Why does my husband throw his weight around?

[lolaflores]

dirty nasty argument at weekend. DH's usual response to any conflict is to threaten to walk out with DD2. This time he said he would throw me and eldest DD (from another relationship) out. i said he should do as he wishes as given my psych diagnosis and physical problems he would have more leverage than I would. what was the point in arguing. He said if he really did do what he wanted, he would have left long ago. And so on.
It got so bad, I couldn't stand for him to be near me.
Then he denied saying it and or didn't mean it like that.
I spent yesterday chain smoking and crying, thinking of a way to help myself. I don't know if DLA would help me. I am not very mobile. I don't think anyone would employ me.
I feel so entirly fucked right now. I stayed home with DD2, much to DH's delight. Now it would appear that this is no longer how it should be.
I hate him so much right now.

How realistic is that threat? Who owns the house, how old is your eldest DD, etc? If it's realistic, I would be looking at ways to find alternative accommodation.

Because he can. Because you're ill and he thinks you won't dare call his bluff. That's pretty despicable isn't it? ("Didn't mean it like that", how else can you mean something like that?)

You wouldn't really leave DD2 with someone that horrible, would you? Just think what he might be teaching her. Unless you're genuinely incapable of caring for her with appropriate support, I think you should make a bid for being main carer if at all possible. There's no magic pill to cure someone of being just plain nasty.

Because he is an abusive man.

He does it because he is a nasty person who WANTS to do it and he knows you are vulnerable and he thinks he can safely do it and you'll take it.

That's why.

I feel that my physical and mental illness wind him up. My weakness is an irritant. The house is in both our names. He pays the mortgage but initially we both did. I am going to ring women's aid for a heads up. its the denial that he said those things, I know what I heard but he brazen's it out and I don't have the energy to fight. This shit reduces me to a wreck and it happens when I am at my lowest. My eldest is 18, at uni, i don't think she heard what he said. I would not leave DD2 with him, he would take her to his dad so as not to disrupt his career.
You trust someone, you love someone and all the time they have some game plan worked out to fuck you over the first chance they get. Why would you want to destroy someone that way?

I think it is a great idea that you ring Women's Aid for someone impartial to run this whole thing by.

Agree he is abusive. He says things that he knows will emotionally destroy you and that is a horrible trait in a person.

I think you would be a lot better away from him. Why would anyone want to live the rest of their life like this.

Call his bluff and put things in motion to leave. He sounds absolutely horrendous and you would be far happier on your own.

I learned about a particular type of abusive behaviour from anyfucker

gaslighting

there's probably a better description of it on other sites if you google it

no that seems fair. I know he is gaslighting which is why I chased him about it. I was rock solid in what I had heard him say, he wanted to created smoke and mirrors about saying it rather than the content of what he said. he has done this before and i have caught on to it. I don't want to hate him but it feels like it today

well, I hate him, and I don't even know him

cheers anyfucker. It is hard not to call all men dickheads when this shit occurs. They just don't fight fair, ever. Put them in a corner about anything and this is the response.

Not all men, lola

that is my point

not all men act like this, just abusive ones