Marriage counselling - cost and experiences

[dribbleface]

Hi.

DH and I are really struggling, too long to post all the details but I think the arrival of DS2 has added pressure that our marriage just cannot take. I love him dearly, recognise that its not all him. He's just not happy with me

Am considering marriage counselling but haven't a clue what to expect, how to arrange, cost etc.

Any one been through counselling?

shameless bump. (want to sit him down and chat about it later so need to be better informed) Thanks.

i have no idea sorry but didnt want to read and not give you a bump .. threads often get lost in here lol

yes, Relate. Cost 20 pounds per session or more if you can afford it (it's a charity). They were very good. I went for one to one counselling first then DH came along afterwards. The lady just gave us a safe space to talk to one another calmly in, really.

Relate

thanks so much. now just gotta raise the subject.

good luck xx

been going to a few sessions of marriage counselling now £20 an hour on a sliding scale though. the sessions do really help you see what the issues are and hear and understand one another more. but we haven't been going long enough to get a long term positive outcome yet

I have been through two bouts of counselling with DP once through Relate which was awful the woman took DPs side in everything - even he said she did so I wasn't imagining it - and she was an older woman who seemed to think that even though we were both working full time at the time that I should happily do all the household chores, bills etc as well.

The second time we went with a counseller I found online who specialised in abuse and the effects (I was abused as child which has some ramifications in my relationship) but we found this time that we would arrive on good terms and the probing questions would get us at loggerheads again and we would leave not speaking to each other and we paid £40 for the privilege. She seemed to side with me as well - we both thought that and yes I realise that they are supposed to be impartial but she didn't seem to be.

We only seemed to get "how does that make you feel" type questions and actually what would have helped us more would be some practical advice on how to stop arguing.

I refused to go back to the first counsellor after a few sessions and DP refused to go back to the second so for us it was a waste of time. But the good thing that came out of it was that we realised that despite our problems both of us wanted to make it work and we have both tried really hard since then to sort out our problems and it is working. We have done this with a combination of listening, trying to see arguments/disagreements from the other persons point of view and letting the small things go.

We try to look at each other's motivation in a situation and if we have unwittingly hurt/annoyed/let each other down then that should be dealt with as a mistake as opposed to an excuse to start WW3.

And IMO counselling only works if both people want it to.

HTH.

if you do decide to go and are not happy with your counsellor - ask to change counsellors before you give up. as it can be a personality thing too, or just a lack of skill.

the counsellor gave us good tips on how to deal with arguing (we are only starting to learn to put them in practise) and gave us 'rules for fair fighting' to read. these are excellent. if you can, get them online, print them and both read them and try to apply them regularly. they will really help you if you can.

Thanks Jan2011.........never spoke to him about it last night, couldn't find the words but i am determined we need to do something.

Have you read 'His needs, her needs' - here it is.

www.amazon.co.uk/His-Needs-Her-Building-Affair-proof/dp/0857210777/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328611665&sr=8-1

Quite good for that sort of issue, better than alot of others.