why is my ex having such a different life to what we had together????

[sanchpanch]

yes i am jelious i admit that, but why does he have such a nice life??

he just seems to be doing things with his new girlfriend that we never did together,
we used to go to local pub for new year but they went away to ireland for the weekend, i guess to meet all of his family.... i didnt go there to met his family for 2 years ...
and they went away weekend before xmas

and he has been taking her to pub to meet everyone, where as when we were together he used to tend to go there on his own for a quiet drink..

Why is he behaving so diffently with her than he did with me, it hurts me so badly to think about it, but i cant stop myself thinking about it???

Thanks for listening

for you.

No good answers, just try to be good to yourself and your time will come again!

ssd x x x

He's trying to impress her.

Of course you feel hurt but remember the reasons he is now your ex and think about how GREAT your life is without him and go and do some fun stuff with your friends or your kids!

Message withdrawn

presumably it is much easier to have a fun free and single life when you don't have kids in tow.

He is living it up because he doesn't have to worry about where the kids are - he knows you are looking after them.

Since he seems to have enough spare cash to spend on luxuries - make sure you are getting reasonable maintenance for the kids.

And accept that he is not coming back and you are probably better off without him in the longterm if he can treat you like this.

because hes older and has more money but no daily responsibilities

people keep saying to me that they will regret it one day or certainly regret leaving the children

I tell you what I keep thinking - in years to come when the children are teenagers, they will want to know what their dad was upto soon after he left - why didnt he take them out more etc
Whereas they will never have to ask you what you were doing cos you were looking after them.
Thats what I think when I know my H wont take them on holiday this year as I wont let HER go too....whereas I will take the children away at every opportunity I get

be strong

Hope you can get time to enjoy yourself

I know how upsetting it is. My ds1's dad left us when he was 1.3yrs and within 2 months of us moving away I discovered he had a new girlfriend. I had kept in touch with his parents as I wanted them to be a part of ds1's life and through them I discovered that he had gone and bought a house (he had made us live in small damp flat), been to the Fujji Islands (somewhere he knew I had wanted to go) and then he moved to Oz for 12 months (another place I wanted to go). He was out living it up every weekend, earning lots of money yet not paying maintenance and through all of this I was struggling as a lone parent, staying in the spare room at parents and living on benefits. He also stopped visiting his son 5months after us splitting up because his new girlfriend didnt want him to seen ds1 anymore. We havent heard from him since and I hope we never do, ds1 is now 8.8yrs and has a sd who loves him bits.

HI sandpach, just a note to say goodluck with your new life and your time wll come. Your ex as mentioned b4 is just behaving like somebody that has no responsibilities, its hard to see that, when your stuck with the work. But in the longterm, your gonna have a great relationship with your child and their love is so special nothing can compete with that.

Hi Sanchpanch,

Glad to see your post - haven't seen you on here much recently. Well, as someone else who went through this sh*t at the same time as you can I just congratulate us both on surviving the last 6 months!!!

Would be interested to hear how you are getting on now, again I find myself in a similar aituation to you - ex finally admitted there was someone else (took 5 months to get truth out of him), they live together and it hurts like hell when ds goes to stay with him/them as I torture myself thinking that when they go out people will see the three of them and assume she is ds's mummy.

I know what you mean about them living differently, but the alternative is no better either, ie. him doing things with her that you did together. Whichever way you look at it, it will always hurt. But if you compare it with the hurt 6 months ago it is way better now. Nowhere near normal, nowhere near moved on, but way better than it was, and for all the trips abroad or romantic weekends away, think of how many memories you have of the children over the last 6 months that he'll never have, priceless compared with trips away

Keep smiling and please update me on how you are doing, I love to hear positive stories of how people have got stronger!!

been thinking about this...

maybe he is also doing all these things to fill the gap of not having the children around

maybe they've lost friends - my H has moved areas so the only friends he will have will be HERS or people he works with

DS asked daddy what hed done the other Sat when he phoned "shopping in morning and watching TV in afternoon"
Im sure speaking to DS in the evening must have made him feel a little pathetic and anyway theres only so much shopping & watching TV you can do

my ex knobhead was like this
used to take his new gf out all the time and her ds
whilst my kids would sit in and wait with their coats on, he would have them to stay over occasionally but his stopped when i "accidently gave my ds1 a tube of smarties (he goes hypo with them)apparantly exknob and gf were worn out...diddums..get the violins out

my kids to ex dont want nothing to do with him as he is a knob, they remember sitting there for hours on end, every weekend coz their sperm donor promised to spend some time with them and he never came and
believe me when I say
what goes around comes around
he lives in dingy place down south somewhere
he looks like he has been dragged through a hedge not only backwards but forwards also
and just a sorry excuse for a human being

they will remember him for what he is and what he has done

yes i am not doing to bad, see my other thread about the other women,
I think it would have been easier had he have told me about her from the beginning, at least there would have been a reason for the split had he of said he had met someone else, yes it would have hurt but i was already hurting like hell so it couldnt have hurt anymore...

And i wouldnt now find myself asking was he with her or not when we split, i just think had she not have been around he would have tried to save our family and not run off, if there was nothing for him to go for...(see my other thread)

I do feel better than i did, but i still have this confusion about what went wrong, i just somehow have to find a way to move on without these answers,

Benben, was he with her when you were together, did he leave you for her?

He insists they only got together in December, but they work together and moved in together 10 days after he left us. He swears they were just flatmates and ended up together recently, but so many little things over the last 6 months make me think otherwise.
If I'm honest I don't think they were together when he left us but I do think he had feelings for her but hasn't the guts to admit it.
I have begged him to admit it for months, and when he finally did it hurt like hell but I also felt a huge sense of relief that I wasn't going mad !! A womans instinct is a very powerful thing !!
I don't know if I'll ever believe him as to how long its been going on and in some ways it doesn't matter anymore, the fact is he wasn't man enough to stay and work it out for his sons sake.
Keep your chin up Sanchpanch in time we will see we're better off without them !!!