Can cheating ever just be a mistake ?

[Whyisitalwayscloudyabove]

Hi first post here! Just after some opinions really. My Dp and I have been together for 4 yrs . We have a 2yr old dd and im pregnant again.

After I first had dd I suffered with both pre natal and Pnd and had a lot else to deal with - my mum was terminally ill and me and dp argued all the time . The relationship was bad . I admit I neglected him and felt like I hated him - we had blazing rows and I would constantly tell him it's over. I felt so alone as he left me to get on with things with the baby whilst he still had his life. We had no family for support.

Anyway, I eventually found a text on his phone from a woman at work. He admitted he had been texting her and they had basically had an emotional affair / dirty texting and pictures etc. I decided to give him a second chance but days later found he was still in contact with her so asked him to leave.

Financial circumstances meant we ended up living together still and I accidentally got pregnant again. Both really happy about this although not an ideal situation !

Since Dp moved back in , he has been a different person- does almost everything for our dd , cooks , makes cups of t, offers me a rest whenever I need it and works his golf outings around me and us. We have been getting on fantastic lately and I feel like I'm in love with him again. He says he is so sorry about hurting me and promises he will never do it again. He has changed his phone number also.

I just still can't help feeling do hurt , betrayed and humiliated by what he did. I sometimes get so angry about it that I tell him it's over and he gets really upset - crying etc and then goes out of his way to be nice - flowers , tea in bed etc . I just don't know whether to just pack my things and leave with the dc when he least expects it , for a clean break or accept that he has genuinely made a mistake and that he does love me , he just made a mistake at a low point in our relationship.

Can you really love someone if you Have done that to them?? I feel everyone is laughing at me! Could it just have been a mistake? Opinions please!

Also just to advise , I'm currently arranging counselling for myself as I have had an awful awful two years, have severe trust issues and find it very hard to see things as a bigger picture. I believe this will help me to a point.

Yes you can love someone and still cheat on them. What he did was wrong but it sounds like you guys were having a terrible time.

Get some counselling and sort your head out before you make any decisions. Only you know whether you can forgive hm. But it sounds like he has supported you a lot and tried to make a mends.

You were in a very vulnerable position and your partner cheated on you, Men like him love no one but themselves.

He sounds like an egotistical cunt, sorry for my bluntness, but you need to get rid before he makes you feel even worse.

If he loved you he wouldn't be looking elsewhere.

You know all this already, Do you know that you deserve so much better?

I don't think it can be "just a mistake" but it can be something you deeply regret and have resolved never to do again. Only you can know if that's the case with your DP.

Acting like a prat and ending up snogging someone while drunk is a stupid mistake... actively pursuing the lead up to a relationship with someone else is definately a lot worse and a step further.

However, it does sound like you were both in a bad place, and it sounds as though he is genuinely sorry for his behaviour. You are pregnant, have a young child already, and are giving him a second chance.. but I would say if you are going to give him that chance, you cant keep on bringing up the past, you have got to move on from it and see this as a fresh start. It will not work if you keep telling him it is over again, or constantly reminding him of his mistake. If he is genuinely sorry he will not give you any reason at all to mistrust him from now on.

Your feelings of hurt, betrayal, and humiliation are entirely natural but, as you have reconciled, these feelings belong in the past and you're best advised not to let them cause unnecessary friction in the present or the future.

BTW, I very much doubt that anyone who knows that your dp cheated is laughing at you; they're most probably crossing themselves and praying that it won't happen to them.

Recovery from an affair is tough - your H need to be all the hard work in helping you and the relationship recover and it sounds like he is not doing everything.

I would advise you to read Shirley Glass's Not Just Friends as I found it helps one to think things through more clearly and it is very good at explaining how affairs happen and why and how to recover.

Get some counselling.Only when you are sure you both understand how and why this happened and sort out your communication as a couple so that if/ when tough times come along again you can cope with them together.Only then will you feel safe with him and start to really rebuild trust.He let you down at a time you needed him most which takes a huge amount of forgiveness.I know.My DH did very similar thing.No dirty pics but a massive betrayal at time when DC ill and family bereavement.
felt like a kick in the teeth given I had genuinely been there for him thro some tough times he'd had.
But you need help to resolve this because if he's truly sorry and you keep getting so angry for so long and throwing it back in his face neither of you will be happy.Not easy I know.Good luck.

Many, many couples do get through these things successfully. There's certainly hope and, while he behaved appallingly, it sounds like you were both in a bad place and he has now realised where he wants to be. And it's positive that he's apologetic and has changed his phone number, etc.

See how you get on with the counselling. And take your time - it will take time to get over, if you ever can; don't rush anything.