My Mother.

[hotheels]

She has been harassing me for years and I have finally had enough of the lies, bullshit and trouble she has caused me over the past 10 years. I have the Police coming round tomorrow to speak to me about my options, one being a possible harassment order. Anyone ever done this? I know that this could land her in a whole pile of trouble but I really don't see what else I can do. God I wish I had a normal nice Mum.

I've never had to get a harrassment order but I just wanted give my support and say that I think you are doing the right thing. Good luck to you.

You are doing the right thing my love. You are very brave and wise and have the great misfortune to have a total nutter for a mother. I am in the same boat and I have had fantasies about perhaps being adopted by normal people. It didn't happen, but I have found fullfilling relationships that have been far more nuturing. Do it, don't hold back, take care of yourself tonight and don't worry. You are still a good person who does not deserve the abuse and shit you have put up with, you have a right to peace in your life as an adult.
Good luck

By the way, how bad has she been?

Gosh poor you.

I have a mentalist as a mother, no contact of any merit for 20+ years. Best thing I ever did.

I relented once to see if she had changed, no she hadn't. The cracks appeared in her "performance" pretty quicky.

If she is causing you pain, I am glad you are doing something about it.

I hope my post doesn't come across as all business like and harsh. It isn't and wasn't like that for me.

I once read an article in which it was described as "the last taboo" where children disown their mothers. That was a real weight of my shoulders realising that I wasn't the only one.

And you aren't alone.

Good Luck XXX

I am in therapy to deal with my abusive marriage...and guess what I ALWAYS end up talking about....

Mommie Dearest.

NC on and off for 8 years, I stupidly let her back in my life for about two years....What a terrible, terrible mistake.

You are not alone. It is a taboo, and it's time it wasn't.

Good luck.

Well the Police have been and gone this morning and have suggested I see CAB or a solicitor with regards to getting a type of restraining order. He asked me what has been happening and I explained.
It has stemmed from an alleged incident from 5 years ago where she had me and my then partner arrested for assaulting her. I can tell you now, this assault did not happen, the Police interviewed 'witnesses' at the time and nothing was witnessed and the Police sent me a letter at the time to say they were taking no further action against me or my then Partner. But yet she still goes on and fucking on about me beating her up!
When I told the officer about things she has done/said over the years he told me that it sounds like bi-polar. Which is something I had suspected tbh.
So now I need to get my act together and sort out a Solicitor. He said he could go and arrest her right now with what I have told him. and charge her with harrassment but in his opinion it would be better to see the Solicitor/CAB.

God I wish I had a normal mother, I hate her.

I get a tad peeved with the way in which the police frequently appear to put the onus on the victim[s] to take action against harassment.

If the police officer was minded to believe that there was sufficient evidence to arrest and charge your mother with harassment, why didn't he do so? Alternatively, the police could elect to serve an harassment notice on her.

If I were you, I would get back to the police officer you spoke to and tell him that as the cost of applying for an harassment order is a considerable expense and will no doubt exascerbate an already untenable situation, you'd be obliged if the police would do the job they are paid to do serve the appropriate notice on her.

In response to izzyizin - why don't the police do their job?

It's because domestic rows are a nightmare for them. It is one person's word against another (usually), and either party are liable to change their mind at a whim.

My best mate is a copper. He has attended many, many scenes of domestic dispute. So many times, he is called by a woman in fear for her safety at the hands of her OH, who is tanked up, or worse. Bobbies turn up, calm everyone down, and within a few minutes SHE has turned against them - 'take your hands off my man!', or words to that effect. Honestly - time and time again, this happens. The sad thing is, they know pretty well that they will be back the following Saturday night, for the same scenario.

You're right Rick. When the police show up , the couple have a common enemy so stop laying into each other and start laying into the police. I've heard that from friends who are coppers- and one had the broken nose to prove it (and left the force soon after. She could cope with eg murders, motorway pile ups etc but it was the DV episodes which broke her).

This is a case of harassment which is materially diferent from those 'domestics' which, despite various government initiatives, remain enshrined in misogynistic police folklore.

If a police officer has told the op that there is sufficient evidence for an arrest and charge, there is certainly sufficient grounds for the police to serve an harassment order on the offender.

Are you saying that heliumballoon's friend's broken nose is mythological?

You may be right in your second point. Maybe the OP could tell us why the arrest was not made? Did she ask? Did he make reference to the original assault charge (hence my point about one person's word against another)?

Hope you're doing ok OP. I can't imagine how hard this is for you but I wanted to say that you should be proud of yourself for being so brave and strong in taking that step and talking to the police. You are doing the right thing and deserve to be surrounded by people that love and respect you. Hope you're looking after yourself