Anyone else ended a long marriage .... ??

[Lynnlost]

Please, would anyone who's been in this position be prepared to share their thoughts and advice with me?

I'm in the process of ending my 32 year marriage - the reasons have alll been posted already. I'm unhappy about this, but no longer have any choice - my OH isn't going to change and frankly I've been a pathetic idiot for staying so long, as the great advice I've received so far has helped me to realise

Trouble is, after all these years I'm terrified of the future on my own; most of my confidence has been messed up by him, though I'll get it back one day - I've got to. Our friends have always been mutual ones and I don't have family to rely on, so I'm very much on my own in this - which is probably what's kept me here so long

I just wondered if anyone out there who's been in a similar position could share how they got on? How did you cope with finding somewhere else to live? How did you start to make friends of your own again? How long did it take to feel genuinely comfortable alone? ... and so on? I don't need to re-think my decison as I've almost got beyond that, but any tips for the future would be very welcome, from anyone who's "been there"!!! xxx

Slightly different angle....my OH walked out after 20 years of us being together.

Yes, it is tough - but keeping busy is the most important thing. I have joined groups and really put myself out there in the world.

My situation is not exactly the same as yours - I hope that some wise mumsnetters come along soon. I hope it will be OK...you are a brave lady.

Ended one just short of our 25th anniversary. My situation was probably somewhat different to yours as our DCs were mostly still dependent and most of them ended up with me, so loneliness was never a factor. Actually I quite value the times they're out, having my own house to myself for a change, though it's also lovely when they're all here. I have a very few very good friends who I originally met through work but we've stuck together through various devastating life experiences, and a brother and sister who both backed me to the hilt. I was also introduced to Mumsnet during the pre-divorce period and found it invaluable. And I have cats.

Finding somewhere to live was the fun bit. I didn't know at the time that I was going to lose my job so I was quite happy to go for a medium sized mortgage, the joys of hindsight eh! It was a bit like being a kid in a sweet shop, as I wasn't too fussy so was spoiled for choice really. I would have lived in a cardboard box as long as XH wasn't in it. I got all new furniture - budget quality but the point is it was mine. If it hadn't been for DCs I would have got a much smaller, cheaper place. Everything has its up and down sides.

There were money worries and emotional worries, the DCs suffered from torn loyalties at the time, and some friends picked sides and politely bowed out of my life (I didn't feel blamed, they just felt XH needed more support I think; he probably does, if the truth were told). But the important thing was not being with the arsehole any more. That achieved, everything else was just details. I'd say life is quite jolly these days (money worries still a factor though!).

Sometimes "Oh I'm sorry" when I say I'm divorced. I tell them not to be, as I worked hard for that divorce and I'm very proud of it.

Anything helpful for you in that self-indulgent ramble?

Sometimes people say "Oh I'm sorry", I meant to put, of course.

Your 'self-indulgent rambles' have always helped me, Annie. Don't put them down!

Putting myself down is what I do. Glad you're finding it useful though

Yes, Annie - and many thanks for that. The housing will be an issue for me, as I can no longer work due to severe depression; hopefully the split might even help with that too, but for now the money will obviously be a problem.
Unfortunately I don't have family to fall back on so I'll be doing this largely alone - still, better that I just do it, it can't be worse than life at the moment!!