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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Too old to be here?

27 replies

makemineamerlot · 17/02/2012 09:00

Is there some sort of cutoff point for older MNers? I am probably older than anyone else on here (feel about 200) and probably belong on Gransnet. The trouble is, today there are only 90 posts on the whole Relationship forum on GN while there are 60 on Gardening and hundreds on hobbies, health etc.
Does this mean that by the time one graduates to GN all the relationship problems have melted away or is it just that they have given up fretting about their DH, DP or whoever?
Perhaps it's just me who hasn't managed to sort out their life by now.

OP posts:
ohdearwhatdoidonow · 17/02/2012 09:10

Age is just a number - just be where you want to be, the internet police won't come and arrest you for it!

x

Lemonylemon · 17/02/2012 09:15

Weeelllll......... Depends on how old you are Wink

No age limit for sorting your life out Grin

BelleDameSansMerci · 17/02/2012 09:17

Hmmm... My mum likes GN because it's funny and friendly and not too serious. I think she'd come on here if she wanted relationship advice (if she'd even admit she needed any).

I'm the same age as some of the "Grans" myself - I'm 46. FWIW, I'm in the middle of much relationship drama - I don't think it's age related!

noluck · 17/02/2012 09:19

Hello, don't worry, I'm 57 and this forum has been my life saver at times. I was just about to throw in the sponge and say :"well I'm too old now anyway" and I have received alot of support here, even if sometimes it was just reading other people's threads. I had NO idea that I was not the only one living like I was.
I've more or less sorted my life out and am now allowing myself to enjoy it and to learn to love myself more.
Hugs from an older one :)

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 17/02/2012 09:39

Don't be a doofus. You're a mum till you die. You don't stop having issues around being a mum just because you hit 60!

That's what makes MN so great...it's full of posters from such a wide range of backgrounds, experiences and viewpoints.

maras2 · 17/02/2012 10:39

I'm 59 and love Mumsnet.I've certainly learned a thing or 2 over the past 2years.I also post on Gransnet,it's slightly less challenging but none the worse for that.

piratecat · 17/02/2012 10:42

yep if you are a mum, you're always a mum.

Kewcumber · 17/02/2012 10:46

Don't you just post where you enjoy it most? I started posting before I had children and expect to be here after they've left! but if I enjoy Gransnet I wouldn't have a problem posting there before being a grandmother.

Kewcumber · 17/02/2012 10:47

(47 here)

canuck43 · 17/02/2012 12:27

Like maras2 I LOVE MUMSNET and I am VERY OLD. If only it had been around 35yrs ago when I was going through a shite divorce could have done with some of the very good advice I read on here. Keep up the good work ladies.

Original poster
makemineamerlot · 17/02/2012 12:34

Thanks everyone. I think I've become isolated in recent years - live in a village, no job etc. Am going to hold up my hand and say I am (holds breath)...61.
Am facing the prospect of divorce and am terrified at the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life. I have had a difficult time over the years and don't recognise myself from the young woman I once was.
I have no family apart from my grown-up DS and no job. I am not really a joiner by nature so find it hard to make friends, of which I only have two who both live miles away. I think I am becoming very lonely and isolated.
Practical issues aside (I can manage those),wondering whether is it better just to hunker down and wait for the years to pass.
Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
DonnaDoon · 17/02/2012 12:58

Bless, you sound lovely, I m sorry that you are going through a divorce and I definately dont think you should wait for the years to pass...You could be about to start what could be a brand new exciting chapter in your life.

oldwomaninashoe · 17/02/2012 13:08

I think that you are just going to grab the bull by the horns grit your teeth, and become a "joiner".
There are a lot of organisations out there that "need" people like yourself. Get onto the net and look up volunteering in your local area for a start. You have no current "ties" as such, and you've probably got a wealth of experience to offer.
Become a new "you".
Don't "hunker down" the world is your oyster now, enjoy it!

kodachrome · 17/02/2012 13:10

God no, don't hunker down - it's got to be scary, but you can make a new life for yourself still. There's no reason you need to sink into loneliness.

