How do you get past all the anger?

[forever39]

I would really appreciate the advice of all you wise Mumsnetters on how to deal with the anger I seem to carry around with me all the time. It's mostly as a result of injustices done to me in my life (there have been a few) - family scapegoat (and then some), abusive partner, crappy job, bad past mental health problems which I managed to surpass (only recently really) which include PND, teenage meltdown, distant unloving Mother who neglected me both emotionally and physically as a child, and it goes on. I know I sound pathetic and pitiful and I do look at some of the seemingly insurmountable crap people deal with every day and feel humbled but I can't get over the resentment I feel. I do a good job of hiding it but sometimes it all just gets too much and I hate that feeling of trying to reason with myself that it's not so bad (and it isn't - I have two lovely kids, my own house, my health) but still having that sick feeling of self loathing. Needless to say my self-esteem is non existent and I feel now at the age of 40 that this is never going to change - so depressing. I did tip my toe briefly into counselling but just came away feeling guilty and self centered. Can you give me any advice on how to pull my socks up and stop dwelling on the past? I would add that I have been a lurker for a good few years now and Mumsnet has helped me so much to recognise the reasons why I feel the way I do most of the time - I just wish I could deal with it better!

It seems there is a list of experiences which explain for you why you feel this way, but you haven't had the opportunity to work through the feelings raised through those experiences? I recognised you had a go, but perhaps that particular counsellor wasn't the right person for you, maybe give it another try? I don't think it's self indulgent to go to counselling, I think it's probably one of the most challenging things someone can do, and finding the right person to work with on that is very important.

It seems to me you've come a ways as it is - you have recognised that there is something(s) that are stopping you from enjoing being you, and you have put it out there and asked for opinons - that's a brave thing to do, and a bloody good start. There is no reason why you shouldn't have assistance to work through why you feel the way you do, being human is bloody hard!

I think Klep puts it perfectly..... I hope you can work through it.. xx

Forever, there are lots of us who know what it feels like an who can send an 'I know' hug.

The breakthrough for me: to stop hiding behind the anger, and to GRIEVE. Grieve and mourn for that helpless child, the waste, the loving she never had. It is very painful but ... it gives you your sense of self - the one you were FORBIDDEN to have.

Go back to counselling, not Relate but a really qualified therapist who specialises in children of narcissists, who will give you permission to hurt and grieve.