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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i think he's seeing someone else again

57 replies

gravity · 23/01/2006 15:42

says it all really huh?

many of you will probably say you fucking idiot gravity for staying in the first place and thinking he was worth it.

he's always on his phone, texting, going out all the time ( for work apparently, our businesses makes this so bloody possible)grumpy at me, not trying anymore, angry at me the list goes on.

i cant talk to him, he is so horrible. i feel like such a loser for being here.

OP posts:
MistressMiggins · 25/01/2006 09:01

gravity - how are you?

overdraft · 25/01/2006 09:43

Gravity darling

Don't think I can offer anymore wise words that haven't been said.You are one special lady and very attractive.You have a wonderful family to be proud of. You are strong i know that.I am really sorry if it turns out you are going through this again. Keep posting on here for support.I am thinking of you xxxx hugsxxxxxxxx

maturer · 29/01/2006 18:16

gravity- are you ok?
you've gone very quiet?
Thinking of you.

Deceived · 31/01/2006 21:08

Gravity

Hope you are ok. You haven't been online for a while.

gravityrebalancingatlast · 01/02/2006 11:12

hi girls, i'm sorry been so emotional and couldnt face talking to anyone about reality. and it has been a real reality check the last couple of weeks. i have been like an actress for months. like a blindfolded one at that. my dh isnt a bad man - he just isnt the man i fell in love with and therefore not for me. his actions are those of one who doesnt want to be with me and it is time for me to accept that.

i gave him an ultimatum on saturday. me or go away with his "m/c club" mates for a three week motor cycle run. I knew the answer before i asked it. i will stand my ground. he says it is a compulsory ride - well so be it. he chose to join an bikie club - so he loses me. and i wont cry anymore. i have asked him since - he still says he is going.... but that is ok. i never married a bikie - he became one, he's the one who has changed - therefore i will not be with a bikie

i have been a wonderful and loyal partner at all times. i have been lonely a while. my girlfriend gave me a travel web site which i have been visiting trying to find out a bit more about where my mum was born. i have "chatted" with many lovely italian men who have been able to assist me with the village my mum was born. none of these men will ever meet me or get anything in return for their kindness - but the ones i got talking to kept asking is your husband blind? stupid? and why are you there? go and meet a man who will treat you how you deserve. these men who will get nothing from me could make me feel nice from seeing my photo and chatting with me for a few hours

i love my husband in my own way but not as i did. he can only blame himself for that. i am meeting a girl who runs a makeup business on tuesday to keep my options open as i do not want to continue in the business we are in after we seperate. i wan my own independance. he can support our children, but i dont want his support.

i am a beautiful young woman - hear me roar! i have two beautiful gorgeous children who love me and i love them and i have men that have been chasing me for years, not that it means i will be doing anything with any of them but they think i'm sexy because i am! i can drive down the street and smile at the cute guy in the car next to me at the lights because i can and because he will smile right back, i need to start resurfacing and get my balance level again - its time to have some fun!

NotActuallyAMum · 01/02/2006 11:33

WAY TO GO GIRL!!

You are so right - you deserve to be happy, it's his loss

Keep it up and don't look back

gravityrebalancingatlast · 01/02/2006 11:36

and i have taken on the lyrics from a u2 song and hold them dear in reminding me why i am getting out

"Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without....

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

*

All i can say is i will keep thinkin this and how true it is

gravityrebalancingatlast · 01/02/2006 11:39

thanks notactuallyamum - now i will just keep up my new brave persona!
we are women!

we are the superior sex

men just follow what ever direction there brain in between their legs is pointing - literally - what a sad gender!

busybusybee · 01/02/2006 11:43

Gravity - you have my sympathies - Im glad it seems like you are going to be strong and get your life sorted out - Hurrah for you!

Bugsy2 · 01/02/2006 11:52

Wow Gravity, you sound so strong & so determined. Fantastic! You are so right - we only have this one life & we can make it work for us.
Very pleased that you have decided to take control of your life.

gravityrebalancingatlast · 01/02/2006 11:55

thanks busybusybee - your support is wonderful but your sympathy isnt necessary - i stayed where i was because i was weak, i thought i could change him back to who he used to be. people dont change. i guess we say a leopard never changes his spots, an italian man said to me along the same lines once a wolf always a wolf - they get the taste for blood and keep going back for more when given the opportunity

gravityrebalancingatlast · 01/02/2006 12:02

thanks bugsy - we do have only one life. i dont want love right now. i had a sort of love for a good few years. i thought it was the real thing. i may have been wrong. but when it was good it was the best it was beautiful it was untouchable at the time. it went astray. but the next time i find love it will be great it will be amazing again!

