When does it end?

[Iblameba]

My DH had/ is having an affair with a woman who is still living at home with her DH and 2 kids.

I found out and assumed he would move out last year. He sleeps in the spare room.

3-4 times he swore at me/shouted and told me he was leaving, packed a suitcase and left. 48hrs later he was back in the kitchen cooking supper.

I have refused to engage in arguments infront of our DCs. Civil and polite.

He has continued to see OW and I am well aware what he is doing despite his lies. I have asked him to leave and he says he does not see why he has to - I should leave. ( I have a v good job)

He has cut himself off from his friends, family etc as he does not want to hear any criticism and he swears he is in love with her. Most people say that they would not know anything was up between us, as always civil, polite and priority DCs.

I now just want him to leave but realise, I am going to have to uproot the DCS and move out myself. ( We joint own the house)

can someone just explain to me why he continues to lie about his activities, I know what is going on. For example, at home this weekend, he claims he is working PM sat and sun. So saturday, I take kids to classes and he allegedly goes to work, he kisses them good bye, is wearing his uniform and drives off to work, with an elaborate tale of what he he was doing for the day. I know he spent the day in the local city with her, then drive her home and then came home late.

Sunday, again out sledging with DCs - had an absolute ball. He then says he is of to work when in fact he was in the next village drinking and shagging her. Again dressed in his uniform , elaborate tale etc.

Why does he continue to lie and why will he not leave me in peace?

Because he's an absolute twat so don't try to apply normal decent actions to him as they won't fit. So sorry this is happening :(.

Have you sought legal advice yet or divorce proceedings. I think you should start taking back control and not let him walk all over everyone anymore x

Definitely look for legal advice and seek a divorce asap.

Next time he packs, change the locks.

In the meantime, get as much evidence of his activities as possible.

Is there any restriction on him wearing his employer's uniform out of working hours?

I think the 'Why is he lying about this is such an elaborate way' is a very good question.

My ExH did this to me and even carried on the pretence with our families after he walked out. He is troubled by inappropriate arrogance and in his case it was to save face.

in such an elaborate way

Why don't you start divorce proceedings to get things moving forward?

You need to be proactive here. The situation you describe is intolerable for you and extremely damaging for the children, however much you think you are doing a good job of covering things up. Kids of any age understand when there is tension between their parents and also know that separate rooms is not the cultural norm.

The first step is to issue a divorce petition. Get your solicitor to advise on the factors to support irretrievable breakdown, but you've got enough to fill a dossier's worth of unreasonable behaviour.

Does the woman's husband know what's happening? Could you form an alliance with him at all, to expose this?

You could move out yourself and put a legal charge on the house that would protect your interests during a sale. Would you be able to finance alternative accommodation in the meantime?

You might also want to consider making a final attempt to reason with your exH to move out, on the grounds that it is unhealthy for the children to grow up in this environment.

Your emotions are a different matter. It will help if you tell the DCs you are now separated and if you start telling everyone else too. As your exH is being so flagrant about his infidelity, I imagine you don't want people to think that you are prepared to put up with that.

Oh dear! You do have loads of patience to allow him to live in your house with this behaviour. But hon, make sure you dont allow him to have sex with you. Cant you take his clothes/uniform and any other sundry items and put them in a bin bag and dump it outside and change locks ?

Can not legally change the locks as we joint own the house.

I so struggle to see where the beautiful caring man I met, fell in love with, laughed and played with has gone. Moments of him re appear then - gone again.

I can afford to move and am starting to sort that out - I just hurt for my DCs and myself.