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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't know what I want?

3 replies

mrsbatty · 11/02/2012 12:19

Been with my dh for 10 years he has never lasted more than a year in a job and has never been promoted.
when working he does earn good money much more than me.
when ds was born 5 years ago lots of things came out of woodwork other women sort of thing not sure full affairs but fb stuff etc which was very stressfull. parents and friends told me to leave but i didn't want to for mainly financial reasons and had a brand new baby.
5 years on and I just found his twitter account online - chatting to a girl a bit flirty nothing major but did make me feel sick
He is so lazy with our children (also have ds 7)and always has been.
He is rude to me alot of the time but charm itself to other people.
If I leave him it means returning to the UK (we live abroad) and I have no family or friends there really as long term ex pat.
Do not trust husband would look after me financially and I really worry what I would live on as I have built up an OK business here.
I worry I could leave things another 5 years and he is still lazy with me and the children and just repeatedly losing his job or will I go back to the UK and be really unhappy there and regret not sticking it out and make the most of my life here?
It makes me feel so desperate for the kids to think of taking them away from everything they know but would it be for the long term good?
In another 5 years I will be 45 will I still be finding "other women" on the internet and putting up with a man who thinks he is still single?
Thanks for reading

OP posts:
kodachrome · 11/02/2012 12:36

Would you definitely have to return to the UK if you split - is a visa/legal thing? If you have a business and friends where you are, then if possible I'd stay on without his support. Obviously if legally you'd have to return, then that's not possible.

I doubt very much anything will change if you stay with him and yes, you'll be finding evidence of him trawling for other women etc forever.

FabbyChic · 11/02/2012 12:36

Can you not build a life for yourself where you are? Why the need to return to the UK if your life is where you are now.

mrsbatty · 11/02/2012 12:41

yes its a visa thing really I could probably stay here for a bit with my business and his support if he agreed (mid east) but I guess ultimately i'd have to leave so in a way I think should I get it over with and just come home (but my children have never even been to the UK)
Not sure what he is doing with these girls if he see's them or just chat's/flirts.
what makes it worse is his inability to hold down a job and all I think is no wonder wasting his time chatting girls up :0(
I feel so guilty for marrying him my children don't deserve it!
I just wish i'd married a hard working family man is that really so much?

OP posts:
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