Do I need this anymore

[tan3517]

I have a few threads on this site over issues that are getting to me and rather than do my housework I thought I may talk to you all. My issues begin with my son who is a teenager and is causing nothing but trouble with attitude and disrespect for me, and this leads me to my husband who just thinks I go on.

My relationship is far from rosy. i have the one child who as I said is 14, who is adding to the pressures of married life.

Im gonna be honest now and tell you it all.

Ive been married for 14 years been together for 20. We have both turned 40 and I personally am struggling to keep it alive. We both need to lose weight so I put us both a slimming world diet which he is grateful for. However I am working 9.30 till 4 and coming home to cook us a recipe based meal (which my teenager hates)

Because of my teenagers issues my husband is so much like him and tells me Im pushing him away with my disapline(he didnt get any as a kid) and that I should stop going on.

This is getting to me as my child is as he keeps telling me to shut up and my husband tells me to stop going on.

Do I need this anymore?

Sorry OP, I'm a bit confused, what exactly are you asking?

The bit that jumps out at me is your husband and DS don't seem to respect you very much do they?

Nope exactly that - thnk you:)

Assuming good faith in your dh, it sounds like you both need to get on the same page regarding discipline towards your son. Perhaps work out together which issues are important within your household - like homework/ respect/ chores - and then present a united front to your son? You might need to compromise and let some things go, while he should back you up and not allow your son to tell you to shut up etc.

If the good faith is lacking, and your dh won't try together and encourages your ds to disrespect you then I really don't know where you can go from there.

No neither do I !. Thank you so much I think I know the answer, however I am screwing my face up now :( Want it to work but so unhappy:(

Sounds like your teenager is learning his behaviour from your H OP.

So your saying its my husbands issue I need to deal with before my sons?

It must be so frustrating and sad to be in this situation.
It is no light matter to decide to have children.
It means that the bearer of the child truly does sacrifice their own life to bring another into the world.
More money is needed, more working hours, more time.
It must therefore be heartbreaking when this type of thing happens, when that child becomes a person who doesn't respect all that you have done for him/her.

It must break your heart and your soul.
Have children changed in these modern times?
I've read of some awful stories over on the teenager thread.
Some of those stories have broken my heart and it wasn't even my time, money or life invested.

It sounds like your husband is pretty cool regarding how he got onboard the weight losing program, and that is a positive thing.
What's needed though is him to start supporting you in matters regarding your son.
This, as others above have mentioned, will be the positive catalyst needed to get so many things back on track, your son and his attitude included.

Good luck.

yes thank you but its knowing how to? In a very deep place at the moment :(

I would say yes to needing to deal with your dh first. He's the adult and the person your ds is taking his lead from. You can't parent your son properly while all the time being undermined by your dh.

Can you sit down and talk to you H at all OP or are you finding that impossible at the mo?

When I was growing up my mum was the disciplinarian and my dad was a total soft touch BUT he never went against my mum, so you see whilst both parents were different they stuck together and he backed her up if she made a rule. Does your H put you down in front of your DS?

Yes he does, he disagrees of me infront of him, because he hears us argue which is wrong I know. I ve been with my H since day dot and our DS teenagers behavour is causing us so many problems. My DH gets up at 5am to go to work and Im up at 6am to go to work. He doesnt see or experience the complications of teenagers I do and get it in the neck every day.

OP, it's causing you problems because you aren't a united front to him. Can you talk to H and tell him how upset you are?

Teenagers can be exhausting (it comes with the territory).

I know coz I have one! He's 14. Picking your battles with your DS also helps at this stage. I let the little things go and praise him to the hilt for any sign of maturity.

Your son will never respect you if you DH is constantly undermining you. That's an awful situation, both for you and for your DS too, as he is not getting adequate guidance with regard to his behaviour.

It sounds like your DH is just taking the easy option with regard to your DS. Perhaps you need need to tell him things cannot go on like this, and you want to try counselling to get the issue aired and discussed in a structured way. It might wake him up and realise that this is serious. I can't see you being able to put up with this much longer.

No thank you all, I can't. its bad enough as we all know to have a teenage son let enough a husband like this :(