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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lonely and depressed

8 replies

Tamara80 · 14/02/2012 22:51

This is the first time I've used one of these chat sites. I usually deal with things by myself and get through each day on my own.
I have been in a relationship for 8 years. I have never been able to pinpoint the problem until recently. Basically, my partner and I have not got on since my first was born 5 years ago. He always try's to control me, he speaks to me like a child, whatever I say or do it's wrong. Sometimes he upsets me so much, the way he talks to me I sob and he tells me to stop being so sensitive and I should be on antidepressants. When I'm trying to watch tv he pesters me for attention. I can't carry on anymore. I never know what mood he is going to be in as somedays he comes home and completely ignores me without any reason whatsoever. This happens on a regular basis, although there are days when he can be really nice to me, usually because he wants something. I recently looked for relationship advice and came across emotional abuse, I sent him a link via email, he now has not spoke to me for 5 days. I feel so down and lonely. I have told him many times how unhappy I am and I want out of the relationship but he threatens to take my children, I'm trapped. I don't work and he does, I can't afford to find somewhere else to live even if I wanted to. I dread him walking through the door and feel very anxious when he is around. I really don't know what to do?

OP posts:
WetAugust · 14/02/2012 23:07

I want out of the relationship but he threatens to take my children

He can't do that.

You may feel trapped but you really don't need to stay with someone who abuses you.

You can get out of this relationship.

Heyyyho · 14/02/2012 23:26

You can do this, you really can. There will be many wise women on here soon, be strong. You will feel a weight has been lifted.

Tamara80 · 14/02/2012 23:34

Thankyou, i am just so scared of doing it all on my own. I have no confidence anymore. He has got really nasty before and told me there's no way I'll ever take his kids away from him. They will ne so upset to, they adore their dad. Maybe I should just go, thinking about it, maybe I'm the problem. They'd probably all be happy without me.

OP posts:
21YrOldMan · 14/02/2012 23:44

"They all adore their dad"- or maybe they've spotted that daddy can be nasty to mummy with no reason whatsoever so put it on so they don't get screwed over by him as well? Children are much more receptive than you think, and will almost certainly have noticed.

You're not the problem. Leaving your children with him will be a severe mistake, as they're going to get it as soon as you're gone. If he's abusive and threatening (emotionally or otherwise) then that's a great way for him to ensure he doesn't get access to them.

WetAugust · 14/02/2012 23:47

Don't be silly - you can't go and leave your children with him. Your children need YOU -their Mum.

You need to plan how to get out. Is there anywhere you can go with the children? Could you save some money from your job and get a deposit on a rented place?

And doing it on your own may seem scary but it's a whole lot better than staying with someone who has no respect for you at all and letting your children see just how badly he treats you.

You deserve better than that.

Tamara80 · 14/02/2012 23:53

I don't work, my youngest is 2. My name has been on the local housing list for years and I have been told I will be selected by end of this year so may have to hold on til then.

OP posts:
Tamara80 · 14/02/2012 23:56

The funny thing is.... If either of you met him you'd think he was the kindest man you've ever met. He is so kind hearted to other women but completely dis-respects me.

OP posts:
21YrOldMan · 15/02/2012 09:04

Unfortunately you're not living with the facade he puts on to look good in public, you're living with the real him, which isn't so nice.

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