Crazy I know but anyone tried a private investigator

[lavender11]

If you have employed a private investigator as a result of suspicions that your other half might be cheating, I would be v grateful to hear your views. Is it a waste of time or money? Are there serious limitations to what they can find out (for example most of these things start within the workplace so how can they get "inside" so to speak anyway?) if it is on an hourly rate is it not extremely expensive
Do only very desperate and crazy types try this (no offence to anyone who has tried it - i am contemplating it myself!)

can you not look at his phone or/and email account?

A friend of mine's twat of a husband upped and left without prior warning and within days she'd received his petition for divorce citing her unreasonable behaviour.

The address given on his petition was that of a B&B estabishment; a few days of covert surveillance by a PI was sufficient to prove that her h was, in fact, living with his other woman and my friend was subsequently able to divorce him for adultery.

PI services don't come cheap but, unless your h is getting his leg over on his/her office desk, it's unlikely that any infiltration of the workplace will be needed as his extra-marital activities will most probably be taking place outside of office hours.

What has aroused your suspicions?

It's often said that most suspicions of affairs are founded

Lots of cheaper ways to find out the truth, plenty of advice here on MN re basic snooping skills!

I'm sending you a private message now about something a private detective told me they did.

Imperialblether - you can't say that without spilling the Beans now I'm intrigued!!! What did they do????

Please tell Imperial please.

Yeah please tell - Clara deserves to know because she's too cool for school, she got a personal telling off on another thread.

oops should have been .

But I was being a brat lis, still.......
Not making light of your situation OP. Why are you suspicious?

Ohh I want to know also.

Where do you live, can a nm stalk or honey trap him?

I would love someone to honeytrap my exh, and show the evidence to the ow when we were married, who is now mrs number two.

Do you need proof? Most of us tend to believe the best of our loved ones and find it hard to believe the worst even when faced with incontrovertible evidence. There's a reason we have the cliché 'love is blind'. Many women refuse to believe they have been cheated on even when everyone else knows about it.

When someone really believes their partner is having an affair, it tends to signify that trust and respect has already gone. If you believe your partner to be capable of having an affair, you clearly think he is lacking in loyalty, integrity and respect for you. If you believed he had those attributes where you are concerned, you wouldn't entertain the idea of him having an affair.

Sadly, unless you are an insecure, paranoid individual, the chances are that your suspicions are based on reality.

Whatever you do from here, I wish you well.

A friend of mine engaged a private investigator to snoop on her ex. The PI guy was an ex policeman who had access to police files. After about a week of investigation the PI met my friend for coffee and appeared absolutely frightened like he had seen a ghost. Turned out the ex was actually in some Russian gang involved in human trafficking and drug trade. PI was frightened for his life and changed his name, house and relocated hundreds of miles away.

How would your friend know the pi moved etc, and why would the ex know the pi snooper on him?

Err, I think the clue is in the posters name, Themouse.

I engaged a PI to find my exh's actual whereabouts for the purposes of serving divorce papers and to make sure my grounds couldn't be challenged (infidelity).

My PI found him within half an hour at OW's address without leaving his office - access to certain databases can give all sorts of info that us mere mortals can't get. He also offered to track my ex's movements by car by using some techno thingy plus all the usual photo's etc and some 'innocent' knocking on OW's neighbour's doors.

As it turned out I didn't need all of that, the address was enough. He was an ex police officer.

Cost to me - about £75. Cost to exh? Fecking thousands!!!!!!

I think if you're st the point where your suspicions are strong enough that you want to hire a PI then there is no trust or respect left in the relationship and that enough is a reason to end it.

Save your money.

Sorry to post that and nothing more! If you'd like to know, PM me. If I can see you've posted on here fairly regularly, I'll let you know. I don't want the wrong people to know about it, IYSWIM.