Logged 'incident' with the police today re threatening H

[Cantthinkifanothernamechange]

Separated since start of the year, told H on Tuesday (bad timing, but he pushed it) that we're not getting back together and I want a divorce.

He's taken it badly to say the least. He's been vile, on and off, since I left and the abuse I got in a phone call last night made me a bit nervous.

I thought about the advice I've seen on here to other posters and I called the police to log it. Really nice officer came out to see me this afternoon and went through the DV risk assessment form. The questions asked really brought it home to me what a twat I've been married to. I understand that the intent is to see if previous behaviour flags up potential to harm me and it's actually brought it home to me exactly how potentially dangerous he could be. I can't believe it's taken me so long to realise this.

I assume that other posters will know what sort of questions I'm talking about.
I've been totally honest about his behaviour and I'm reassured that they will remove him with no problem if he turns up here.

Well done. :)

Do take care. Do not let yourself get drawn into arguments.

Limit contact to a minimum (or nothing). Preferably in writing. So that if he gets abusive you have proof.
Seek legal advice, tell people you trust, if you haven't, etc.

I hope all goes well.

Well done for reporting. Try not to blame yourself for having married an asshat, they are always good at hiding what they are in the beginning and it always starts slowly and subtly. But now you've seen through him, you are rid of him, and you are taking all the right steps to protect yourself.
Best of luck.

You've done the best thing. Well done.

Good for you OP. You're talking about the DASH form, which I agree has a way of making you see an abuser's behaviour in a way you've never seen before. It's a brilliant piece of bureaucracy on the part of the police - the positive action policy has been really, really revolutionary IMO and hopefully heralds the start of a new attitude towards DV though I accept it may take many more years yet before a wholesale cultural shift is achieved.

On your part, the fact that you've taken a step back and you're starting to see your H's behaviour for what it is, is a clear sign that you're already starting to recover and re-establish your identity and boundaries you're comfortable with. That's great.

The good thing about a paper-trail record of your H's twatty behaviour is that should you need to protect either yourself or your DC in the future, you will have the weight of evidence over time to back you up, whereas keeping a lid on things often leaves women looking like they've made the whole thing up even when they haven't.

You've been really brave and I wish you every happiness and success in your new life away from your abuser.

Thanks for your positive comments.

I think through the course of our relationship, I minimised the behaviour because it wasn't directly aimed at me iykwim. He's a shouter/threatener and broke stuff rather than was directly violent to me. He's got form elsewhere though.

The pattern, going through the form, of answering, yes, yes, yes really spelled out that he is not normal.

I thought it was prudent to be prepared, just in case he does turn up at my house to cause trouble, I just wanted to make sure that the police would take a 999 call seriously, if it got to that, because he can be so persuasively nice when he wants.

The officer handled it excellently and was very professional about it. Saying that, I do live in an area that's had some criticism for handling of some DV cases, at least one which ended in a murder, so I'm not entirely surprised that they'd be all over potential DV reports at the moment. :(.

I think I just wanted to post this because it's a positive 1st hand experience of the police taking safety concerns seriously and offering protection. Please, anyone else in this position, call them, they're on your side.

Hey there, good morning - shouting IS aimed at you, it is done in your presence to show you what he is capable of..... Well done for reporting.

Well done, and thanks for posting this

It will be of benefit to the lurkers, of that I am sure

Well done OP. I had 15 years of it before I had the guts to make a stand. Filling out those forms was heart breaking - I couldn't believen how dysfunctional things actually were.
Heres to a brighter future for you