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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would these pictures bother you?

24 replies

BeBotheredorNot · 16/02/2012 20:26

Name changed.

I was going through DH's phone as I wanted to copy a picture of the DCs that he has to my phone. I was scrolling through his photos to try and find it but instead I came across many many photos of an actress in various nude poses (the are faked ones). The titles were all "fakespicsof..." etc but there was so many of them. I only got through about 20-30 photos before I gave up trying to find the one I wanted. They were in between the normal photos of the DCs but I don't understand why he needs so many photos like this saved to his phone.

Porn doesn't bother me. I know he watches it and I really am not bothered by it. This just seems a bit odd though, or am I reading too much into it?

He doesn't know I've seen these photos.

OP posts:
oldqueenie · 16/02/2012 20:30

so if porn "doesn't bother" you why does this bother you? don't really understand what you're saying here... but then porn does bother me....

BeBotheredorNot · 16/02/2012 20:32

I don't know, its like when he watches porn, its watched then done, but I feel a bit - uneasy? about him having loads and loads of pictures saved on his phone like that. I know it doesn't seem to make sense, it doesn't really to me but it just bothers me.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 16/02/2012 20:38

But it's a picture of a naked woman, and porn is pictures of naked women, and you don't mind him looking at porn Confused. Why don't you ask him why he keeps it on his phone if that's what bothers you.

kodachrome · 16/02/2012 20:38

I think it's a bit odd to save lots of fake pictures of a nude actress.

Maybe some of what bothers you about it is that you were looking for pictures of the dc and this was all mixed up with it? I'm not saying anything sinister about your dh (I hasten to add), just that there you were thinking about family stuff and you ended up wading through all his masturbatory aid pics instead.

BeBotheredorNot · 16/02/2012 20:40

I can see what you mean koda but thats definitely not it. Ok I wasn't expecting to find anything other than pictures of the DCs but it doesn't bother me in that sense, just why there are so many of them and all saved to his phone. He doesn't save porn he looks at.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 16/02/2012 20:40

Who is the actress? Is it her face on a fake body? That's nasty.

Bogeyface · 16/02/2012 20:40

Its the fact that it is the same person over and over that would bother me.

BeBotheredorNot · 16/02/2012 20:42

Don't want to say too much about it. It is her face on a fake body. I don't get why thats a turn on tbh. Its not the real person.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 16/02/2012 20:45

I don't think men consider the 'real person' when they look at porn.

Why would that make a difference to you anyway, whether it was a stranger or a fake photo of an actress.

BeBotheredorNot · 16/02/2012 20:46

I don't know, I guess its just because there are loads saved to his phone.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 16/02/2012 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeBotheredorNot · 16/02/2012 20:49

Thats a good point Natasha! He sometimes lets DS play a game on his phone, and it is easy to unlock, DS has done it before to DH's phone and mine. I didn't even think of that!

OP posts:
kodachrome · 16/02/2012 20:49

Well, it sounds a tad obsessive really - loads and loads of the same face & mismatched bodies.

It is odd.

Or at least I don't get it either. And would find it unsettling.

Fairenuff · 16/02/2012 20:49

It would bother me, but then my dh knows my feelings about porn.

If your dh thinks you don't mind him looking at naked women then he's not going to think twice about accessing it on his phone. I do agree that he needs to make sure there is no way the dcs can see it though.

ElevenEleven · 16/02/2012 21:31

I'm fine with naked celeb pics (even fake ones) and porn tbh but finding semi naked pics of DP's female facebook friends on his phone..now that was a matter that definitely needed addressing. He honestly didn't see what the difference was or why I was making something of it. I told him it crossed a line I wasn't comfortable with. Celebs/porn stars, they're fantasy because they're unobtainable but the fb girls were people he actually knew in rl and that was why it bothered me. So I guess technically I agree with Fairenuff, if he thinks you're ok with him looking at naked women then he'll think you're ok with ALL naked women.

karmathreefold · 16/02/2012 22:00

I think I would find it odd too.

I think the difference between porn & this, is that porn is 'faceless' in a way, men aren't fantasising about a particular woman when watching porn, but in this case the man has taken it away from a 'faceless' porn actress, and has a particular focus for his lust.

I guess it's no different from women having crushes on male celebs, but then most women probably wouldn't have photos of their crushes - fake nude or otherwise - on their phones

Pornyissue · 17/02/2012 00:04

Op it only matters what you think.

Your not comfortable. So you either decide to never give the issue another thought or you decide to tell your dh what you have found and how you feel and see what the next steps are from there

AnyFucker · 17/02/2012 12:15

If I only had a pound for every woman that came on here to say "I am fine with porn, but ...."

< sigh >

CuriousMama · 17/02/2012 12:22

AF I agree. I don't think they really are fine with it tbh?

Op sounds very weird to me. I'd have to confront him but no doubt he'll worm his way out of it 'oh so and so sent them for a laugh' sort of thing. Hmm

ChickensHaveNoLips · 17/02/2012 12:27

I would rip the piss out of DH if I found this on his phone. I'd possibly superimpose David Cameron's head on the pics or something. But I can't imagine him doing it. Are you going to ask him about it?

TooEasilyTempted · 17/02/2012 12:35

The pictures obviously bother you or else you wouldn't have posted.

I can't work out though whether you're bothered that he looks at that type of picture at all, or the fact that they're saved to his phone, or the fact that there's so many of them?

I'd ask him about them, or even just to watch him squirm see what he says Grin.

HipHopOpotomus · 17/02/2012 12:41

Yes they would, but then so would the porn. Mostly I'd be bothered because it would be completely out of character for DP to do that.

But as you're not bothered about him watching porn why are you bothered about these pictures? It seems to me to sit hand in hand.

DharmaCeutical · 17/02/2012 12:45

I'd think it was rather sad and he'd go down in my estimation somewhat. I'd also be worried about the 'obsessive' angle of the pictures just being of one person.

seeker · 17/02/2012 12:52

Deal breaker. Unless there is a bloody good explanation- which I can't think of.

Why do women think it's ok for their men to watch porn? Honestly, it's not something men have to do. And it's not victimless.

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