Parents choose dogs over me!

[CrazyCatLady13]

I know how small this problem is compared to some that I've seen on here - but this is driving me crazy!

I love my parents - they haven't always been approachable, and I wouldn't go to them with a problem unless I really had to (I pretty much raised myself from the age of 5) but they have two dogs and won't leave them along for even 10 minutes!

I was seriously ill in hospital and mum said she couldn't come and see me unless she could arrange a dogsitter!

Despite living half an hour away, they haven't visited me in a year because they can't bring the dogs (I have cats!) Then when I don't visit for a few weeks my mum says 'we haven't seen you for a while!'

It's really causing me stress, and I don't know what do to. I've tried talking to them about it, but they just say that the dogs get too distressed to be left alone.

Please, does anyone have any suggestions??!

Seriously? I like some dogs but that much? Bonkers? What reason(s) do they give as to why they cannot leave their doggy babies?

I know people like this. IMO some people just don't know how to relate to other people. It sounds like your parents might be like this, given that they are quite distant from you. Sometimes they latch onto animals and become quite dependent on them. They use them as an excuse not to engage with people, especially people they should be close to. It sounds to me like the dogs give your parents exactly what they need - unconditional love without any hassle - and they'd much rather pander to them than to face the real world where their child gets sick and needs attention. You need to decide what you want to do, as I doubt they're going to change. Either you accept that they're not really that interested in you and they use the dog as an excuse and just cut them off, or you put all the effort in and go to see them.

My mother is like this. My dad used to say that we would be alright if we all had 4 feet instead of 2....

I do go on the stately home thread, so I do have er, issues with my mother, but this sort of thing doesn't surprise me and has got worse with age. (hers, I might add..)

I'm not sure there's much you can do except try and detach from it further. You sound like you have had to over the years.

Are they generally ok, or is this just another example of their lack of interest in their own daughter?

They haven't left the dogs along since they (the dogs I mean) were about 3 months old - they're now 10!

They're good at inviting me over. Mum is very self absorbed, she can go on for hours about her health problems (nothing too serious) and in great detail about every ache and pain. If you start to tell her about your problem, she twists it to be about her again. I'd say she cares more about her own problems than anyone else's.

I'm closer to Dad, but he's on the same page about Mum about the dogs!

Their reason for not leaving them is that they 'sulk' when my parents get back. FFS, they haven't been left alone in almost ten years, of course they'll sulk!

I've tried to get them to leave them for 5 minutes, then 10 etc etc, but they won't do it.

You can't change them. You can't make your mum care about you. It's not going to happen.

You can grieve for the mum you don't have (you're allowed to feel sad about it!).

And you can change how you react to them. You don't have to visit them any more frequently than you want to. You could try the line "no, actually I don't want to leave my cats alone at the moment" if you like.

Thanks Bertha, I really like the idea of saying 'I don't want to leave my cats alone at the moment'!!!

Thank you all for your replies xx