I spend all day everyday hating my OH!!!

[em222]

Ive had enough of our stupid relationship now, i can't stand him anymore! I spend most of my day pottering about the house trying to do housework whilst having a whingy baby and a 2 yr old, and thinking about how much i hate my OH! I know i hear alot of women say men dont clean and just act like they are still 18 but i just cant take it anymore. Is there a point where they get off their backsides and say 'here let me do that' or 'ile take the kids for a bit' no? Not mine anyway, i get no help when i need it and when i ask i get asked 'what would you do if i was'nt here?' i give up on him now, he gets to lounge around all day on the laptop because he only works 5pm-10pm on a weekday, i dread weekends we never go anywhere or do anything, i suggested we go the park today and no he does'nt want to the footballs on, but theres an excuse everytime. I am started to get frustrated with him texting a girl from work, he texts a few but one in particular is special enough to have her txts deleted!!!! I check his mobile bill which he is totally unaware of so i know! So what the hell is going on there :( i just want to cry and scream and punch him! I'v a good mind to find her bf on facebook and tell him! But that will only end up me getting shot i suppose. Today i asked him to change a nappy or wash up, he said ile take the nappy, surprisingly! But then he ends up actually being sick on a pile of clothes our 5 month old had done a poo! Im sick of telling him to get the fuck over himself heaving at snot poo and baby sick hes ridiculous and just speaks to me like a pile of shit all the time yet if i use the same tone of voice back he gets angry with me! I dont understand why he cant just share the responsibilities of looking after our children instead of sitting there not helping because he knows i will do it eventually. I cant even leave the baby home with him to go out anywhere, the first and last time i did i came home to find him in the exact same spot as when i left and picked him up, poor thing was soaked! Drenched in piss because he didnt change his nappy! All he does is spend all the money at work, sit on laptop computer phone and soak in the bath for hours, i dont get to sit down all day chill out relax in the bath go out speak to other adults have friends money bloody nothing. My health visitor wants me to see a doctor for pnd and he has the flipping cheek to turn around and say 'are you sure its not just laziness and lack of motivation' thats it ive had it along with his disgusting habits hes suddenly found, hes not always been like this, what the hell could possibly change somone into this so quickly? I am ready to pick up my kids and leave! Don't know where though as i have no family to go too or friends just me and my 2 kids

"she thought it was ok to put our newborn in the boot of a taxi last time she came to visit"

What a vile family they sound like.

I think your life would improve immeasurably if you dumped your 'd'p and got on with enjoying your life. It's too short to spend it with such a wanker. Seriously, I know you want to be with the old him, but this is who he is now. He isn't going to change. And I would bet my money on him having an affair if he's started texting girls and deleting his texts. What an utter loser. Just imagine the relief and the freedom of not having him around! Every month you're with him is a month wasted where you could be happy with someone who will treat you right.

I also think her asking for you to sign for a passport gives you reason to only let your dp and her mother have supervised contact, so that your dcs are safe. I can't see your dp having much interest in your children though if you do leave, tbh.

You would be financially and emotionally better off without this 'man'. You would get a council house, be entitled to benefits, you wouldn't have to clean and cook and pick up after him, and you'd get some time to yourself whilst he has contact with the children.

I'd put money on the fact that after a few weeks you'll feel like a huge weight has been lifted, and your pnd would vastly improve. You can get yourself out and about to sure start/baby groups, you'll find the motivation to meet new people and make new friends. I promise you, you'll feel like a different person without him!

Oh and There's NO WAY he's going to want custody of the children if he can't even change a nappy without vomiting .

Yep shocking I know and with my eldest whos now 2, she hung him from his ankles at 8 weeks old and thought it was funny yet I get told not to dwell on it, I will not trust her to look after them properly, shes another one who heaves at snot, i wonder how she managed when hers were little! Our baby was about 9 weeks old last time she came and i told him and her to get lost and come back with a little respect but nope she left and started calling all the names under the sun! Shes a bully and tries to get people on side, and when i think about it now shes been slagging me off to him for ages when they are alone, everytime hes back from seeing her alone he tells me, 'my mums upset' She tells him i dont make her feel welcome and just stupid things really and always ends up him having a go at me and left thinking what the hell have i done to her! Apart from when our first was born she wanted him to take our baby to wales just a day after coming home so i said no newborns should be with their mummies, i had a bad time so there answere was to let them take him. Shes such a cow because he went home to wales without the baby and they all kicked off, he then came back to me a day after and apparently his mum told him it was more important for him to bond with the baby more than me as he was still in the army then, so that ended up with my oh refusing to let me take him anywhere or even hold him for more than a few minutes, he had 3 weeks paternity leave so it was hell! My family were asking me what the hell is wrong with him and told me to stop being soft and demand the baby back, he said no so i went back downstairs and balled my eyes out to my mum and my nan went up n got him for me. I then spoke to my oh and thats when he told me what his mum had told him and realised he shouldnt have listened to her. To me thats her playing games interfering so i told him to tell her to eff off basically, and its made us dislike eachother since then and has always caused arguments between us which is probably another reason why we are not getting on

