Am I doing the right thing?

[NewPseudonym]

Am I doing the right thing?

My FIL gives me the creeps. I've felt like this for years, well before DC, so I don't think it's a pfb thing.

PIL are welcome to come here anytime to see DD, but I really don't want DD being unsupervised with him. MIL has babysat at our home a few times, without FIL. We get on on a superficial level.

We get a lot of pressure to let DD go on holiday with them, stay over etc. DH feels the same way (he's not fussed on his father) about not letting them have DD, so I have his back-up, but I've never told him why.

I just feel like this is going to get worse as DD gets older.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being unfair (especially to MIL as she is fine), but can't shake this feeling.

You are under no obligation to allow something, esp somehting concerning your child, that you feel uncomfortable with.

Can you explain why he gives you the creeps, though? Not saying you're wrong to feel the way you do, just curious about what kind of behaviour on his part may have made you wary.

Thanks HOT.

Over the years he's said some very inappropriate things (once calling a child a bitch/ slut, but in a jokey manner). If someone brings it to his attention, he turns it on them as if they have no sense of humour. I just don't trust him. Many other things, but that's the one that sticks in my mind.

It's relatively unlikely that you feel that way for no reason. Have a chat to your DH about this so you're both on exactly the same page, figure out some boundaries with him (what level on involvement you're happy for your PIL's to have with your DC, what they'd have to do to be allowed more involvement, and what behaviour would get them less involvement) and then stick to them- united front and all that.

Thank you 21yrOldMan.

Ugh to "once calling a child a bitch/ slut".

I think it's always wise to trust your instincts, and when it comes to kids, it's just too damn important.

Dd would not go on holiday with anyone without me. I think lots of people feel like this so I don't think you need to defend yourself there at all. Does Dd stay with anyone else overnight? And how old is she.

Thanks Koda and forgotten.

DD is 3 and loves her grandparents. Up until now we've resisted letting her go, by saying she's too young etc. I don't know what I'm going to do when they ask and she says 'yes' though.

She doesn't really stay with anyone else, my mum has had her once overnight for DH and I to go out, but I didn't make that public knowledge.

It's hard, because the other grandchildren seem to spend all their free time with them and I think they expected the same with our DC. I suspect they think we are controlling. If FIL didn't make me feel uneasy I'd let her go but I just feel I've got to keep her supervised.

He's generally a man who likes a bit of 'shock entertainment value' and maybe that's why he's said some horrid things but it's just put me right off him, especially where the safety of my child is concerned.