So, i've given him notice and he's still gonna moan about it

[nutcracker]

Loads of you know that dp has a problem with me going out.

We had a huge row at new year about it, and his main reasons were that he was worried for my safety, and that I don't give him enough notice.

Anyway, i decided to test that and have half arranged to go out with a friend a week on friday, i'm just waiting for her to check her shifts and get back to me.

I have told dp, so thats over a weeks notice, and he is still moaning, surprise surprise.

I think we all know this isn't about notice/safety it's about control, surely?

Yep, i just wish he could see that instead of pretending it is about other things.

I so hope my friend can manage to go, cos I need to do this to prove that it doesn't matter what he says about it.

Have you arranged a sitter? in case he decides something really important is going to happen and he can't come home. My friend's dp does that.

even if she can't just keep quiet, and go to the movies on your own

Nope no sitter, hadn't thought of that. He wouldn't actually go out anyway, cos he doesn't go out.

I'd feel like a right sad case if I had to go out on my own.

He's not worried about your safety or notice, you said yourself he never goes out. He's just worried you might have some fun, and become more independent of him. I hope you have a great time. Make sure you get back 2 hours later than you promised.

Wasn't planning on giving him a time i'd be home to start with

Am just not looking forward to the inevitable row, and sulking from him.

nutty i went to movie on my own the other week, it was lovely, i had noodles, copy of heat magazine beforehand, then ice cream during crap film

Good for you, i don't have the nerve though.

Plus it's going out and getting a bit peed that I really fancy doing.

I had one of those nutty, you just have to keep on doing your thing. The rows and the sulking were worth it for the fun i had. Also it shows you are in charge of yourself.

Oh yes it will be worth it, cos I always enjoy it once i'm out.

Fingers crossed my friend isn't doing a late shift then.

He might try it though, if he realises that oaning at you hasn't worked and you really are going out...

I would arrange a sitter, without telling him, to be on standby, then if he rings you after he finished work and says

"Oh dear, traffic, really bad blah blah, won't be home until 10pm... what a pity, you can go next week love..."

You can say brightly "Never mind dear, so and so will have the kids, I'm going to go anyway, isn't that lucky that I asked her last week in case this happened? What a coincidence...."

colditz has a good point nutty

if you really want to go out make sure there is nothing he can do to mess it up

You say you don't have the nerve to go out on your own but I'm sure if you tried it you would feel different. Before I met my DP 18 months ago I was on my own for 5 months (lived with mum and dad temporarily). I went on holiday on my own twice and went out a few times whilst away to the pub/club. I would have said the same as you but after I'd done it once it was fine. Not saying you should make a habit of it if you don't want to but if I were you I'd go anyway on this occasion even if your friend can't make it. If you don't, next time you want to go out he might be awkward about it "because he thought it would be cancelled again"

He really is being a complete ar*e over this. Does he ever go out?

Even if it falls through with your friend nutty, just go out, even if its to macdonalds for a coffee, or linger rounds someones house for a coffee, anything so you have followed through...lol
You have to , or when it really is the night you really do go out the shit will hit the fan big time because he will be hoping it will be cancelled/not happen like the other times.

nutcracker where are you? if your friend cant make it then maybe arrange a quickie meetup

Nope he never goes out, says he doesn't want to unless it is with me.

The minute I told him, his face changed and was like 'oh great', and now he is moaning cos I am looking on ebay for a top.

If my friend can't make it next friday then i can see if she can go this friday, although that really wouldn't be much notice.

I am in sutton coldfield by the way.

Nutty

Your DP has a problem with everything relating to your life outside the home. He comes down hard on you for everything. His idea of happiness is to heep you a prisoner in your own home without any access to a life outside. He will try and isolate you in any way he can from family and friends.

The item of clothing and his response to same are yet another example of his controlling and insecure ways.

He is so bad for you - he will ultimately destroy any remnants of self esteem or worth you have left. Then you really will be up a creek without a paddle.

I would seriously get support for yourself from family and friends and make definative plans to leave him.

However, the decision is ultimately yours. What do you want?. You want him to change? - he has told you he has no problem.

This man of yours is controlling. Period. If you ultimately choose to stay what are you teaching any children you have?. That;s its okay for Mummy to be a prisoner in her own home and not have a life of her own?. This is the legacy you may pass on to them and they could eventually go on to act out controlling behaviours themselves.