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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why am I Behaving Like an 8 Year Old??

23 replies

moonblushtomato · 07/02/2012 20:15

New to this so not sure if this is the right place for my "problem".

My DD started Reception this September just gone so I have obviously been spending alot of time at the school gates.

Before September I had got quite friendly with another mum but since our kids started school she has been quite aloof and more interested in chatting to other mums.

I know as I write this how very needy and pathetic I sound - just like a kid on the playground! But I feel left out and I don't know why she is behaving like this.

Its not something I would ever, ever confront her with as I'd be too embarassed and as I've already got lots of good, close friends this relationship isn't or shouldn't be that important to me.

But, for some reason, this is really irking and upsetting me.

I need somebody to say Get A Life! And I have said that to myself lots but its not enough to get rid of this worry about who she's going to be talking to at the school gates and will she talk to me etc..

Am I going mad???

OP posts:
Original poster
moonblushtomato · 07/02/2012 20:22

I just need to add that normally I'm a very positive person who always tries to see the best in people so I really don't know why this is affecting me so much??

Again, am I going mad?

OP posts:
LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 07/02/2012 20:23

Get a life Grin

LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 07/02/2012 20:24

Probably cause you feel rejected? Does it stir up issues from your school days? I don't think it's wrong to feel like this btw cause it sounds like a u turn in her behalf.

Denj33 · 07/02/2012 20:25

Just smile at her and say hi?

Or find someone else to chat to?

Original poster
moonblushtomato · 07/02/2012 20:32

Grin skinny but seriously, yes I was bullied/excluded from things at school so maybe it is a throw back. But Christ, I'm 45 years old!!! Surely all that stuff isn't still lurking???

Denj33 I love your logical, common sense approach. If someone else was in my situation I would say exactly the same thing... so why can't I take this advice??

I'm getting sick of feeling like this, its turning into an obsessionConfused

I think I need a mantra like, SHE'S NOT A CLOSE FRIEND, GET OVER IT! (or something else catchy like that! Any ideas???)

OP posts:
Original poster
moonblushtomato · 07/02/2012 20:34

And, yes its probably a LOT to do with the feeling of rejection as I've been lucky enough throughout my life not to have experienced this much (apart from aforementioned bullying at school)

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Hardgoing · 07/02/2012 20:39

I can understand why you are a little miffed, you thought you'd made a friend and were looking forward to seeing someone you knew at the school gates (which is always a bit nerve-wracking those early months), and she's dissed you! The good thing is that at least you know she's a bit fickle and ditched you for other people now, so that leaves you also free to chat to other people and perhaps make new friends. Don't look to see who she's talking to, just go, stand where you stand and chat to others around you.

Lots of people find the school gates quite a difficult environment, it is a bit playground like at times. Let this one go!

21YrOldMan · 07/02/2012 20:40

But Christ, I'm 45 years old!!! Surely all that stuff isn't still lurking???

You ever dealt with it?

If not, why wouldn't it be lurking?

Sparks1 · 07/02/2012 20:48

I got shunned at the school gates when me and the ex split up years ago. Despite the fact it was her that had an affair. Christ knows what she probably told them all.

At the time yeah it probably did irk me. Mainly because i'd known a lot of the people for years.

I couldn't give a fig these days. Most of them are boring and self obsessed judging by the conversations i overhear.

The way i figure it the school is simply an institution. I wouldn't expect to become best friends with someone who uses the same bank as me so i don't really see the school any differently.

Original poster
moonblushtomato · 07/02/2012 20:48

Thanks Hardgoing that definitely makes sense. I do talk to other mums but am always conscious of what she's doing and who she's talking to. Think I need to move on from feeling like this, just can't seem to find the emotional backbone to do it!!

21 I guess I've never dealt with it as I thought I'd got past it. Maybe I haven't but how would I "deal" with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
moonblushtomato · 07/02/2012 20:50

Sparks1 that is a brilliant analogy, you are so right!! Thanks that has put it into perspective somewhat.

Sorry you had to go through all that rubbish. Sounds loads worse than my silly little problem!

OP posts:
LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 07/02/2012 20:54

I think yes some of it is that coming back to haunt you, being in tgat environment is bound too

Original poster
moonblushtomato · 07/02/2012 20:58

God, you might be right Skinny but what do I do with that information??

Accept that this is why I feel so down about the situation so then I can justify my irrational emotions??

OP posts:
deste · 07/02/2012 21:44

You should try ignoring her and just say hi to everyone else.

babyhammock · 07/02/2012 21:55

Absolutely her loss.. snooty bint Wink x

Original poster
moonblushtomato · 07/02/2012 22:20

Tempting though that is deste it would probably make me feel worse/more anxious in the long run.

Yes babyhammock it is her loss (she said in her most empowered voice Smile)

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Original poster
moonblushtomato · 08/02/2012 19:37

Thanks to all of you wise people, I've felt alot less down about it today and am getting things into perspective.

I suppose its all about having more confidence in myself to think "so bloody what!"

Going out with my real friends this weekend Smile

OP posts:
21YrOldMan · 08/02/2012 19:45

once you realise the reason you feel the way you do, then you can choose to take no notice of those feelings, as you know that they're not rooted in you now- they have a root many years past, which isn't you now.

hth?

Though sounds like you're on the right track :)

Original poster
moonblushtomato · 08/02/2012 19:56

21 that does actually help because I thought that if I acknowledged that these feelings were deeply linked to what happened when I was much younger then I'd never be able to cope, but, as you say I'm not that person anymore.

Wow! This is as good as a large G and T! I feel really positive and could take on the world, well a certain mum at the school gates anyway Grin

OP posts:
BettyBedlam · 08/02/2012 21:54

This exact thing happened to me actually - someone I thought was a friend snubbed me at the school gates when DC1 started school. I wasn't too upset as it wasn't someone I was close to, but it knocked my confidence. Over time, I have come to realise that it is her issue, not mine. She has turned out to be a bit of a social climber and a bit weird in that respect and I suspect she has a few issues.

Likewise, for your 'friend' to suddenly do this probably suggests that she has a few issues as it is a strange thing to do. I'd steer well clear and wait for the others to find out what she is like!

Original poster
moonblushtomato · 08/02/2012 22:41

Yes there probably are issues there, thinking about it.

Think from now on I'll just smile and waveGrin

OP posts:
BettyBedlam · 08/02/2012 23:08

Try being very smiley, but moving on quickly - that'll confuse her Grin

Original poster
moonblushtomato · 09/02/2012 11:06

Thanks betty I like that!

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