No more children?

[Willow89]

Just had a discussion with dp about how he never wants anymore children we only have the one Ds at the moment. We are both generally happy and loves our Ds to pieces. This isn't the first time we have had this conversation he is now adamant that he will never ever have another child! He says Ds is enough for him and can't imagine loving another child the same. My heart is broken here as I love our little family but in my heart I know I want another child, we both ended up in tears at the end of the conversation. Obviously there is no compromise to this dilemma:( what do I do? Is it to hasty to end the relationship and split our family for my own selfishness:( do I just learn to live with this? God I'm so lost thought our future was mapped out.

I would say to give it time.

I remember really thinking about China's one child policy...what it really meant...no uncles or cousins, no nieces or nephews. For me, that would be hard as my life has been really enriched by my cousins and aunts/uncles. Honestly, my sibling is not the best. :o

Because of this, I've always said I wanted at least 3 (hopefully a mix of bio/adopted children) because I always wanted a sibling I could get along with and depend on.

There's certainly nothing wrong with having an only, and I know lots of happy onlies. :) But if you're not happy, that's hard. I would tell him that you will leave it for now but reopen the discussion when your DS is 2 or so, and revisit your and his reasons.

Thank you for all your helpful replies, however after I posted this dp has decided he wants to end things I am beyond devastated. It is partly over the having more children thing but he says he doesnt feel the same about me
Trying to be strong for dc but us hard, still living in the same house which is hard. Really hoping we can work things out

So sorry to hear that. Today will be the hardest, but things will get better with time. Good luck for your future.

If you want it to work out then you will have to accept that he doesn't want another child. It may be the pressure he has felt under that has driven him to this decision, it may be something else.

If it doesn't work out then maybe you can go on to have another child. However don't be surprised if he does the same. This can often happen and must be incredibly annoying.

I agreed on one when I didn't want any. I am now getting badgered to have another despite my DW accepting that one would be my compromise. I gave her the option to walk away before we had been going out for less than a month if having children was important to her. She chose not to. I eventually agreed to one and I don't want any more. I feel that she is now being unfair by constantly bringing this up. Who is right? I don't know....

I had a friend who stuck pins in condoms to have dc3 as dh was adamant he didn't want more! It worked and he never found out but I always thort sneaky thing to do.

Anyway give it time,16 months old is a challenging age and he may well change his mind later. Don't push it but let him no u want more kids and conversation will be resumed in future.

Why would you even think of splitting up?

What Hattie said. I always said no way that I'd have another. I was adamant and so was dh. Then Ds turned three, was becoming independent and not such hard work and we changed our minds. I amazed myself to be honest as I was sure that I didn't want another. However it's not proving easy as we've been ttc for nearly six months now and no luck so far.

If it were me in your position I'd chill out a bit, enjoy your ds and see what happens.

Sorry op, just seen your last post

Also missed it post, so sorry for u, why is he wanting to end things?

Oh Willow. I am sorry. Are you all right?

Oh!

Are you still reading OP? Are you OK?

What a shock I'm so sorry.

Yes I'm still reading still trying to get my head around it. I think in my op I wasn't very clear I didn't want to split our family over the no more children he did though. And that's what has happened he doesn't think that we want the same things so has decided to end it now to save hurt in the future apparently! I think he is being far to hasty we are a family and I think he should have given us more of a chance. This conversation about having more children has come up maybe 2-3 times so it's not like we were constantly arguing about it. I am still hoping we will work it out but I am not pressurising him and I am giving him his space. Still doesn't seem real when your world collapses around you within a couple of hours thanks for all your concern

Willow so sorry to hear this.

It does sound dramatic to split for thus reason. Is there a possibility there is more too it?

Both my DH and I were adamant we only wanted one...then when dd was 3 we had a little accident and we had ds...best thing that ever happened to us. We were scared about the impact having another child would have..but we talked it through and it all worked out and we can't imagine life without him.

Yes this does seem like an extreme reaction from him. What's happening now OP?

If it really is a choice between settling for only one child or splitting with him which would you pick?

It would be so sad if you split because of lack of communication though. Surely you can sit down together and work this out?