What to do?

[laurenamium]

First time posting in relationships so here goes!

I've been with DP 9 months so not an incredibly long time, after 4 months he moved himself into my house- despite me saying no- this started off as just a suitcase left from working away and then before I know it he had brought his computer and toothbrush. He doesn't go home now just seems to live at mine . So this is the first bone of contention.

Secondly, he does nothing around the house at all! He comes from a very traditional family where women do everything and moved straight here from his grans! I feel like I am nagging him all the time. Not only this, but he irritates me daily- little things like winding the dog up to stupid levels of excitement or following me around the house.ive spoken to him about this several times and he doesn't take it in- I need to kick him out don't I?

Yes -what is stopping you?

His grandad has a terminal brain tumor and he is in charge of looking after him, I've mentioned splitting up before and he used this to make me feel guilty I think I know what I need to do. I want my house back!

Yes please do.

Yes. When this happened to me, he stayed almost 12 years! It didn't end well so better to deal with it sooner rather than later.

The other thing I reflect on in my situation, as he was a "guest", I played the good hostess. These behaviours continued in our relationship sadly.

A proper discussion about deciding to live together covers roles and accountabilities but when they move in by stealth, these essential discussions and agreements just don't seem to happen!

Sad though it is for his grandad that is independent of your relationship (and I note nowhere in your post do you say anything good about that) it shouldn't have any bearing on what you do. Also if it wasn't his grandad , it would be something else

Do you work? Are you both in together all day?

I work from home as a child minder and he is a self employed plumber but spends a lot of time at mine sat on his computer embarking on new business ventures to "make us millions", he doesn't pay towards bills either. I'm resolute I'll be having a sit down chat when he returns from "work" (a business meeting with his best mate who's in the army)

I think just even putting it in writing has made my mind up! Thanks guys!

Good luck- let us know how it goes

Does he have a CRB? He shouldn't be there - sorted!!!

I've learned a great word from Mumsnet.Cocklodger.That's what he seems to be.Lemon's right about the CRB so best to chuck him out or you may lose your registration.Good luck Mx.

If you say about the crb he will say fine I'll get one. Just tell him he's dumped. well, in your own words obviously. good luck.

He has a crb through ofsted! That was the first thing he did!

Did you have the chat?

He's gone, just!

Coming back tomorrow for the rest of the stuff, I tried to compromise because I do like his company and said we could see each other 3/4 nights a week- like normal newish couples- but it wasn't enough so he made the decision.

Definitely a cop out on my part but it was very civilized, off to go have a glass of and pack his things! Thanks everyone! It's definitely for the best long term, my DD is 1 and I wouldn't have wanted her to get to an age where she would remember him- I don't want people in and out of her life as she doesn't have a dad at all ( he left when I was pregnant and we've never seen him since despite every effort on my part but that's a different thread!)

Anyway I'm rambling! Thanks everyone!

Glad it is resolved - sounds like you made right decision for you and your dd. enjoy your wine

Well done! Just don't let it happen again.

Well done, enjoy having your home back uncluttered by him!

thanks every one!

lesser there is no way I'll be letting anyone near my house now! Mine and DD's precious place and that's how it's staying!