Other mothers forcefully separated from your children . . . I need your advice

[wantmydaughterback]

Mine is a very long and complex story which I am happy to share (already been in the Daily Mail and on the BBC local news), but now I am beginning to fall apart and don't know how to cope any more. None of my family and friends really understand how I am feeling or what I have been through or continue to go through. And if I am honest, I am afraid to tell them. I have spoken to one other mother who has been in a similar situation to mine and it was so good to share with someone who understands. I would really love to be in touch with any other mothers who are without their children against their wishes. In particular those women whose children are overseas and who may still be fighting for custody. The strength I managed to muster for 8 months now has eroded away and I am so frightened of losing it completely. It is getting harder and harder now to keep going. Please get in touch and I hope we can help each other.

I don't have any direct experience, but didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

Years ago my Mum had a work colleague who sounds to have been in a similar position. Her XH stole her DD (then aged 10) and DS (then aged 2) to his home country, where his family were very powerful (her FIL was a minister in the government IIRC). AFAIK, her DD returned to the UK under her own volition when she was 16, but her DS remains overseas and my Mum's colleague hadn't been able to see or speak to him in over a decade .

I hope someone with more knowledge comes along soon with practical support.

Best wishes to you.

DOn't lose it. You can't. I almost ended up in this situation but count my blessings everyday that I have DS with me.

Thank you CinnabarRed and Grockle for your responses. I am so sorry for your Mum's colleague. How heartbreaking. I am guessing she was in touch with Reunite? At least her daughter came back, but how awful those 6 years must have been for her. And with her son so young when he was taken, would he even remember her? So very, very sad. How does she get through each day? Keep counting those blessings, Grockle - you escaped a nightmare.

No experience of this, but I really really hope you get your DD back soon. Wishing you all the best.

Are you willing to provide any further information? Lots on here have legal experience which may help but they may need to know a bit more about your circumstances.

And how dreadful for you, I can't imagine what that's like. A big hug from me x

Keep plodding through.

Our situation is no secret. DS is here with us but we live with the constant threat that ex-h will take him and disappear.

It took 2 years in court to secure a sole residence order and I refused to allow overseas contact prior to that being in place because ex admits he intends to take DS - most likely when he is 7 years old (exh claims religious grounds which is why age 7 is significant for him) Because we knew we won't be able to stop him when he goes, the best we can do is have a residence order in place so we can do everything possible to get DS back quickly.

I can't identify exactly because you have to live with the situation I dread, but you really have my sympathy for what it's worth.

Keep going and fight for you DC. I hope you DC are reunited with you soon.

I have had one of my DC removed from my care (by SS) so nothing like you have been through.

My DC was removed at birth (for DV, and mental health - depression, and home conditions) SS did not help me solve them they just did the assessments and decided my DC will be at to much risk (I was not told they were planning on taking the baby until I was in labour and just about to push) the SS knew my ex P was raping and hitting me daily but they told me if I left him I would lose my unborn baby, When I tried to report him to the police I was threatened by my ex Partner that he would throw me off the bridge into the river pregnant or not unless I told the police I was lying.

When SS removed my DC my mental health deteriorate. I was sectioned when DC was 10months and that was the last time I saw DC (I have saw DC in the town where I used to live but I couldn't approach DC which was heartbreaking).

All I have of DC is a few photos and a baby grow and blanket (they now obviously don't smell like my DC but its nice to have them) that DC first had on before SS took DC.

I now have DD (with a loving supportive partner) and another cities SS have done all of the assessments and have decided all I ever needed was support to look after my child. SS believe the other SS never behaved right and they went in too heavy handed but there is nothing I can do now, if they helped me I could have managed but the Social worker was not offering any help, she was just putting me down and making me upset.

