Right, that's it, I am not going to be a victim anymore.

[ManicPanic]

I've had enough. Enough drug taking since my teens, heroin, methadone, anything I could get my hands on, enough suicide attempts (mercifully only one and a few half arsed secret overdoses) enough living this half life of pills and depression and swinging between hating myself and hating the guy who abused me for 2 years when I was 6, my mother who abused my via neglect and everything else - to be honest there is too much to go into and if I'm tired of thinking about it all.

No more. I overeat to make things bearable, I pop codeine pills like sweets. no more. My dd needs a healthy happy mum and my lovely dh deserves to see me smile again. I am NOT hurting myself anymore, my life has been full of it, it has to stop. I am taking control and say that I am going to be happy. I am going to get myself healthy so I can enjoy my life.

Just wanted to say it out loud (quietly, on ye olde internette)

Good luck OP! :)

Fantastic positive message. I really hope that this is a new direction for you.

Sending hugs and understanding.

Hi manicpanic, what substance are you dependent on/addicted to? ARe you planning professional help or gonna tackle it yourself? Is your husband aware of your addictions?

I have a liking for codeine, jbuckley, I have stopped using it now and I've luckily had very few withdrawal symptoms as my use has been so sporadic over the past few weeks. My husband is blissfully unaware... My GP is aware, they stopped my ADs (yes thanks for that!) but that worked in that it scared the life out of me and I cut my usage by about three quarters, so I could have the ADs back. Mysterious ways and all that.

I have been having psychotherapy input which has now ended, it ended in a good place I think, I have just had a bit of trouble going from 'poor old manic panic' to 'good old manicpanic.'

I do appreciate all your hugz and understanding. Luff to you all.

Wonderful OP. Have been where you are and indeed, all it takes is putting one foot in front of the other. Just keep getting to the end of each day, and before you realise it, you will have become a different person altogether. Good luck :)