Help, I like living on my own too much

[Bennifer]

I'm single, and I'm really worried I'm going to remain this way forever. I'd like a partner, but I seem unwilling to commit to people, and I really enjoy having my house to myself.

Am I just destined to become a "spinster"? Or have I just not found "the right one" yet. Is anyone else like this. I worry I'm a commitmentphobe, or perhaps just too selfish for a relationship.

Nothing wrong with finding a partner but not living together if you are clear from the outset that's what you want.

I'm sure plenty of men/women would like to meet someone for companionship/dates/sex but not commit themselves so far as living together.

Hell, if DH and I ever split I don't think I'd ever live with anyone again!

There are alternatives to living together - nothing wrong with having a partner you don't share a home with, as long as you're both comfortable with it. People generally would probably think you weren't as committed to each other as couples living together, but it's about being happy, not about conforming.

I don't think a lack of desire to make that jump is necessarily something you need to 'get over'.

Living together as part of a nuclear family is a cultural construct, not a biological one. In fact the nuclear family is a really weird idea and only exists in westernised post-industrial cultures. Elsewhere, the extended family is the norm, and in areas untouched by modern civilisation, communal type living tends to be preferred. There is such a variation that it is impossible to say that a specific set up is the norm and anyone who deviates from it is abnormal.

Go for whatever makes you happy. I am much the same and will never live with someone again, though I am not against the idea of a long-term relationship (I just don't see why that should automatically mean living together).

You don't go from living on your own to living with someone in a week - it takes time! You may meet someone and get to know them over a year or two (or more!), at which time you know/love them enough to want to share your living space with them.

I appreciate where you're coming from though. I've been on my own for a long time and the thought of someone else in my house is a bit strange tbh. But it wouldn't be a stranger, would it? It would be someone I knew extremely well, someone I valued and respected. I've recently had a student staying for a week and realised he was seriously getting on my nerves. I tried to work out what it was as he is a model houseguest; then realised it was because he was a bod in my house . Ah well, I don't love him (I like him a lot though )

I know a very happy couple who live across the road from eachother. It's a long term, happy, committed relationship but this is how it works best for them.

You can live however you want to live as long as it's not hurting others. And I know (particularly divorced) men who want to keep their independence and not move in with a woman again. It suits them just fine.

People in a relationship who don't live together are called 'LATS" (Living Apart Together). You are very sensible if you realise how much your own space and independence mean to you, this doesn't necessarily preclude a relationship.

Be careful what you wish for. There is NOTHING wrong with being single and having short term casual relationships if that's what suits YOU. For many years I was 'woe is me, I never meet the right man, I will be left on the shelf blah blah blah' not realising I love having my own space and actually for me personally the hassle of a relationship isn't what I want. I enjoy my friends, my career, my sports, my cats. If I want sex, to be honest I can, if I want, go to a club any night of the week and get it. Knowing that even if I don't ever plan to do it is nice .

It wasn't until recently I met the man I would consider to be the man of my dreams. I am very attracted to him physically, he makes me laugh, I can tell him anything. He is my best friend. He was in a relationship but isn't anymore and has been making lots of hints that we should start dating. But you know what, having thought long and hard about it, I am happy just being friends and having my life the way it is with no relationship. Never thought I would say that . So maybe it is the same with you and the grass is actually greener on the other side. Or maybe you will meet the perfect man and fall into his arms. Who knows :)

My Dad and his partner live on the same street - but not in the same house! They have been together for 20 plus years.

They wear wedding rings but aren't married. She cooks alot of his meals, he maintains and decorates for her.

Whatever works for you!

I thought the same as you OP - I worried that I was so set in my ways, and liked being on my own so much that I wouldn't find anyone who I would be prepared to compromise that for.

I'm now engaged, although we're not living together at the moment. I have found that when the right guy comes along you don't really think twice about it - in fact its a pretty good barometer of how you feel about someone.

Although I have to add that I do enjoy the two evenings a week I get on my own, and I am a little worried that once we live together it'll be all picking his dirty pants up off the floor and cleaning up his mess. I'm determined to set some boundaries to stop this happening.

As for time on my own, I think putting aside a little time every so often where you can just "be" is not the end of the world, and I know that DF would respect that.

I agree with what cupofbrownjoy said.

I didn't think I'd be willing to share my gorgeous flat with anyone. Then I met DH and I totally wanted to share it!

I've spent around 20 years co-habiting, now I live on my own, absolutely love living it.
Much more relaxing, way less housework to do, do exactly what I like when I like, it's bliss

I also love living without a partner in my house. I cant say i live alone because i have my 11 yr old son live with me and my pregnant daughter and partner are moving in! However, i have been seeing someone for about 9 months and i have no desire to share my space permanently. I love the freedom i have after a marriage of 11 years. Its about learning to love yourself and being self sufficient x

I can't imagine sharing a bed, let alone a home again. I HAVE to sleep alone and can't even sleep with the cat in the bed. As for living together!
I might feel differently when the DCs have left home though :)

MrsBrown, I am EXACTLY the same I detest sharing a bed!