personal nosey question!

[glamourmama]

Bit of a personal question, how soon after having a baby did you have sex with your dp or dh? My baby is 6 weeks, dp has made it clear he can't wait to start having sex again. Now 6 weeks has come and he has assumed we will start again. Personally its the last thing I want at the moment. I'm EXHAUSTED mainly, soon as baby sleeps that's what I want to do. I'm sick of dp trying to initiate sexual contact. I don't even want to waste time kissing and cuddling when I could be sleeping. Also I feel fat and ugly with leaky milk boobs! Am I neglecting dp or is this normal. Feel its already affecting our relationship but at the moment if someone told me I'd never have sex again I wouldn't care less. In fact I'd breath a big sigh of relief.

It's normal not to want sex in the early months, when you're knackered, touched out from breast-feeding and feeling like a wrung out rag.

The six weeks guideline is a bit of a double-edged sword, isn't it? At least it gives new mums a breathing space from demanding dhs, but when it runs out, you're out of 'official' excuses.

But it is tough on the guy if you're rejecting cuddles and so forth. Try to be loving without feeling you have to give in to sex if you're not ready for it. It's very early days and he should be understanding. All I can advise is keep talking and telling him you love him, but that you are just sheer exhausted. It will get better as the baby grows. It's all short phases, but extremely demanding with a tiny baby.

Thanks for reply, dp is understanding but I just don't think he "gets" it if that makes sense! I don't think he appreciates how little sleep I'm getting (prob because he snores through it all) he just read you had to wait 6 weeks and thought that was that!
I wouldn't mind kiss and cuddle but then the wandering hands creep out. Feel its worst to get him all 'hyped' up and then cut him off.

I made myself have sex with dh after my 6wk checkup as otherwise wasn't sure I would again... Tbh it was quite a while after that that we did it again as I didn't particularly feel like it for similar reasons to you (now pg again and def not feeling like it so not sure he'll get it at 6wks this time!)

Think this is pretty normal. Talk to him, try to let some affection slowly creep back in I guess? To answer your question we did about 8 week after having ds, for me personally it was a lot about feeling like me again and being me and partner instead of mum and dad. The leaky boobs bothered me though and I asked dp to stay clear

Oh and once that first time was over with I found my sex drive kinda roared back into life

Try telling him (gently) not to be Mr Octopus and let you take the lead for now. Tell him, when you're ready you will take him by the scruff of the cock or something .

The trouble is if you don't give physical affection to him cos he might try it on, he feels more rejected & gets more desperate & tries it on more, and it can turn into not touching at all and marital chill.

It doesn't really matter what is "normal" your DH needs to respect how you feel, regardless. If he is putting undue pressure on you then you need to make it clear that is unacceptable.

How long has varied with each of my DC, and we left it only days in one case but (tmi) i was up for it and DH was lovely and considerate and gentle.

After a number of years of BF leaky boobs have become a bit of a thing

Thanks, glad its not just me! I half feel sorry for him (during the day) and half feel annoyed(during the night!)

Also did u arrange your own 6 week check or do you get an appointment sent to you? Iv heard nothing. What does it involve?

We did it about 5 weeks after but I have a high sex drive and was feeling like it, if you're not explain to him that you might feel more inclined if he backed off a little and let you feel like you can have a cuddle with no expectations. You might start wanting it more in your own time without any pressure. Failing that give him a quick, ahem, rub to keep him quiet!

We were about five months tbh but I had a forceps delivery then episiotomy stitches that ruptured and was not restitched. Don't think my husband minded - in fact I think it took him longer to get over the trauma of the birth than me!

Quick handjob as a compromise?

Tell him that he needs to stop the wandering hands because this is stressing you out and turning you off. If you are bracing yourself for a hug to turn into a grope and you're not in the mood, your libido will die completely. But you do need to tell him this because otherwise he's likely to grope you even more in an attempt to kick start things.

At 6 weeks after birth, he has to accept that you are tired and not necessarily thinking about sex. If he wants you to get more in the mood, he needs to do some night feeds so you can sleep, take the baby for you to have a break, and make you feel like a desirable woman again, not just a mother. If his libido is rampant, then he's clearly not working anywhere near as hard as you - which probably contributes to your lack of desire TBH as no one likes feeling like they're in an unequal partnership.

The good news is, all this is completely normal. It doesn't mean he's a selfish twat and you should leave the bastard. However, if you talk to him about all this and he does nothing, or continues to pressure you for sex, you do have a bit of a problem. It's fine for him to want it and feel frustrated that he's not getting it, but it is not ok for him to pressure you for it or to sulk if it's not forthcoming.

6 weeks first time, 8 weeks on the regular now.
there are no hard and fast rules.
just whenever you're comfortable (and un-sleep-deprived enough!)

Agree with others that it's a vicious circle, a hug turns into a gripe which you don't want but he feels rejected and the hug/griping attempts increase and it's a total turn off.

You just need to explain this to your DH (and maybe give him the occasional hand job if you are feeling generous, until you feel up to wanting more )

Gripe = grope, stupid phone!

But perhaps gripe fits too

Ha ha at gripe/grope! Maybe I can hand relieve with 1 hand and rock moses basket with other??? (Joke!)

Think I'll wait for a weekend afternoon at least then my nights will still be my own.

I was just going to say a blow job that works for a while. But try doing it when you have more energy and in a way that ensures he does most of the work!!! If you catch my drift!