Do you set aside time for just you and DH?

[morningpaper]

Do you set aside time for just you and DH? Do you ever just have a meal together without the television being on?!

Now we've got 2, babysitters seem impossible and we never get time to ourselves, but making a conscious effort to set time aside seems a bit superficial and embarassing. When do you actually TALK to your DH?

We have recently been having more time to ourselves, as DD (4 months) is now generally settled into a bedtime routine (ie goes to bed before we do).

As we also have DS (26 months), I agree with you on it being harder when there are two - I sometimes feel there is very little time which doesn't involve one or other of them, and by the time we do get it, I just want to go to sleep .

We do try and eat in the kitchen rather than the living room sometimes, which does mean that we talk to each other,

Not in the house much, although it is just me and DH once DD is in bed after 7:30pm. But during the week he will have work to do, or we will watch TV together. And we talk a lot. We always eat dinner as a family.

However, we go out for meals with friends a lot and various other events. Again not on our lonesomes though. But, althoughw ith others at thiongs like balls, we do spend the evening "together" a lot.

Infact the first time we will have been out for a meal together, with no one else around at all, since DD was born (she is now 3y9m) is the end of Feb!

We are lucky in that we have babysitters on hand anytime we need them, as both sets of parents live close enough and are very keen.

Yes, we talk a lot in bed too. We go to bed at the same time and never go straight to sleep.

We've got the baby in the bedroom and I'm always FAST ASLEEP by the time he gets into bed. We have to do it this way because he SNORES and if he falls asleep before me and starts snoring I want to kill him.

Another vote for in bed! Although last night, both girls were tucked up by 7pm and we sat and watched a DVD together.... it was really nice just to sit together and cuddle! We then spent an hour talknig in bed before crashing out!

If we ARE ever in bed at the same time we both have our noses stuffed in books - no chance there.

Usually on the phone!

We get snatched conversations as he comes in in the morning/goes out at night but they are usually just about urgent stuff. Tend to find the only time we get to talk is after dc are in bed and I call him whilst he drives to work (hands free of course )

We don't talk in bed - I always seem to be asleep first, and although it doesn't seem to wake DD up, I don't want to take a chance .

I can't remember that last time me and dp actually went out on a 'date' as such - dd1 is nearly 16 months and dd2 is due in 6 days! However, we do have most evenings together by ourselves (for the time being) as dd1 goes to bed no later than 7.30.

Would I call this quality time - uhm?[pondering icon]

Both of us have decided that when dd2 comes we must make an effort to have more of a social life and go out a few times a month - so difficult to organise - just can't go out on the spur of the moment anymore - such is being a parent.

Have to say that I find it much easier to talk to dh if we're out together (ie in a pub or for a meal). There are just too many distractions at home.

We're not religious about setting aside a definite night each week or anything. But usually if we haven't been out together for a fortnight or so something doesn't quite feel right and I book a babysitter to that we can get back in tune. I've always found that the religious set night approach doesn't work for us - seems a bit false, and turns it into a bit of a chore which defeats the object!

Have you tried a babysitting agency?

after kids have gone to bed (7-ish) I usually cook and he comes and talks to me in the kitchen. We do try and go to the cinema together as often as we can and we go out a couple of times a month.

ladymuck I seem to give birth to babies who occasionally scream hysterically for no good reason for hours on end so I wouldn't want to leave them in the hands of a stranger - it's stressful enough leaving them in the hands of my mother... I seem to remember this stopped at about 18 months so maybe we'll get an evening out sometime in 2008

Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that mp. You have my sympathies - I find it much harder to give dh my full attention if I'm at home. I find myself doing something similar to Enid - cooking and talking, which is never quite the same.

morningpaper - ditto!

Ours do that screaming thing too. So glad you said that, my RL look at me as if I'm paranoid when I tell them.

Plus no one wants to babysit for us...

Just realised, I am no help at all...sorry

yes, we don't go out but do make an effort to sit and talk occasionally, not as often as dh would like, but it is nice in the evening to sit at the table, eat, open a bottle of wine with no telly on (usually one of the two starts crying or wets the bed, but hey, the thought's there )

ds1 is 3.4 and ds2 is 16 ths - we've been out for the evening without them three times since DS1 was born and NEVER for the day or overnight...we do try to spend time together in the evenings but dh falls asleep. All the time. Luckily we are both completely potty about each other and the kids, so we find that going out together as a family recharges and refreshes us enough, and we do manage to talk and enjoy each other's company with the kids in tow.

Hi, we make sure we go out together at least once most weeks now.
2 years ago (after 20 years together)my dh had an affair with a work colleague (long story but, all to do with him being made redundant and mid-life crisis type thing)
Anyway we realised there wasn't a lot wrong with our relationship but we'd kind of let life get in the way of each other and with 3 children, both working we'd forgot to make time for one another like we used to. So we made a conscious effort and found a babysitter whom we book for a regular spot each week. At first we used the time to "counsel" each other about what had happened - now we just enjoy each others company.

I'm not for one minute suggesting everyones dh will do the same as mine but I would "warn" all couples to try to make time for each other and get out "on a date" together every so often. It is so easy to get lost in every day life then before you know it you've lost each other!

Where do people look for a baby sitter? I dont have anyone to look after ds, apart from dh! Havent been out 'on our own' since ds was born.

Neighbours with teenage children, playgroups ( offer to sit for someone else and they for you etc)school yard talking to other parents, church or a local college especially if they do childcare courses- the youmg people have to be CRB checked and most are desperate to earn a bit extra for sitting and need the experience with young kids. Adsk about friends and family - you need someone recommended, known to someone you trust. it is possible just don't give up.

Message withdrawn

I think it's really important to do this - to eat at the table, chat in bed and go out as a couple at least once a month. When the children have grown up and flown the nest, then it's just the two of you again isn't it?

That's where their life insurance comes in handy grammaticus!

Dh and I have 4 children and no babysitters and he works long hours, often away at night. I usually go to bed before him as he stays up to work and he gets up an hour before I do to get to work. The weekends are often taken up with dh doing all the jobs he can't do during the week (including the garden which is a full time job in itself).

But you have to talk sometimes. Dh and I have developed the ability to pass on important information and discuss important points in the 10 minutes we have together in the morning, or the hour or 2 that we have in the evening if he is here after the children have gone to bed. Weekends are often a time when we can discuss things in a bit more detail too. It is very hard existing like this and we don't go out together (not even shopping if we can help it) more than once or twice a year. I think loads of couples are like us and it is why so many relationships fail.