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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Sex Appointments

36 replies

SoggySocks · 10/02/2012 22:25

I hate hate hate hate having pressure put on me for sex. Just changed jobs and planned to have a nice relaxing weekend at home while the kids were with their dad. So anyway boyfriend starts whinging that he wants me to go and stay at his house on the saturday night. I say no because I want a night to myself so he says he'll go out with his mates and I can stay at his and chill out with a takeaway and sky movies and he'll see me around midnight. Ok whatever - so I agree but now he's started with the "sex appointment" shit "can't wait until I get you on that bed on saturday night" "we'll have fun on saturday night wink wink" "ive bought you some wine - but don't fall asleep before I get back!"

This was supposed to be a "me me me" chill out weekend after 2 hard long weeks of work.

AIBU to get really turned off and irritated at him making this some kind of sex appointment?

I keep wanting to say "btw sex is not guaranteed this weekend you know" but the I sound like a mardy cow.

OP posts:

HedleyLamarr · 10/02/2012 23:28

Bloody heck, AnyFucker agrees with me!

HedleyLamarr · 10/02/2012 23:29

Oh yeah, forgot to add. This bloke's a cock.

kodachrome · 10/02/2012 23:32

I'd cry off if I were you, OP. You don't really want to be there, so don't be.

Bossybritches22 · 10/02/2012 23:35

Thetruth

A BF desiring to have sex with you is one thing.

Feeling pressurised when you just want a slobby night in on your own is another.

Any couple needs time apart on occasion, doesn't mean she's not "into him" most of the time.

Just not this w/e. I get that.

LeBOF · 10/02/2012 23:38

If he wasn't going on about it, and they happened to both want sex when he got in, then fine.

She wants a chilled evening, where she can snooze off watching a movie. The way he is going about it, piling the pressure and expectation on, the OP is going to feel like if she doesn't fancy "putting out" to a possibly pissed man after he's got back from the kebab shop, then he'll be disappointed, sulky, or possibly angry.

Not very erotic. But entitled and insensitive men seldom are.

OP, I'd stay home if I were you.

HepHep · 10/02/2012 23:45

Another one voting for staying home and having the kind of evening YOU want. He's made it clear that really, if you go round there, he will be calling the shots even while officially 'giving you some space' and letting you chill out. But really he's quite set on what he wants, so if you aren't into it then don't go round there; it's like agreeing with what he's proposing if you do, it will look like you are implicitly agreeing with his suggestions by your very presence.
If you're not feeling the vibe, chill out in your comfort zone and see him some other day. He does sounds like a bit of a cock and you seem to be noticing that; or maybe you two aren't communicating well enough and he hasn't got a clue how you really feel. Still think he's a bit of a knob though, just going by this incident.

sunshineandbooks · 10/02/2012 23:47

Stay home. You won't enjoy the evening chilling out because you'll feel on edge waiting for him to get back. There is nothing more of a turn off than being pressurised for sex.

Pornyissue · 11/02/2012 02:26

Face it, if you liked him and the sex you would be looking forward to it also.
But your not.
I think that speaks volumes.

feedbackforfree · 11/02/2012 09:06

I'm not gonna slate the guy in this instance. His behaviour could be considered a booty call, or he could just be looking forward to spending time with someone he fancies and is in a relationship with. Nothing wrong with the latter scenario.

The OP is not being very assertive so she needs to just say what she wants, act like an independant adult with a choice and do as she pleases.

All in the communication........

balia · 11/02/2012 09:10

Isn't it all a bit passive-aggressive? Why agree to something if you are going to be so resentful? Have a grown up conversation about your feelings about sex, FGS.

madonnawhore · 11/02/2012 09:53

I kind of agree with thetruth. There's nothing inherently wrong with him looking forward to seeing you and having sex with you.

If you wanted an evening at home by yourself, why did you agree to go round to his?

It's hard to tell from your post whether he's a pest and a bit manipulative or whether you're passive aggressive and not very assertive.

Either way you don't sound very into him.

I suppose the acid test is what will happen if, after all this build, you don't have sex with him. Will he accept that or will he sulk and make you feel bad? If it's the latter then dump now.

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