NotActuallyAMum · 01/02/2006 12:08

No gravity - you were not weak, you just wanted to be sure in your mind that you had tried everything before you said "enough is enough" - and you have - so in the future you can have a totally clear conscience that you gave it your all and didn't just fall at the first hurdle

Keep smiling, one day you will be ready for love again, and you will meet someone who deserves to be with you

gravityrebalancingatlast · 01/02/2006 12:18

thanks notactuallyamum - you are so right. i do have a clear and clean conscience. i didnt do wrong but i tried to still make it work when he wouldnt. i am the best he will ever get and the best he ever had, i gave him two lovely children - i hope for his sake when he is an old man he can look at himself and too see a clean and clear conscience (but i dont think he will)

NotActuallyAMum · 01/02/2006 12:58

No I don't think he will either - but that's for him to deal with and not your problem

Anyway by then you'll be settled with someone who looks after you and deserves to be with someone as wonderful as you so your ex will be the very last thing on your mind

maturer · 01/02/2006 18:01

gravity- glad to hear you are ok and sounding so positive in what you want for yourself-was starting to worry.
I agree you are not at all weak, staying in a relationship to try and work it out when you were so betrayed is strength not weakness and is your dh cannot see that he was lucky even to get that chance then as you are doing move on- he's become the person you can't love like that.
You do deserve better and you will find someone to truely appreciate you for all you offer.
The trouble with men of a ceratin age is that they think the grass is geener and forget to look at the grass right under their feet. He will live to regret it as he moves on in his superficial world- you will move on i the real world and become a better person for it.
Glad to see you are exploring your financial options and preparing for what is coming .So admire your strength and vision- as you say you will always know you were true and honest and tried your best-HE threw it away.
Take care honey- find yourself, then find someone (if you want) to love you for the special person you are. As for your dh- his loss!

swedishmum · 01/02/2006 21:09

Good luck to you gravity. I love your positive attitude. You've been through so much. Stay strong.xx

mistressmiggins · 01/02/2006 21:58

so sorry to read this gravity

you were a great comfort to me when I was going through my situation - both finding out about the affair & then us splitting up

you have tried; he hasnt tried hard enough

you DO deserve better

you may feel strong & positive at the moment but be prepared for fallout - thats OK too

someone said on MN recently to me "failure is not falling down, its staying down"

take care and come on MN for support

xx

glitterfairy · 02/02/2006 09:45

Hiya gravity. I have missed all this and am sorry. You sound much much better though and just think next year at Christmas we will be emailing each other with happy pictures which are not a sham and we will both have a wonderful time.

You deserve to be so much happier hun. You have tried so hard and invested so much now it is time for you! Take care and speak soon.

Deceived · 02/02/2006 12:18

Hi Gravity

You sound much more positive than you have done recently. What you have decided is the right thing to do for you.

He will realise what he has lost one day but by then you will be in a better place.

Good luck to the future. Stay strong

gravityrebalancingatlast · 03/02/2006 00:14

hey glitter

god you made me cry when i am beibg this new big tough one!

you hit the nail in the coffin - a sham..... it has been!

by christmas WE WILL be happy.... i can feel it

thanks everyone for your amazing support

in this world there are so many gangs/clubs/organisations that are for boys and the brotherhood

well.... i am proud to know i am part of something even better than one of the bro's..... i am part of this wonderful sisterhood on mumsnet. a group of amazing strong women who come together best when others need their support. thanks ladies xx

Alipiggie · 03/02/2006 00:47

You're inspirational and give me the hope that I can get through the dark hole I'm stuck in at the moment with DH and emerge a stronger and better woman. Congratulations on your brave strong decision.

gravityrebalancingatlast · 03/02/2006 01:43

alipiggie - you take your life and you grip it with both hands.

i'm far from thru my darkness, i have made the decision it is over, i have told him, but he thinks its me calling his bluff(and i guess i have previously - but love is no longer enough for what i need emotionally and physically) but now i need to set myself up before i make the move,

but i will find the light. you will find the light.

i know in my heart i tried to work it out.

it is so commendable to all the ladies who have made it work - oh so much - you look at maturer, she is inspirational (not me)

i think in my heart i could never really give it that extra chance with a whole heart. it was always in my head what i saw on that bloody video he made with them - it consumed me and ate away, i think eventually it would have killed me (i dont mean this as a figure of speech, i do mean it) i was obsesses with it - every outing looking at every brunette with brown eyes to look at her to see if maybe it was her(ffs i was crazy!)

i lost myself - i felt ugly - even photos taken over this time have lost my glow. thanks to the stress all my post baby fat has disappeared forever, i am not training at the gym so i am the slimmest i have been since i was a teenager. i feel so sexy. i now take the effort again each morning to make me what i used to be, i leave the house and look a million dollars and its for me. i do the sex kitten eyes, the glossy lips. i want to wow my clients again, wow my staff, f* i just want to wow everyone. i sound like a trollop hey! i want to walk down the street and turn heads ( and i can do it in style - not like the scantily clad slappers that bedded my dh, i can do it in a business suit fully clothed), i need this at the moment tho, my confidence took such a fall i need to do what i have to do to rebalance.

i met someone the other day for the first time who told me i am the most stunning woman he has met - it may be exaggerated but f* i felt good.

you do what is right for you, at the end of the day fate will step in and what is meant to be will be. but like me alipiggie, whatever you choose it will leave your conscience clean. whether it be with your dh or not.

cat me if you need, please

love grav xxxxx

mistressmiggins · 03/02/2006 07:42

you sound great Gravity

you ARE inspirational for standing up for yourself and making the break to stand on your own 2 feet, which is scary when you have children. Reading about making an effort with your appearance etc is the kick up the bum I need - Ive recently slipped back down a dark hole and have only just started to climb out again

yes Maturer & others have done brilliantly BUT the one difference is that their husbands were SORRY and tried to make amends

your H sounds like he wasnt really sorry or tried to work with you to make your marriage work

thats not your fault

gravityrebalancingatlast · 03/02/2006 08:45

now mistress m........ your the bloody inspirational one! you have so grown while i have watched your threads over the last six months!

we can do this!