Thank you all for your messages. Backpackbackpack, your story is so sad. I am sorry. Arachnophobic, I am getting legal advice, but it is all very slow in terms of what may or may not be possible. Of course, I am MOST happy to get additional view points, because even though I have pestered everyone I can think of pestering, I don't want to leave any stone unturned. Any new ideas are most welcome. In terms of the details, perhaps giving you the link to the story in my local paper is the easiest way to explain, even though SO much has been left out of it, especially the details of what my ex did, has done and continues to do to me.

and I also have a facebook page for my daughter where there are a few more details, and messages to her.

However, what I am looking for now, is some kind of support group, if one exists, for women in similar situations. I just don't know how to cope with everything I am feeling and all the problems this past year has caused me. My GP did refer me for counselling, but what I would prefer is knowing how other mothers deal with just finding the will to face each day. So would love to chat, email, meet, whatever, with anyone with experience of this sort of awful situation. Thanks.

Oh my goodness.
I am so sorry at what has happened to you and words cannot describe what a monster your ex is.
Separating a mother from her child is despicable.
I pray you and your DD will be reunited soon and you will have the strength to continue.
X x

There are some other mums on fb with similar situations, maybe ask around?

One is called looking for my 3 daughters.

Here's the address of an online support group I came across when I was on another board: Mother Apart From Their Children

I don't know if it's any good or if you're already in touch with them, but they're all I can think of.

Thank you Althalus, I will try them. Nailak, I did a search on facebook, but can't find the page 'looking for my 3 daughters'. Would you mind pasting the link for me? Thanks.

Althalus, I just went to the MATCH site, it looks like it could be very useful, but I cannot contact anyone unless I pay to join the group. Makes me a little wary and as I don't have a job yet, every penny counts. Anyone else out there with any suggestions? ContraryMartha, thank you very much for your message. What he did to me shocks a lot of people and most of them ask me, 'Is he really British?' They can't believe that a Brit would abuse the laws of another country so maliciously to get their own way and seek revenge by getting their wife put in prison, etc, etc.

No experience in this situation sorry.. but just wanted to send you cyber hugs & strength to keep fighting. x

Thank you BelleRomford74. All support, including cyber hugs, helps, makes it all a little less lonely.

So so sorry to hear that, Wantmydaughterback. I hope that you can garner the strength you need and get some support from these other people/groups and that you get your daughter back very soon. :(

"working without permission from her husband"? What the actual f*

Op - I have no experience of this, but firstly:

I would contact mn hq and ask them to delete your post with the links to your story, because while I know it's public knowledge, it does identify you by name along with the street where you live, and I just wouldn't feel comfortable having that much identifyable information out there on a site like this one where people might offer you advice, both legal (and possibly less legal), iyswim.

Thank you Thumbwitch. WannaBe, usually no one bothers about whether or not you have got your husband's permission to work. My 'lawyer' at the time (who turned out to be NOT qualified only a legal secretary, but that's another story) told me that as I had filed for divorce, I didn't have to worry about it. Unfortunately the school was told the same thing by their legal advisor. But then my estranged husband reported me to the ministry for working without his permission and the school for employing me! (and only the night before he reported me, he asked me to come back to him! - a pure act of revenge!) Thanks also for your advice re. my information. I don't live at the address mentioned any more. As for who I am, will ask MN HQ what to do about it.

Oh, I didn't know you had to pay for it, I apologise. I just saw someone on another site with a problem similar to yours and it stuck in my head when they mentioned them a couple of years back.

Have a ((HUG)) anyway, I think you deserve it

No need to apologise! I am grateful for all suggestions. And thanks for the hug too. :)

www.facebook.com/pages/Looking-for-my-3-Daugthers/230004203681170

Thank you Nailak. I have gone to the page and left a message.

wantmydaughterback - it's probably very officious of me but I asked MNHQ to take the identifying links out of your post. It would be wiser to post in a different section if you want to expose more of your RL on here, as things can be found via google search and it's just not worth the risk. Go to this section to post anything that you don't want to be searchable - it is protected from search engines and therefore much safer. :)