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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to ut spark back into marriage?

8 replies

Annem1 · 12/02/2012 11:01

I have been with my husband almost 22 years. We are at crisis point he says there is nothing left between us. I don't know what to say to him any more. What can I do to improve things. He has moved into the spare room and is talking about moving out.

OP posts:

fakeblondie · 12/02/2012 11:07

Make an appointment at relate ASAP.
we also-in same position . 22 years and 4 dc.
Relate have been fabulous. I mean really really great x

Original poster

Annem1 · 12/02/2012 13:03

We have been to private counselling it made things worse he says it made him realise how different we are he refuses to go back.

I don't want him to go but can't live like this anymore.

OP posts:

akaemmafrost · 12/02/2012 13:20

Sorry to be blunt but could there be another woman involved?

kodachrome · 12/02/2012 13:38

It doesn't sound like he's giving you a lot to work with. You can't turn things round on your own.

I'd be thinking other woman too.

Original poster

Annem1 · 12/02/2012 18:09

He went to look at a house for him to rent yesterday. He moved into the spare room before Christmas for about two months to shock me into taking charge of the relationship he says he moved back in our room after Christmas but has moved back to the spare room again. It feels like my life is in free fall.

OP posts:

LackaDAISYcal · 12/02/2012 18:19

Sorry you are at this point :( , but can I just adk why you are the one who needs to taje charge? What is he doing to help the relationship?

Sorry I can't help, but after 16 years and with a very demanding non sleeping 3yo DC3, I'm looking for ideas myself!

Original poster

Annem1 · 12/02/2012 20:09

He wants me to be more extrovert and to put fun and passion into the relationship I don't know where to start him sleeping in the spare room makes me feel so cut off from him. I am quieter than him he wants more from me.

OP posts:

LackaDAISYcal · 12/02/2012 20:58

It doesn't sound like he's doing a lot to help the relationship himself though, poor you.

Have you tried making time for each other? Going on "dates" etc. I wish we had the time, money or energy to do that, but all 3 are in short supply at the minute.

Maybe your DH living elsewhere could be a good thing for a short time? you would both need to put in the effort to make arrangements to spend time with each other? And that time is more likely to be meaningful. He needs to meet you halfway though, but sacking off the counselling as a waste of time and moving out of the marital bed and home doesn't shout out to me that he's willing to help.

Ikwym about not being able to live like this anymore. I feel like that a lot these days, that the fun has gone and everything has just become a chore.

Do you think he may be seeing, or contemplating seeing, someone else?

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