Really struggling with the fact that my mum keeps ...

[misty0]

... comparing aspects of my upcoming wedding to my first - as if its just some kind of repeat of a prom do! GrrrrrrrRRRRRR.

My first mariage ended 4 years ago, acrimoniously. I was quite unhappily married to ex for alot of years and the split was painfull and messy. We hadnt had a sexual relationship for nearly two years before I walked out. We were married for 15 years, mum liked ex very much and didnt support my decision at all. In fact she still chats on about ex as if we're still married, or best mates or something My ex and i are not on particulally good terms and she knows this.

I was barely out of my teens when i got married before, was very naive and clueless and allowed my mum to run the show. I dont look back on that day fondly.

I'm due to marry my new man in a few weeks and in short i'm just sick of all the weird, tactless coments she keeps coming out with at the mo ...

Today - "Oooh you wore similar shoes to that last time didnt you - is there a patern forming here?, ha ha ha" Er, no mum, they were a different colour and were shoes not sandals.
Recently - "Oooh same sort of cake as last time i see" Nope - not at all the same in fact.
"Oh we didn't do that much food last time did we" No, WE didnt ... this is NOW not last bloody time.
"Oh your dress looked soooooo good last time - is it going to be similar to that?" Grrrr.
"WE'RE not having videos of the do are we? We didnt do it last time. I cant stand all that sort of thing" Aaaaarrrgggghhh.

WHY does she do it??

I'm so fed up with bitting my tongue. I'm a grown woman, but she makes me feel like a stropy teenager!

Sorry, i know this is trivial in the light of some of the awful things some people are going through here right now. I lurk here alot and feel like i needed a rant and a few words of wisdom.

Have you tried telling her to quit it? Would she blow up at you or turn on the tears if you did?

She doesn't sound particularly supportive in general. Could you keep her at arm's length more?

I sympathise. My mum is just like this. I've found the only way to deal with her is to keep her at arms length. If I don't tell her much she can't criticise what I'm doing.

Sorry i posted and disappeared last night. i.connection went down.

Yes, you are both right of course. Keeping her at arms length is a good idea, and i do try to do just that.

Its such a shame. We've all only got one mum and i've been trying to enjoy chatting about all the arrangements for dresses etc. with her - it should be fun - but she keeps on doing this.

If i make an attempt to bring this up or pull her up on it she will most likely pretend she doesnt know what i'm talking about at the time and then use it further down the line in a 'poor me, i can never do right' sort of way.

She's getting on in years now so i'm trying to put it down to that. It helps a bit. I hope when i grow old i dont blithely trample rough shod over peoples feelings like this.

Thank you bran, i like the idea of a few moments silence filled with a bit of positive thinking.

In the long run that will be better for me than challenging her i think. Down that path lies just more stress.

Sigh. Parents!

I agree with the other posters. I have a mum who can be quite nasty and it is fair to say has lots of put downs. For example after having dinner "why aren't you eating anymore?" I reply "not hungry" to which I get the response of "oh well you are so fat you must be eating loads of crap, and none of your clothes look good because of your size". Have lost over a stone since CHristmas! Sometimes I completely ignore her other to es I have a quick answer back and finally when it all gets too much I tell her how much she hurts me.