So you meet a perfect man and find

[cinnamonswirls]

he's funny kind open generous good-looking fit mid forties well-balanced well-respected incredibly solvent and he brought me a huge bunch of flowers last night as I've been feeling poorly and have still had to work hard (boohoo) I always feel good after talking to him and spending time with him but absolutely DREAD it before hand.

I put him off tonight as couldn't face it - I just read the when would you have sex thread and realised I've gone past the third date and not kissed

What happens if you have been single too long (er 10 years plus I'm 40) and you enjoy wearing purple, spitting and talking to your cat in the evening? How do you explain that to Mr Rightish? I really like him but just am too worn out to face having all these wonderful dates.

Can I just refuse to ever go out again and hide under my blanket until he finds someone who wants a relationship? My girlfriends are shouting at me in frustration my boss ordered me out tonight and I just want to cry

Major red flags.

And i'm not on about him i'm afraid...

There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to stay single.

I think you owe it to this lovely guy to be completely honest though. If he's that nice he will completely understand.

Why can't you just be friends and then a few months down the line see if your feelings change? Or is he too into you for that to work? If you can be friends, go with it, take all the pressure off and just enjoy eachother's company. Then you get a nice new friend with the bonus that maybe you'll fall head over heels a few months down the line and having had no pressure will be able to enter a relationship with him.

Is he over 6' and not skeletal? If so, pass him on to me please.

I think you should re-assess your defintion of "perfect".

He might tick your "logical boxes" of a perfect man- though the idea of anyone being perfect is a bit Mills & Boon anyway- but what appears to be lacking is chemistry.

I 'd say you need to have a good hard think about a) whether you ar ready for any kind of intimate involvement and b) if you are, then this guy is not the one- otherwise you'd be tearing his kit off- or at least wanting too

I don't agree amelia - some relationships are slow burn at the beginning, tearing kit off comes later

It's hard to know if you are just panicking or genuinely want to remain single.

I found that I always hated getting close to someone, I used to tell myself I was going to dump them after a couple of dates, would go on and off them like a lightbulb, would inexplicably start to dislike them (but wanting to see them too). This was all just fear of getting close. I am sure I got married because my husband basically ignored all this palava (e.g. he carried on while I flapped, tried to back out etc).

In my case, I was more terrified of being with someone than being single.

I am not sure what is going on here, but the feeling of almost being ill before you go out may be extreme nerves/start of feelings for him. If you didn't like him why would you give a toss about the whole thing?

I think you are scared you DO like him and but the thought of it is unpleasant, so you are trying to get rid of him to stop the possibility occuring.

The point is, you are not in a relationship yet. You don't know him yet. Nothing can happen without your permission. If you date a couple more times and don't want to see him again, that's ok. You are panicking that you are getting married and losing your independence when there is no chance of that at this stage! Slow down, perhaps he'll be a nice person to have a relationship with, perhaps not and you will prefer to remain single, but do slow down with the panicking.

So - did you see him??

The great thing about being single and happy about it is that you can go out and do what you want - or not. Why not be friends with this man? There's nothing to say you have to have a relationship with him, is there? Where's the law that says so?