died and I feel nothing for him and can not return the same things with enthusiasm or will.
I work from home, I am also studying with a local college for personal and job development so spend alot of evenings now working on course work. This works in his favour as he is plays alot of Xbox video games till the early hours of the morning, or he will watch TV till late and fall asleep on the settee. This has caused rows as he wakes me up some nights coming to bed late. In a way although we are independent people we seem to have slipped into separate lives almost. He is nice dad to my DD, he works hard and has always seen things like housework, cooking etc as joint jobs and we both pitch in.
I had a very traumatic year last year as a young relative passed away after being very very ill in intensive care for 7 months. He found my reaction hard as it hit me hard and cried alot for the first few weeks. We rowed alot and I still dont understand why or how someone would row with another person who is grieving.
He doesnt ever want to go out for a drink, or a meal, he has become a homebody and this isnt enough for me. I really want more but feel like i am wrong for wanting this and should just put up living a humdrum boring life with someone who has become the total opposite of me.
Do you think a separation would help?