What about moving to be nearer your son or friends? Start volunteering somewhere? Travel?

Kewcumber · 17/02/2012 13:40

"makemineamerlot" you're not my mother are you Oh no hang on, that was her 12 years ago.

She had a bitter divorce after 35 years when my father left, also not a joiner. But she learnt to play bridge at a local authority course, joined a (green) bowling club, joined a gym etc. It didn't all stick but it got her through the early days and some of it did stick and she still has friends she made and still plays bridge.

Its hard but she is very happily living in a nice flat and doing exactly what she wants to do. Mind you it probably took her a couple of years to work out exactly what she did want to do.

Kewcumber · 17/02/2012 13:42

my mum did move to be closer to me and my sister - you should certainly consider it when the dust of your divorce has settled - or closer to your friends or just somewhere more accessible for you.

Get a local authority adult education catalogue and start owrking your way through it! Also voluntary work - my mum worked/worked (in admin support so nothing that requires any great training) for CAB and Diabetes UK local society.

gotolder · 17/02/2012 14:10

makemine you are still a 'baby' compared to me and I prefer to be here than gransnet. I don't post often, but I 'lurk' a lot and have been fascinated by the differences in child rearing attitudes that I have discovered.

There are also a lot more laughs on Chat than anywhere on Gransnet.

I just wish that posts were read a bit more carefully sometimes, as the most 'judgy' responses seem to come from responders who have interpreted a post rather than read it.

As to your impending divorce, the first thing that I found helpful was to listen
to myself and take everything VERY slowly. Other people's advice isn't always right for oneselfSmile

Original poster
makemineamerlot · 17/02/2012 14:33

Donna - 'lovely'?? You've made my day - I wish it were true.
Kew - I could be your mum in disguise.
Goto - thank you for your wise words - you are so right.
And thanks to everyone for all the tips.

OP posts:
ChitChatFlyingby · 17/02/2012 14:59

Oh Merlot - all of those problems aren't there just because of your age!!!

Anyone can find themselves in that situation at any age.

Becoming a 'joiner' is hard - but maybe find somewhere where joining isn't so regimented? Maybe not somewhere you have to be every Monday or go to every activity, and definitely something that is fun.

If you knit, a knit and natter group; if you garden, a communal garden project; if you're keen on a bit more fun, try some indoor rockclimbing, or wine tasting course (which might just suit given your name!!) or even a skydiving course! Who cares how old you are, it depends on how fit you are - or can become!

RickOShea · 17/02/2012 15:05

My mum joined the local hospice after my dad died. It's all volunteer work but she enjoys it and it's for a good cause. Is there anything like that near you?

As for MN itself, it's a hoot. If you get bored, pop into one of the feminist jihad threads and tell them a woman's place is in the home. Then put your tin hat on
:0

fiventhree · 17/02/2012 15:15

51 here.

You are way too young to just give up.

My neighbours are 90, and only stay well because they are off everywhere. I often get a call from them re looking after their garden, as they are off for a few unplanned days to 'grab a look at the sea', 2 hours away by car.

fiventhree · 17/02/2012 15:17

Oh, and when a miserable neighbour complained about my one and only noisy evening , when I held a 50th birthday party in my garden, the 90 yr olds were most sympathetic to me, saying darkly that some people just don't know how to enjoy themselves and should get out more!

Original poster
makemineamerlot · 17/02/2012 15:25

More great ideas and I am going to give self a proverbial kick up the bum and get going. Fancy the indoor climbing thing.
Rick - I volunteer at our local hospice. Do you have a death wish or something? Just followed your joust with the 'feminist jihad' on another thread. U are living dangerously. Why aren't you at work like a proper man?

OP posts:
RickOShea · 17/02/2012 15:25

90 year olds make brilliant neighbours - they can't here a f*ing thing! I hope mine lasts another 20 years :)

RickOShea · 17/02/2012 15:28

Makemine - I am at work! I wouldn't waste my own precious time on here - to much beer-swilling and ignoring my kids to do!