My husband is a therapist. He deals with fairly severe cases of depression and other mental health issues.
Background info. There is a history of his domestic violence against me. He was arrested once but denied it. My word against his. My son has recently become quite aggressive with me. An ongoing problem.
We are divorcing, his choice, and selling the house but we are still living in the house at the moment with our two teenagers. I have started several threads in the last few weeks. He ended our relationship at Christmas but assured me that there was no one else.
I have found evidence to the contrary. And the evidence proves without a doubt that it's with a client/former client. This is strictly forbidden. I confronted him about it. He denied it but asked me to jog his memory by showing him the evidence. I knew what would happen to it if I did so I have copied it and given copies to close friends until I decide what to do. He is a psychologist and incredibly good at appearing innocent. He is wily. He always used to say that he would never hurt me in such a way that there would be evidence.
For the first time in this increasingly twisted twenty year relationship, i actually have some solid evidence of yet another thing that he is denying. Essentially it's several sides of A4 paper with him weighing up various solutions such as: tell no one, admit it to his boss, discuss it with the BABCP which is his regulatory body or something or to continue the relationship (he sometimes refers to it as a friendship in this evidence) but make it non sexual for 2 years. I assume this two years refers to a period when a therapist cannot have a relationship with a client after treatment finishes. He considers drip feeding the information to his boss as another option.
I thought that he would admit what has happened. He hasn't. But this time I know. I thought that this would give me the space I need; it was bad enough finding out over Xmas that he no longer had feelings for me. And he didn't even leave for a few days to let the dust settle, instead he asked me to pretend that everything was normal, for the sake of the children. Which I did. I really thought, now that I know that he has started some sort of relationship, or thought about it, with a client that he should leave for a while. And he won't. It's so disrespectful. And it's actually wrong. He has crossed a line with someone.
Please do you have any words of wisdom? Really, he should lose his job. But do I want to be the person that makes that happen? I had intended to walk away from this marriage with a clear conscience. But would this just be revenge? Incidentally, this is what he told the police that it was when I had him arrested. He told everyone that and still maintains to everyone, including me, that that is what it was.
My other worry is that this could kick start his violence again. He hasn't laid a finger on me since he moved back in in August 2010 when we agreed to try again. Actually, when I agreed to try harder and he agreed to try to forgive me for his arrest(!)
He came back home at lunchtime today. He never does this. I thought that it was to explain to me about this woman. It wasn't. All he wanted was the paperwork that I had found (under his mattress). He accused me of stealing his property and asked to have it back. When I refused, he took my car keys. I only got the keys back because I said that he was frightening me, he was, and that I would have to call the police if he didn't let me leave in my car. Simultaneously, my sister phoned and I remained on the phone, with her listening, until I was safely in my locked car.
What a mess. But at least I know that this wasn't really about me. It's not my fault that the marriage has ended. He found someone else.
Any advice gratefully received please.