Lack of sex ruining relationship

[MySonMyWorld]

Me and DP have been together 9 years Ds is 6, basically in the last 6 years we have only had sex once or twice a year, he has always made a variety of different excuse as to why he doesn't want to. I feel really really down about this I have very little confidence now as I feel he doesn't find me attractive which he always denies, I have tried everything to get him interested but nothing works it's tearing my relationship apart I convince myself that he finds me disgusting and no longer wannts to be with me and start being really horrible and angry towards him and I no longer know what to do. Every so long I get my self so upset I break down and I tell him how I feel he denies that's how he feels/ makes excuse ect then for a day or 2 is really loving and we have sex then it's back to the same again for another 6 months or a year. Please help sorry for going on x

That's ok, but you do need to do some serious talking.
Or write to each other, even if it's just text messages. The biggest issue is lack of communication.

Good luck with it all x

You poor thing! I don't think enforced celebacy is at all fair, if he refuses to get help (medical or psychological) and this is not a temporary problem causes by illness/stress etc then I think you should to him openly about having your needs met elsewhere. i know I would.

I think you may have to choose between enforced celibacy and dumping him TBH. He is demonstrating very clearly that he's actually not bothered that you are miserable, or at least not sufficiently bothered to consider your feelings as being as important as his own.

OP, fairly soon some tosser is going to appear on this thread and try and turn it into a 'Waa, why are women always right and men always wrong, women who don't want sex are told their partners are dirty beasts etc' bunfight. Ignore them. In many cases of libido mismatch, the high-libido partner is behaving selfishly by insisting on sex while doing nothing the other partner asks for; in other cases, the low-libido partner expects the other to accept celibacy and will not address the issue at all. It's clear that you have tried to meet your H halfway and that he is the one being selfish in your situation. Best of luck with resolving things.

Its not temporary as it has been 6 years and I don't think it's medical as when we do have sex there are no problems or anything, I just feel as though I really resent him now and am frightened I will end up doing something I will regret. I have tried everything but just can't get through to him that this is making me so unhappy.

MSMW: It's not about getting him to realise that you are unhappy. He knows. But he considers his feelings more important than yours and reckons that if he makes the odd vague gesture or promise then normal domestic service will continue and he can just tune out your complaints.

I think you are perfectly entitled to seek sex elsewhere in these circumstances. By all means tell him that's what you're going to do unless he agrees to counselling and at the very least acknowledging that there is a problem between you that he can't just ignore in the hope that you will shut up eventually.

Thank you all for understanding it's not as if I want to have sex constantly and I don't think it's unreasonable to want it more that once or twice a year. I just love him so much but I just don't think he feels the same, I have been at the point of leaving but don't want to go through all that and put my Ds through that only for this reason because our relationship is great otherwise well I feel it is he obviously doesn't.

OP, he is acting like a twat to ignore your feelings. Tell him that you are both going to counselling, no argument. He may be able to dance around the subject to your face, but a third party should be able to bring out the truth. If he wont go, tell him not to let the door hit his arse on the way out.

YANBU, he is

Rickoshea I will say that to him and use your exact words

I am in the same position and feeling very down about things with my DP. We have no children yet and he says he wants to be with me forever,but sex is rare! I have a much higher sex drive than him and really feel that I need sex to feel close to him. I love him very much but after a few weeks without sex and intimacy i begin to see him as a friend and feel angry towards him. And worse want to go out and jump on someone else- which i would never do. I am only 23 and very frustrated.

Jenda it's very difficult isn't it? How long have you been together?

3 years. I feel awful complaining about him because i really do love him but the sex, or lack of, has a huge affect. Sometimes it can completely put me off him and i think we are only together because I couldn't put him through the hurt of breaking up with him, then other times I couldn't be without him! I am trying to lose weight at the moment so am hoping if he starts getting fitter too, his libido will increase, hmmm

I'm in the same situation. Sex is getting less and less frequent as time goes on. I actually look forward to him being out the out so I can relieve my tension.

Porn/ religion not applicable.

He does have some other signs of mild depression so I think it's related to that but he won't consider anti depressants or anything.

He was brought up by a single mum so never witnessed a sexual relationship.

Jenda - get out, seriously.

A sexless relationship at 23 with no children?

You absolutely should look elsewhere.