new counselling ...bit scared. (mum issue)

[NewYearsDaysie]

Been having CBT for low self esteem and PND and its come to light I have issues with my mum. Don't get me wrong, I love her but feel like I've been trying to live ip to her expectations since I was tiny (mostly to do with men and the way I look) she also doesn't really believe in depression. Anyway mt counsellor has said that she's going to refer me to another counsellor to discuss my relationship with my mother. I've agreed as feel like it might help me with my depression and my weight issues. I'm just a tad worried I light have to tell my mum. Really can't handle the consequences if I have to do that. Slightly worried.

Why would you have to tell your Mum? Especially in the early stages of this new councelling.

You are your own person - you are entitled to your privacy. Say the 2nd councelling arrangement is simply to support the 1st. Or dont mention it at all.

Good luck, and i hope your councelling gives you what you need

Why should you have to tell her anything? It's none of her business!

It sounds like a good idea though.

NYD

No, don't mention this at all to your mother under any circumstances. It is okay not to seek her approval.

Your mother for what its worth sounds like an overtly critical and toxic parent who has put her own needs and wants way before yours. She failed you utterly. BTW you did not make her this way; her own birth family likely did that to her.

Many children now adults of such toxic parenting often have FOG - fear, obligation, guilt. Am glad you are being referred to another counsellor because I would put a crisp fiver on it that your mother is the root cause of all your problems.

On a wider level you may want to look at and or post on the "Stately Homes" thread on these pages.

Thanks. I'll calm down now. Don't know why I'm panicking. Just feel like I'm letting myself down having to have even more counselling.

You're not letting yourself down at all.

Doing counselling and facing your problems is brave.

Perhaps if your mother on the other hand had been courageous enough to address her own issues you wouldn't feel the way you do!

Letting yourself down??

The counselling is a gift you are giving to yourself.

Me time.You deserve it.

It doesnt mean you are not coping. You are allowed to explore yourself and your own feelings, in order to make yourself feel better. No other reason.

Tell who you want, and what you want. No counsellor is going to set rules like that or expect you to take on what you cannot.