Seriously life is just too short to be around such vile people.

It all sounds hellish. Most people do not behave like this.

It is hell, and the worst bit is not having anyone to talk to about it. I don't tell anyone because its just so ridiculous and embarrasing.

He sounds like a complete waste of space!

I assume the Child benefit is being paid to you? Get it redirected into a personal bank account for starters.

Seriously, you need an exit plan.

Yes child benefit and the tax credits are in my name x

You're renting, aren't you? Are both names on the rental agreement? If so, why should you be the one who goes?

Why is he only working 20 hours a week? Why is he not helping the rest of the time?

I couldn't live like that, OP. I'd have his bags packed. And don't worry about him having the kids - for one thing he has no argument if it goes to court, because he's never taken care of them anyway, and for another, once you get rid and he starts going out etc, he won't want them there all the time.

I would tell him that you're seeing a solicitor before you let him take the children out of your house.

Really, you could have a lovely life without him.

Was a passport ever issued for the baby? If it was, you should get hold of it and keep it in a safe place.

Yes both our names our on the agreement, and i really dont want to be the one to up and go, I would like to know if he is up to no good first, then ile be throwing his stuff out and bolting the doors, he works 5 hours on a week day at hmrc, he sais he does'nt want a different job because he likes the job its easy and he likes the people he works with, i have never met any of them but they all gave us money when our new baby was born so i guess they are nice people.

He will play with them and get me the odd bottle but wont feed it to baby, his excuse is hes letting me do it all because of what happened with our first baby (my post above explains) but even so it does'nt excuse him from the rest of it.

No I said no to the passport, one minute she's not interested in having her grandson and the next she wants to take him to disney land, strange they could afford all of this as apparently they were nearly at the point of loosing their house (I overheard my oh and brother talking about it) Another reason why i said no is his mum has 2 passports she has just spelt her name differently on one, she is not allowed in this house now anyway I told oh after last time she was here, that now, she is not welcome ever again x

Ohh I would feel a phone call to the authorities if I knew she had two passports. I think they'd be very interested to know that.

They sound controlling and a little bit dangerous.

I don't know your legal position (though there will be plenty here who do) but without doubt I would advise you to remove yourself and your children from the relationship.

The idea that you weren't allowed to hold your baby for more than a few minutes at a time for the first three weeks of it's life makes me and for you. And his mums suggestion that she takes the baby to Wales the day you came home from the hospital is just mental and

Let the OW have him. Your life could be so different.

Belive me I have thought about reporting her for the passports, i think its legal to have 2 but she knowingly changed how she spells her name, i don't know why but she does steal alot, you wouldnt know it looking at her you would think shes a little miss perfect!

As for the stupid idea his mum put into his head about bonding with our first child, I am still angry about and still angry about everything else, he has told her to stay away from me anyway, but now he wants to go and patch things up with her. (I have told him to keep me out of it I wont have nothing to do with her now) But he wants to take one of the kids! The eldest, i said NO WAY I wont have them arguing and bad mouthing me infront of him it will scare him but hes sure he will be taking him (he won't I'le make sure of it)

Sorry if I'me going on a bit, it's just nice to hear others opinions on it instead of me sitting here wondering if i am in the wrong all the time x

Sounds like you have a mum and a nan if they are both still around i would get family back up and make sure they know your planning to leave him. You will need as much support as possible in the next few eeks and months,

They don't live near me and never have any money to visit, i used to go to them but just not had the money anymore x

Em. You should go and get some face to face professional advice. Your DP sounds vile and his mum sounds controlling and unhinged.

Do you have any good friends can help you get through this?